posted October 23, 1999 09:35 PM            

At the epicenter of this planet-shatteringly loud sound system the indominable Storm Runner drifted through space, empty and alone. It's usual crew was nowhere to be found. The mini-escape shuttle was still docked on the side of the darkly plated Corellian Corvette, and the small courier ship hidden away in the forward cargo bay was still present, but there the decks and hallways of the ship were empty.

As the bass beat of the ship continued to drone onward, there was suddenly a flash of light off the port side of the Storm Runner, and out of this portal a single, frozen cow floated out. It's lifeless eyes were bugged out in shock.

The Storm Runner floated onward.

posted October 24, 1999 02:59 PM            

The frozen cow exploded, destroying Marcos in the process.

"YEEEEEHAW!" screamed Arby as he flew through the debris of the cow. "Acin, these mini-space-speeder thingies (MSST) you made us are great!"

His MSST was followed closely by several others, being ridden by...

ACINONYX: Mechanic, pilot, and co-owner of the Storm Runner. Sole possesser of the Universal Remote.

PAX: Cyborg Jedi of the red hair. I could say stuff about him, but I can't think of anything.

JAE: You all know her.

SILENCE: Amazon in love, plus the second female character in the story!

SPEAK: Wielder of the SPORK, a mighty weapon pheared by all.

and, of course

FUURGH: What NES would be complete without the perverted little monkey?

"Thanks, Arb," Acin replied over the comlink.

"EEEE!" screamed Fuurgh as his MSST stopped suddenly.

"Uh, Fuurgh," Jae said, turning her MSST towards him, as the others did the same. "Why are you flying backwards?"

"I don't know! It's NOT MY FAULT!" Fuurgh cried, his speech filled with cliche.

"Maybe it has something to do with that large ship behind him with a bridge shaped like the face of an incredibly ugly 11 year old looking for a girlfriend with "AC" written on his forehead," Silence pointed out.

"Right," Pax said. "Wait a minute...ugly 11 year-old..."

"Great," Arby said. "Faelan. And probably more Jawoks. And faelanjawoks. I've missed destroying those things...but that AC...I don't like the looks of if."

"Uh, guys?" Fuurgh started.

"GUYS?" Jae and Silence shouted at once.

"Sorry. Uhm...Everyone, could you please do something here? They're treating me like Gonk and fuurghnapping MEEEEEEEEE!"

Fuurgh was pulled into a hangar and it clanged shut (another sound audible in the vacuum)

posted October 24, 1999 06:20 PM            

It looked like a standard bar in the inside... exept the couch and leather recliner. Some robotic familiars sit around, looking suspiciously like replicas of those outside.

"anyway," Daed went on, "I noticed the extreme amount of exaggeration that can go on it bars. And, given the fact that those inside had no reason to believe otherwise (thus the shut windows), and their logic impeded (punch drunk works out well), any exageration would be believed as true... and, thanks to this random personality generator, which simulates every personality in the universe, anything can be made true. The only problem is the O.U.F. Levels.... one up factor. Anyway, once something is said, there's a chance someone else might say something about that subject, and things spin out of control quickly. But, being a bar, as long as we have plenty of correllian ale, pink lemonade, and little umbrellas... w're good to go."
at that exact moment, however, a simulated personality of a loser on a galaxy far, far away and a long time ago boasted that he could write a good post on a message board, and to win an easy fan, he wrote in some character. A rather odd, half man, half devil apeared. However, this all has little to go with our heroes outside, exept for the fact the old guy glances through the one view port and sees.... "What in bloody hell is THAT!?!!?... and what in Bloody Hell is that ship-thingy??!?!? and why in bloody hell are they both gonna crash into me?!?!? AND WHAT IN BLOODY HELL IS THAT WAILING? someone's idea of music??!?!?"

posted October 24, 1999 06:28 PM            

"Well", Speak replied, "that may be, but he's our fuurghling, and dammit, I'm bored."

Speak pulled the almighty SPORK from it's harness on his belt and moved his MSST into place to attack the big ship thingy that swallowed Fuurgh. (BSTTSF, if Arby were writing this.)

"Oh fearless LEEEAAADEEERR?", Acin cried.

"What?", Speak said, turning around with a quite annoyed look on his face.

"Wouldn't it be smarter to attack when we're all in the Storm Runner?"

"Well.. erm.. umm.. hmm... well.. hmph.. maybe."

**Later**

"That's all of the MSSTs, except for Fuurgh's.", said Pax, finishing up inventory in the SR's hangar.

"Ok, someone find the droids and we'll go kick some mysterious Fuurgh-napping alien boo-tay!", said Silence.

**Still later**
"K, FourGOM is up and ready, and Gonk is powering up as we speak.", reported Arby.

"Where the hell did Pax go? Last I heard he and Jae were still taking inventory in the hangar, but I haven't heard from him since..", said Acin, ominously.

