posted May 21, 2000 03:31 PM            

Pax shot him a glance. "Details, details."

"You know," Acinonyx interjected thoughtfully. "It occurs to me that where ever it is, Sluug and Skinner are probably running to it right now."

Pax almost choked on his own spit. "Aggh! We've got to find it and get there first!"

"Where'd that guy go?" Dylan asked. "Maybe he knows."

Speak looked around suspiciously. "Let's see, maybe he's..." Suddenly spinning around, Speak waved the Almighty Spork at a crate, which flew out of the way, revealing The Man huddling in a corner. "There!"

"Ieee!" The Man screamed. "Don't hurt me! Don't hurt me!"

Retrieving his Big-Ass Gun from the now empty crate of weapons, Pax walked over to the supposed scientist and pressed the barrel against his throat, shoulders and crotch all at once. "I'd like to know where my ship is," he asked politely.

"At the back of the citadel, behind a big rock," the man squeaked.

Pax turned to the others. "All right, let's go."

***** Meanwhile, out behind the citadel, behind a big rock*****

"This is all your fault!" Sluug yelled at Skinner. "I thought you a big tough guy! But noooo, you got beat by a 8-bit videogame accessory!"

"Shad up," Skinner grumbled. "'Cause of you, I'm probably exiled from my own world! Those -Ites had already defeated the King AND his son, so now Arby's people'll probably take over."

"Well, we still have their ship," Sluug said with satisfaction as they rounded the edge of the rock, behind which the Storm Runner was landed.

"You're just plain stupid, ain't ya?" Skinner laughed as they headed for the large boarding ramp. "Having this means we're almost guanteed to run into them again."

"Just be quiet," Sluug yelled. "I'll think of something. Remember, I'm the Master, you're just the lackey."

"Isn't that my line?" came a voice from the top of the ramp.

"What? Who're you?" Skinner demanded of the masked, caped villain standing above them.

The anonymous figure just laughed. "You don't think Sluug cloned himself, do you? Now, as your current Master is soon to be... recycled, Skinner, how would you like gainful employment under me?"

*****With the -Ites*****

"There it is!" Acinonyx yelled as they zoomed low over the hills behind the royal citadel in Amiar's forgotten skiff. Ahead, the Storm Runner was rising up over a really big rock, preparing to lift off.

"Dammit, they're going to get away!" Pax yelled.

"Don't worry, we'll see it again," Dylan reassured the cyborg. "In fact, I'm sure we'll probably devote every bit of energy available to the search."

Then the Storm Runner zoomed by overhead, deafening the -Ites. Looking over their shoulders, they saw it blast the castle to cinders with the bottom turbolasers, then lift off, only to disappear into a blue trinagle of light.

posted May 27, 2000 12:49 AM            

Cho Looked over at Pax and Speak, who were debating over plans. "I saw we go in, and just win a ship at Sabacc, most of the -ites are really good at cheating anyway." Speak said, almost diplomaticly

"Well...yeah, but that would make for a boring story...why don't we just rush a ship, overload it's defences, and take it by force, while the trail from the SR is still warm?"

"Why don't we do both?" Cho interjected. "Gonk, Fuurgh, and Rob can go into the Spaceport Cantina, and work on getting a ship, while the rest of use attempt to steal one." The un-Trekkie finished.

"But, won't that leave us a little weakened?" Rob said, not really wanting to be stuck with the little monkey, and the walking battery.

"Well, kinda, but it will make for an interesting sub-plot" Cho said.

Unable to argue with that logic, the -ites took off into their respective directions.

posted May 27, 2000 01:04 AM            

"GONK!" Gonk gonked in horror.

"EEEEEEEEEE!" Fuurgh screamed, running behind the droid and hiding.

"Let's get it on!" Rob said, putting his Power Glove on and cracking his knuckles.

"Gonk? Gonk gonk GONK!" Gonk gonked at Rob.

"Don't worry, I won't hurt them too badly," Rob laughed evilly. "And I'll be careful." With that, Rob jumped head first into the melee.

"Gooooooooonk," Gonk sighed as he readied his weapons and went in to save Rob as best he could.

Fuurgh surveyed the situation, gained a bit of courage, and scampered out from behind Gonk. "Heh heh heh," Fuurgh laughed, looking over the room. The monkey climbed up the wall, got ahold of one of the light fixtures, threw himself into the crowd of angry men fighting, and began scratching and kicking as fast as he could. "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-HEE-HEE-HEE!"

*** Meanwhile, with our villains ***

The evil anonymous figure stepped down from the ramp and removed his mask. "So, Skinner, would you like to move up in the world of Evil NeS Villains?" the man asked.

Sluug gasped in horror. It was Kaeps, wielder of the Sprok.

"You're just another -ite clone," Sluug complained. "How can you be the master?"

"Well, I'm the most recent clone, and I have a powerful clone of an -ite weapon, and..."

"... and you're still a clone, just like me." Sluug said. "You're not the master. You're just part of a clone army." Sluug tried to peer into the door of the ship. "So where are the other -ite clones?"

"Um, well, they're coming along. These darn -ites seem to be so stubborn they won't clone. Except that orange monkey-thing. He's like a darn tribble." Kaeps replied.

"Well, that's wonderful." Sluug groaned.

"The -ite weapons have been recreated," Kaeps said. "All will be well when the ultimate weapon is created."

"Ultimate weapon?" Sluug asked. "Well, gee, we just got our butts kicked. It better be pretty darn awesome."

"It is," Kaeps laughed evilly. "It will be pure evil, and very capable of eliminating the -ites."

"Aren't evil clones pure evil anyway?" Sluug asked.

"It's inversely proportional to the original subject," Kaeps shrugged.

"You don't mean..." Sluug gasped.

"Yep," Kaeps said as an evil grin appeared on his face.

posted May 27, 2000 06:40 PM            

Wandering out into the twilight she wondered where on earth the -ites could have gone. She caught a scent in the shadows, and stretched one arm, slipping the other hand into a knuckle blade. When the figure was close enough, Jae turned, snaked the arm around the man's shoulder in a half-Nelson, then placed the knuckle blade against his jugluar.

"Care to tell me why you didn't give yourself a proper introduction?"

Jae turned the man so that she would see his face. Though dirty and smelling like a corpse that had been left out into the sun and bloated until disfigured beyond recognition, the man bore a striking resemblance to Dylan! She threw the man to the ground and held her blaster on him. "Well?"

"Girly, I doubt you could pull the trigger, why don't you get me a drink, and well head to the resort to, ahem, talk this over. What's your price?" He stood up, looking over her body from her sandaled feet to her holstered hips to her chest then back to her eyes. Jae raised and eyebrow. Death would be long and painful for this ugly thing, but Jae would get her information first.

She Narrowed her eyes. "First you will tell me who you are, or what you are. Then you will tell me what hapened to my friends. After that you will tell me wher your friends are, considering you are far to clumsy to survive on your own. And Lastly, well, let just say, I'll get what I want from you."

She holstered her blaster and un clipped her Cat 5 o' 9 Tail in one swifty movement. The whip gave a merry crack