"Trying to give the story some direction, eh Acin?", said Speak.

"Whatever.. anyhoo, someone should go check on them.. now.. it could be dangerous, but then again, it could be a walk in the park. Who's willing to go?", Acin said, looking at the -ites.

No one raised their hands. Then suddenly Silence pointed at FourGOM and Gonk, who had just walked into the room. "SEND THEM!"

"Excuse me?", said FourGOM, perplexed.

"GONK GOOOOONK?", gonked Gonk.

posted October 24, 1999 07:31 PM            

"Well, now look what you did, you little overweight battery. We have to go see what the red-heads are doing. Grreaaaat."

"Gonk Goooonkk."

"You WANT to go see it? How repulsing. In that case, YOU can go in first."

They walked/waddled down to the hangar. Loud bangs were heard, increasing as the droid pair got closer. Then there was silence.

"Well, we're here. After you."

Gonk waddled in on his short stubby legs.

"GOOONNNKKKKK?????"

The noise reverbated across the hangar bay.

"That was loud....a little too loud. Hmm...wait, I've got it! We're missing a ship!"

* * *

As everyone on the bridge was arguing amongst themselves about what to do next, nobody noticed the small ship zoom out of the Storm Runner's innard until it went in front of the window.

"Hey!" yelled Acin

The ship entered hyperspace.

"We've got a delayed reaction transmission from the ship. Text only." said Silence

The message displayed on the main viewscreen.

"Hmm.....WHAT! They've gone looking for Fuurgh by themselves!" yelled Speak

posted October 24, 1999 08:07 PM            

Of on some planet somewhere that doesn't really matter, Maheda is testing out a new weapon. He points the gun at this practice dummy, Mart, and fires. Boom.

posted October 24, 1999 08:35 PM            

"You DO know that there were two people in that little ship that just hypered outta here who were red heads, right?", eilataN said.

"Umm.. yes."

"Ok, bye."

(OOS: AND THAT LADIES AND GENTS IS A USELESS POST RIVALING well.. umm.. Mah's I suppose.)

posted October 24, 1999 09:25 PM            

He looked around for a few seconds, then stared at the -Ites in awe.

"Hey, you guys, you're like, scars and stuff are all gone." He said, blinking in astonishment.

"What the heck are you talking about?" Asked Speak, "And who are you?"

"Uh, I'm Thren and... Uh oh, I seem to be in the wrong NeS!"

"Eh?"

"I've come into an alternative NeS! Or wait, I'm from the Alternative NeS, so I guess I've left an alternative Nes, or... Um anyway, I seem to have come into another version of my own universe, a very odd one at that."

The -Ites just gave him blank stares.

"Uh anyway, since I can't get back, I guess I can try and help you guys in anyway I can."

Again, only blank stares.

"Hello?"

Stares

"You listening to me?"

More stares.

posted October 25, 1999 12:05 PM            

"What the heck was that? I just picked up a temporal anom..." Dylan said, watching all the other -ites staring at this new visitor.

"...aly." Dylan finished.

"This is, uh..." Speak started. A few other -ites started to stutter around, looking for an explanation.

"I'm Threnody," the teenager said. "And you are?"

"I don't know, you tell us." Arby remarked sarcastically. "You're the one who just popped in on us."

"Well, I..." Threnody stammered.

"You just go around jumping in and out of different dimensions?" Dylan said angrily. "You better watch what you're doing, or you're going to rip a hole in the space-time continuum so big it could suck in a Star Destroyer."

"And right in the middle of our ship, I might add." Acin piped up. "You trying to kill us all?"

"And I won't even go into the incredible amount of radiation that that kind of interdimensional rift can create." Dylan said. "We may have to drop everything else for the time being to decontaminate the ship."

"Um," Threnody said, looking at the -ites, who were now just a bit disturbed. "Okay."

posted October 25, 1999 03:09 PM            

"Okay then, if you didn't bring yourself here, what did?" Pax questioned.

"I don't know, there was just this long time where, uh, there was no time, and then I was here."

"A long time where there was no time?"

"Well, you see nothing happened, at all for like a long time, we were on our way to the galaxies dump, Coruscant, when, we uh, froze for a long time."

"Uh oh, this sounds another like a case of the writers running out of ideas." Dylan thought out loud, "That's been happening to a lot of different NeS universes lately."

"And how would you know this?" Speak questioned.

"Uh, I dunno."

"Great, plot hole already."

"Dang, do the writers have no skill? They're going to cause massive holes in the space-time continuem if they continue this!" Acin shouted.

posted October 25, 1999 04:23 PM            

"GONK?" Gonk gonked.

"It's all very simple... all I have to do is add in another line to the NES... aha, here we go: 'And suddenly, Acinonyx had an idea...'"

And suddenly, Acinonyx had an idea...

posted October 25, 1999 11:08 PM            

"Of course, we still dont have a general plot though." Acin said.

"Well damn" Mannix said.

"Gonk Gonk" gonk gonked.

posted October 26, 1999 12:19 AM            

"Ten seconds till breakout," Pax told Jae over the ship's comm as he grasped the hyperdrive lever.

Up in the ship's turret, Jae grabbed the controls eagerly. "I'm ready, fish."

Pax grimaced as the timer counted down to zero. "Dammit," he muttered as he pushed the levers back up.

With a jolt, the ship zapped back into realspace, and Pax took the ship around in a wide arc to survey the area. Though they were no where near any star system, the site was pretty impressive. "Ok, now what is this?" Jae asked from the turret.

"I don't know," Pax replied. "It looks almost like... an abandoned amusement park floating through space?"

"Well.... I guess so. Not bad. You wearing your glasses or something?"

"Narf."

"Anyway... nothing to shoot here. How about we get a little closer?"

"The BSTTSF's ion trail leads inside anyway," Pax informed her. "Heading in."

***Meanwhile, on the Storm Runner***

"White holes, white holes!" Mannix screams as Void drags him down to the brig, while Dylan goes and gets some sedatives. "White holes, I tells ya!"

"Achem," Acinonyx said to the remaining crew gathered in the SR's meeting room. "As mentioned previously, I... dun dun dun! have an idea!"

The room was silent.

"What, no obvious jokes?"

The other -ites exachanged glances. Finally Arby spoke up. "It's been unanimously voted that that particular joke is too old and over used. Too expected. You understand."

"And for this crew to realize that," Speak added, "It has to be REALLY old and REALLY overused."

"Okay, fine," AC said. "Whatever. Basically it just occured to me that maybe we should follow Pax and Jae's course and help out."

The room was silent again.

"Now what?!"

"The author ran out of things to say."

***That big amusement park in the sky***

Pax descended the ramp of the Harrier cautiously, oversized plasma cannon in hand. Jae brought up the rear, her hands empty so as to give her quick access to her holdout blaster in her sleeve, the several knives sheathed on her body, or other little implements of death hidden in her pockets.

Outside the magcon field, they could see the BSTTSF docked to the side of the giant abandoned amusement park in the middle of nowhere. Despite that, the amusement part/space station seemed empty, with no one around to either help or harass them.

Pax adjusted the strap on the plasma cannon, then looked at Jae. "Ready?"

She glanced over at him. "If I wasn't, I wouldn't have let you land."

posted October 26, 1999 05:24 PM            

The -ites stopped to watch the Series. "GO YANKEES!", screamed Speak.

"GO BRAVES!", cried Arby.

"GO METS!", yelled Fuurgh.

"RED SOX BITCHES!", cried someone in the back.

"Hey.. Gonk got a Yankees sign..."

"So basically we've suspended the plot for a bit on one of two conditions right? A.) The Yankees win the Series or B.) Someone else posts..", said Acin.

"Exactly oh wise one..", said Arby.

**Back with Pax and Jae**

"So when exactly did we walk into a B-rate action flick?", asked Pax.

"Hey you wrote it, don't ask me."

"I thought it sounded cool.."

"Well.. anyhoo.. we'd better tell the others where the hell we are.."

"Really? I thought it was kinda' romantic being here alone."

Pax nudged closer to Jae, as close as he could get with his rifle in the way. (And I'm talking about the conc, not his unit.) "HEY! Just because we apparently live together doesn't not give you permission to try to 'get a free ride'.", Jae said, pulling out one of her many shiny, lethal knives.

"So this is a no means no thing?"

"Exactly."

posted October 26, 1999 07:49 PM            

"Yup, only a good 15 minutes from the SR now. I wonder what those boys are up to. And maybe that damned monkey will give me a reason to show them my new weapon..." he thought to himself. As he finally reached his destination, he saw that the Storm Runner was not in its proper location. Hell, it wasn't even in the vicinity of where he left it.

"Grrr... those guys, trying to trick me again, eh?" Maheda sped off in his scout ship, searching for his fellow -Ites.

posted October 26, 1999 09:44 PM            

"Heh. Look at this Jae."

"What is it?"

"Not sure. Let's move in closer."

*back with the rest of the -ites*

"YANKEES!"

"BRAVES!"

"NO, YANKEES!"

"BRAVES! AND THAT'S FINAL!"

Suddenly, CEO walked out of the room, and returned with a sign that said: "Help Me. I'm Deaf and *** -less."

All the -ites stared in amazement at CEO. Low mutterings rippled through the crowd of people.

"What's wrong," Arby asked?

"I don't know" Acin replied.

"Then what are we doing standing here like idiots for!?"

"The author must have had a braincramp."

"Oh."

*back with Jae and Pax*

"Look, Jae, it's a golf ball!"

*KABLONK*

"Ow, that stoopid golf ball hit my head. No, wait, it was another one. Where did that come from???"

A figure appeared in the distance, coming closer and closer.

"Howdy folks, I'm a fourwood. Sorry about that there golf ball hitting that head of yers, I hardly get anyone visitors these days."

"Erm, ok."

Jae looked at Pax, then whispered in his ear: "Isn't it time to go now, I think it is."

Just then, a large creature appeared.

"SQUAWK! SQUAWK!"

"What the hell is that!"

Fourwood: "Oh, it's just my pet Pengy. He's a mite fine feller, a nicer Penguin then you ever did seen."

Jae and Pax stared at the large, wet, heaving creature.

"Ok. Now I definitely think it's time to leave." Jae whispered to Pax.

"Nonsense honey, we've got all the time in the world."

Pengy, as he was affectionately called by fourwood, flew, rather actually hopped real right, onto Pax's shoulder.

"SQUAWK! Nonsense honey, we've got all the time in the world!"

Pax looked at Pengy, then to Jae, then back to Pengy.

"GET OFF MY FRIGGIN SHOULDER YOU STUPID THING" Pax yelled.

"GET OFF MY FRIGGIN SHOULDER YOU STUPID THING" the 'Pengy' squealed back.

Pax: "Ok, that's it. No stoopid penguin is gettng the best of me."

Pax pulled out his conc rifle and aimed it at his shoulder.

KABOOM!

"Oh yah, I reckon, yah, that there Pengy be back in a feller days, he done always find his way back to mah shoulder" fourwood drawled.

Pax and Jae frowned in unison, then headed back to the ship.

Suddenly, a bright light, brighter than any other light that was brighter than a really really bright light flashed, and a large blob teleported onto their ship!

"Yup yup yup, there he is. Back as quicker as evers."

Pax stared at the wreckage that was once his ship, then at the penguin hungrily chomping down on the comlink.

"AARRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!"

Jae tried to calm Pax down,"Now now. I'm sure fourwood and that cute Pengy can show us some other way to get off this hunk of junk."

"Sure thing, ma'am," fourwood said meekly as he bowed. "I know just the thing. Just let me collect all 4,678.345 of my golf balls."

posted October 26, 1999 10:02 PM            

"Yep, weell, like I said, ol' Pengy sorta does whate'er we decided he wants t'do."

"That's fine and good, no really," Jae said to fourwood. Then, pulling out one of her knives, she added. "Now I'll be blunt. We're here looking for a friend," she said, pointing at the BSTTSF through the magcon field, "And his kidnappers arrived in that. I think you want to fill us in on anybody that might meet that description."

"Why shure, ma'am," fourwood drawled. "That there ship belongs to a bunch fellers hole up in the old house of mirrors module on C deck. I can take ya there if'n you like."

Jae nodded towards the Harrier's wreckage. "Considering what you and your little Pengy owe us, I think that'd be a good idea."

As they conversed, the blob lost interest in dismantling the ship, and Pengy came waddling over to Pax again. He stuck the barrel of his plasma rifle against the bird's beak. "Why don't you go back to Batman Returns, where you belong?"

But then Jae dragged Pax over. "Fourwood's going to show us where Faelan and his bandy of merry Jawoks are hiding out, right?"

"Oh yes ma'am."

Pax squinted yokel carefully. "Funny, you look a lot like a guy we know named Fourwood."

"Really? That's really odd, ya know? I thought I new someone named Pax who looked like you, except he wore a goatee and worked for the Empire. Strange place this galaxy, a-yup."

posted October 26, 1999 10:22 PM            

"QCD!!! QCD!!! Potential! you fools! Had potential! Pure evil, Worldcraft is. PURE EVIL! Mart! devil man! hahahaha! Sharp pointy stick!"

Pax:"Uhhmmmn.... who exactly was that?"

posted October 27, 1999 11:56 AM            

"Okay, so what are we doing again?" Acin asked.

"Um, last I checked, we were following Pax and Jae," Arby replied.

"Yes, right, now then, let's get back to tha--"

Suddenly there was a giant flash of green light.

"What the hell just happened?!?!" Acin yelled, shielding his eyes.

"I have no idea," Void said.

posted October 27, 1999 11:27 PM            

As Everyone's attention was turned to Void, who was again Void Dragon, Cho'Koth walked out of Back areas of the SR, just fastening his Helmet in place, as the saw void he stopped and looked around. "Dammit, I ALWAYS come in after something important has happened! Hey, Where's Pax and Jae?"

Cho's Question reminded Acin what they were supposed to be doing, and he walked over to the nav computer, and plotted the necessary course to follow Pax and Jae after the Fuurgh-nappers.

posted October 29, 1999 12:36 AM            

Meanwhile, Jon`C, whereever he is in the galaxy, suddenly grows long sideburns and finds himself wearing a leisure suit.

***Back on the Storm Runner***

Acinonyx leans back in the pilot's chair as the corvette hurls itself through hyperspace. "It's about time we got on the right track," he comments to Arby, who sits in the co-pilots seat.

"I dunno, I kind wanted to do some long witty dialogue scenes or magnificiently choerographed fight scene. It's been too long, dammit!"

AC shrugs. "What're you gonna do?"

Arby shrugs back. "I figure something will pop up soon anyway."

Just at that moment, the hyperdrive engines of the SR screamed in protest as it was drug kicking and screaming out of hyperspace early. As they reverted to real space, a big flying pirate ship appeared in their forward view screen. The holocomm sprang to life, showing a scene of five pirates.

"Avast, ye flea bitten boon-doggies!" the pirate leader said. "Prepared to be boarded!"

"Aye!" another said.

"Avast!"

"Arrrrrrrrrrr," a third said.

AC looked at Arby. "There you go."

Arby pulled out the DHS and looked it over, and made sure his stapler was still in place. "We'll be waiting!" he said pleasantly to the pirate leader.

***On the derelict(?) space-borne Amusement Park***

"Ooo! Ooo!" Jae said, grabbing Pax by the arm. "It's the Grizzly Bear!"

Pax looked at the rickety old ride skeptically. "I dunno... we... uh, have to find Fuurgh, you know..."

"He can wait. Come on!"

Fourwood just watched them go while the left side of his face twitched absently. The penquin, however, followed after them loyally.

posted October 29, 1999 12:41 PM            

"GONK! GOOONK! GONK!" Gonk gonked.

"What is it sweetie?" Silence responded. "Is that exaust system of yours clogged again?"

The Amazon Assassin pulled out an examination glove. "Here, let me help you, sweetie!"

"GOOOOONNNNKKKK!" The droid squeeled. "GONK! GOONK! GONK GONK!"

Cho'Koth finally clued in "He says it's the Dread Pirate Roberts!"

4GOM sidarmed Gonk. *clang!*
"You stupid Jawa accessory! It's the Red Dwarf!"

AC calmly turned the morons of metal off.
"eh, I'll turn them on if we need them."

"Well, we know where all of the dust will collect." spoke Void (Obviously.)

Speak cleared his throat and pointed at the camera view of the docking port. "Well and good that the droids are so amusing, but we have a pressing matter that is slightly more important."

The -ites turned and watched the disheveled band of space pirates began to poke around the docking bay. Suddenly Dylan began to laugh...

**On the Warped Junkyard Space Station**

Jae finished the ride, breathless and with a wide grin. She looked at Pax. "Wow, what a ride! You're replaced!"

Pengy began to jump up and down excitedly. "YOU'RE REPLACED!!! YOU'RE REPLACED!!!"

Pax looked at Jae, then Pengy, then turned and walked back to where fourwood was standing. Pengy followed Pax at a run.
"I'D KEEP YOU!!! I'D KEEP YOU!!!"

Jae followed at a cautious distance. "Doobie, doobie doo, watch out for that penguin, Pax, they like fish."

fourwood stood at the same spot, chewing on a toothpick. "Y'all have yerselfs a rowdy time?"

posted October 30, 1999 02:34 PM            

"Welp, here we are," Pax said, looking the doorway to the attraction over.

"No kidding," Jae replied as she walked to the door and flung it open. Inside was a dusty maze of crud-covered mirrors. Pax and Jae entered cautiously, as their reflections danced before them.

"Hello evil people!" Pax yelled into the maze. "Give us Fuurgh right now and we won't disintegrate you!"

No response came from the maze. Pax moved forward, trying to find the right path, and ended up looking at himself in the mirror. He noticed for the first time the pitiful fuzz of an attempted goatee on his face. "Hrm," he commented, rubbing his chin. "I need a shave."

Jae came up beside him, and glanced at her own reflection. "What the hell... so do I!"

Pax jerked his head around to look at Jae. "Wait... you don't have a goatee..."

A warped voice came from the mirror. "Neither do you!" Pax snapped his gaze back to the mirror just in time to see his goateed reflection lunge for his throat. Down they went, the evil one throttling the relatively not-so-evil one.

Meanwhile, Jae produced a serrate machete from... somewhere... and threatened her own evil universe twin. "Stay the hell away from me, butch bitch."

"What?" Evil Jae said innocently. "All I want to do is help, sweetie!"

"Ahhhh!" Jae screamed, lunging at the victim of double negativity, "DIE, me!" With two quick swipes, Evil Jae's internal organs were decorating the grimy abandoned linolium.

Meanwhile, Pax had managed to grab one of his guns and cram it into Evil Pax's mouth. "Eat this!" Evil Pax's brains decorated the ceiling nicely.

Pax staggered to his feet as he wiped skull fragments off of his clothes. "Well, that was fun."

Jae was finishing polishing her weapon. "Come on, Pax, the joke is dead. You bludgeoned it to death about five posts ago."

They walked further into the maze, Pengy following the red footprints loyally. "Ah comeon," Pax's voice faded away as they walked away from the camera, "evil twins from alternate dimensions are fun..."

***Meanwhile, deeper in the House of Mirrors***

"You will tewl us what you know, Fuuwgh!" Faelan screamed as he tried to torture the -ites favorite furghling.

"Oh, yes, more!" Fuurgh cried instead.

"Phoowey."

***Meanwhile, on the Storm Runner***

Everyone looked at Dylan. "What the hell are you laughing at?" someone asked.

"Look! 4-GOM was right!" Dylan managed before he lost his mind and doubled over in laughter and fell to the floor.

The -ites looked at Dylan a moment longer, then at the five pirates on the monitor. three looked human, though one had an H on his forehead, while another was in a very stylish suit. The other two were little robots with three fingers and little pirate hats. The humans held large boxy tube things like weapons.

"Holy crap!" AC said. "It really is the crew of the Red Dwarf!"

"What in the name of the Force is happening to the fabric of the universe!" Speak cried.

Then, as they watched the crew bumbled down the hallway on the monitor, Speak, Cho, and Silence inexplicable joined Dylan in an uncontrolable laughing fit...

***With Maheda***

"Trace complete," Maheda mumbled to himself as he recieved the coordinates of the SR's location. "Why are they in the middle of space though?"

He shrugged to himself and threw his scout ship into hyperspace. At the appointed time, it dove back into realspace. Mah looked at the scene in front of him in shock. The Storm Runner was sitting motionless in space, a large green bug-looking ship attached to it's docking port, and even larger red blocky ship with a net on one end and a lampshade on the other circling.

"Looks like I arrive right on time..."

***Amusement park***

In the blood soaked entraceway to the House of Mirror's the corpses of Evil Pax and Relatively Not-That-Evil Jae twitched...

posted November 03, 1999 12:32 PM            

"No-ho-ho.... don't! They-hey-hey're to funny!" Dylan held his hand on the DHS, laughing uncontrollably. He then keeled over from the laughter, and went unconcscious.

"What the..." Arby questioned... he sniffed the air for just a moment... then covered his mouth with his left arm.

"What is it?", AC asked.

Arby shouted through his shirt sleeve, "It's Laughing Gas! They're pumping the life support systems with laughing gas!". He pointed to the Air duct located over Dylan's console. Arby watched as both Silence, Speak, and Cho'Koth all keeled over next to Dylan, laughing uncontrolably. "Get a Breather mask!"

Acinonyx scrambled around the room looking for the breather. He found it tucked under a box of Road flares and spare Rail detonater charges. He quickly tossed it to Arby. "they must've filled the gas with sedative, Nitrious Oxide isn't that paralyzing..."

Arby ignored AC's statement as he clenched the breater in his mouth. He motioned AC to grab the motionless four -ites away from the ventilation duct. AC Silently obeyed, pulling Dylan and Speak while Arby dragged Silence and Cho to the far side of the room.

"It'll only be a matter of time before they sufficate..." AC solomnly remarked. Arby nodded, and tugged on AC's shoulder, pointing at the deactivated droids. "Yeah, I suppose we need'em now...". AC switched on the two dopey droids, and stood back as the stooges sprung to life.

4GOM was the first to get up. It became irritated quickly, resenting the abrupt shut down. "Hey! What's the big idea you blue plated bastar-"

Gonk cut him off with an inquisitive "Gooonnnnk?", looking at the 4 unconscious -ites.

"The pirates pumped laughing gas into our life support systems, they must've used the Red Dwarf crew as a decoy", AC explained, "We need you to to access the ventilation unit and shut down the flow of Nitrious Oxide".

Arby nodded.

4GOM looked uneasy, "What if those pirates try to blast us?".

"I'm sure they've got better things to do then shoot unarmed droids,". AC reassured him, "Besides, Arby will go down with you... if you run into any trouble. I'll get to the bottom of this and find out what the pirates are doing on our ship. Got it?".

The 3 nodded.

posted November 04, 1999 01:36 AM            

It remembered the other dimensions it had visited. Many sentient beings had been killed - it recalled the delicious taste of the life-energies they emitted upon death - but even those feedings had paled in comparison to the possibilites here.

The creature called it's like. His voice not only rippled through the essence of X-1013, in through the Force and through bursts of radiation, it sent reverberations through the dimensions in similar alignment to it. Soon the other members of it's species would arrive here.

Soon they would feed.

However, the creature's interdimensional beckon didn't go unnoticed...

*** ON THE STORMRUNNER ***

"We seem to be made to suffer." FourGOM complained, "It's our lot in life."
"GONK" Gonk gonked, gonkily.
"Are you sure this thing is safe?"
"GONK!"
"Well, no need to be rude." He replied, going back to tightening down the loose valve with a hydrolic ratchet. "How was I to know this would be the fire retardant valve? I'm only a droid."
Arby wiped some more of the blue foam off his shirt and flung it at the two.
"GONK."

*** SOMEWHERE ELSE ON THE STORMRUNNER ***

"I feel a disturbance in the Force!" Acinonyx yelled over the comm, just moments before the shockwave hit the corvette. Everybody on board was tossed around like a LEGO man in a child's toybox.
"Thanks for the warning." Arby replied, only half-sincere. "Hmmm... It seems I can't use the Force anymore."
"Neither can I. That has something to do with the 'disturbance' part, maybe?!" Acinonyx yelled.
"Calm down. I have the sneaking suspicion that this is some undercreative writer's half-assed plot to keep us from using the Force, but then again it might actually be something serious."

"Serious? In the NES? Never!" Speak yelled, stumbling to his feet and holding the SPORK up in defiance.
"Ohhhhhhhhhhkay. In the meantime, let's kick some pirate ass!"

posted November 04, 1999 08:04 PM            

***Storm Runner***

"Speak's started to recover," AC told Arby over the comm as Arby, Gonk, and Gommer continued trying to shut of the nitrious flow.

"I owe it all to the ALMIGHTY SPORK," Arby heard Speak say on the other end.

Arby grunted a reply through the painfully inconvenient Jedi breath mask.

"That's great," Gommer translated. "Whatever was going on with the Force has passed now, though, fortunately. I think we're almost done here. Right guys?"

"Gooooooooooooooooooooooonk."

***That big abandoned amusement park in the sky***

As they penetrated deeper into the hall of mirrors, Pax, Jae, and Pengy began to hear movement all around them.

"I think I hear the pitter-pat of hideous little genetic abominations," Pax whispered.

"Good, finally something exciting to do."

"I'm just wondering how they managed to set up a base in a hall of mirrors..."

But Jae put a hand on one reflective wall. "Maybe they didn't." Pulling out a knife, she slid it into the crack between two of the mirrors and pried open a secret door. "Must be a service door," she said. Looking to Pax, she added, "Ready for a little natural selection?"

Pax checked his saber, cocked his gun, and nodded. "Bring on the survival of the fittest."

***Storm Runner***

The other three unconscious -Ites began to wake up as the nitrious oxide filtered out of the air.

"What happened?" Dylan asked as he rubbed his head.

"Oh, you know," Acinonyx answered. "Pirates, laughing gas, oxygen depravation, that kind of thing."

"I guess you got that flow cut off, then," Cho said.

"That's a big affirmative," Arby said as he, Gonk, and 4-GOM climbed out of a nearby ventilation duct.

"And the pirates?" Silence asked.

Just then, the door opened, and a managy space pirate stepped through.

"Arrrrr!" he growled.

"They're not quite under control yet," Speak said...

posted November 05, 1999 02:25 AM            

"What are you doing on my ship, pirate?", AC demanded, unsheathed a mean-looking DL-44.

"Arrgh, I'll be the one asking questions were, shark bait!", With that, the space pirate reached for his holstered sword.

"Watch out! He's packing heat!", shouted one of the -ites.

"Argh" was all the pilot said as he violently yanked an ornate handle out of his holster. However, the handle was all he pulled out, no blade or anything of the like.

"What the..." the breather masked dropped out of Arby's mouth, gaping at the odd sight.

"He doesn't even have a blade on that thing!" Silence shouted, pulling out an E-11.

The pirate only smiled as he flicked a switch on the handle with his thumb. suddenly, a stream of blue light emited from the handle formed an unmistakable image of a falchion's blade. His smile turned into insane laughter as he menacingly brandished and swong his weapon to insight fear into the dumbfounded -ites. Soon the 15 other pirates behind him did the same, swinging their light-swords in the same fashion.

Arby narrowed his eyes as he reached for a holstered lightsaber. Speak, Dylan and Cho did the same as AC and Silence stayed back with armed blasters. Arby let out a battle cry as the -ites charged forth into the army of space pirates. The Lead pirate called two of his cronies to intercept Arby. A sideways slash across the pirates' stomach and their pancreas, liver, spleen, and other internal organs were on the floor. Cho easily cut down a pirate attacking with an over-head swing, but Speak and Dylan weren't faring so well, mobbed by 6 foul-smelling, bearded scallawags. Speak had done the most he could, pushing three pirates to the ground, when one came behind him and smashed the hilt of his light-sword into the back of Speak's head. Speak hit the floor without so much as an "ow".

Dylan, on the other hand, had his back to the console he was previously working at, head-to-head with a particularly hairy pirate, with only the two lightsaber blades between them. Two other pirates waited behind their large companion, should he falter. Straining to keep the burly opponent from slashing open his chest, Dylan struggled to gain control with the force and push the pirate back on top of his two colleages. Suddenly, the heads of the two pirates behind him exploded in a brilliant red flash, surprising both Dylan and the attacking Pirate. The pirate turned around just in time for Dylan to take advantage of his opponent. He quickly shoved his saber into the heart of the smelly, brawny, raider. The pirate, shocked by the turn events, merely let out a pitiful moan, and fell backwards on his butt. Dylan caught his breath for a moment, and then admired his handiwork on the two other pirates. He smiled, "I didn't know I could do that...

Meanwhile, across the room, Silence let out a disappointed sigh... right before 4 pirates lunged at her and tackled her to the ground.

posted November 19, 1999 03:38 PM            

Speak awoke. He thought he was awake anyway, as it was dark. But then he heard the scuttering of small feet across the floor and then over his face and knew that he wasn't fortunate enough to be asleep and dreaming.

He looked around, which was pretty stupid since he couldn't see anything.

"Anybody there?" he whimpered weakly. No response. "Ah, crap," he muttered to himself.

Suddenly, the door opened. In walked a pirate. "Arrh, matey! Awake with ye now! We have work for ye to do!" The pirate dragged Speak to his feet.

Speak was pushed out into the dingy hallway. Barely able to see, he hit something small and metallic and tripped over it.

"Gonk!"

Speak hugged the little droid. "Gonk! It's me, Speak!"

"Gonk gonk gonk!"

posted November 20, 1999 08:14 AM            

"GONK GONK" said Gonk
"tell anyone about this and i'll have you recycled" Speak replied.

posted November 20, 1999 01:31 PM            

The Pirate, dirty with some still unshavened stubble across his chin, coughed on the neck of the captured Speak, wiped his mouth, and continued forward. he kept going, a little groggy from the bottle of scotch he had ingested, or rather indegested, untill a bump on the back of his leg caused him to turn momentarily. "What the hell are you doin' here? get back to work!", he started to unholster his pistol when he felt a "snap" in his neck as his head was jolted back more than 90 degress, and fell to the ground, lifeless.

"Nice work Gonk", Speak patted the droid, and quickly went to robbing the corpse of the Pirate for anything useful. He frantically scoured the body, searching for a key pass... maybe a blaster or light saber, anything! His eyes and hands gazed upon a shiny little sword handle, familiar as of the battle. The Battle! AC, Dylan, Arby, Cho, Silence, everyone! What had happened to them... he had to find out, right after he found a way out of there. He scrounged up a bacta tank, a blaster rifle, with 2 clips, and the light sword. No Security pass, damn, they probably have a keypad access system, no need for a pass then, unless it was a fingerprinting system too... . Speak sighed, and held his breath as he flared up the sword and... shudder, cut the pirate's hand off. As he tucked the hand into the belt, also appropriated by the pirate, the thought occoured that they might also have a retina scan.Damn...

***At The Spaceport/Amusement Park***

Pax kept his distance from that damn Pengy, staying at least 10 paces behind Jae, fourwood, and the accursed avion. fourwood and Jae were already yapping it up, discussing the location, nature, and propose of the ship, adding annicdotes here and there with an equal amount of friendly chuckles. Pax felt like he was walking forever, and the two's chatter didn't help matters. He drearily continued forth until he heard the oddest sound. Like a speeder engine, but no engine he had heard before. He looked around curiously, and then warily, and soon out of fear. Whatever it was, it couldn't have been good. The sound, for lack of a better word, sounded almost evil, threatening, imposing. Jae had sensed it too, and had unsheathed one of her throwing knives. Pax drew his Blaster pistol while the sound swelled and echoed around them. As it came closer, it sounded more familiar to Pax, but he still couldn't put his finger on it. A few more seconds of dramatic tension, and then...

"Ah, What are ye' two doin' there now? waitin' far an ivitation there?" fourwood inquired.

Jae replied, "Don't you here that? It sounds like a speeder, what is it?"

"I think I know," Pax shouted as he narrowed his eyes and charged towards what he believed to be the source.

"Wait, Pax!" Jae followed behind him, leaving the befuddled fourwood alone with his Pengy.

"hey now there alright eh! Slow yourselves down a notch uh huh! Get your hides back over this here place now!" fourwood shouted, but did not move. the two -ites were too far away to here him.

"Why aren't they following you?" The Eerie, electronically changed voice next to fourwood startled him into soiling his pants. He turned towards a tall, large, cloaked figure with an omnimous presence.

"Ah, er, uhm, ah. They were, uh, de-stracted by that secret weap-un of yurs there."

"You're suppose to be leading them here, hurry or your life will be forfiet, human."

"Yes sir, yes sir... I'll do that now okay?" Fourwood nodded in deathly fear, and awed in shock as the hologram of the figure disappeared in front of his eyes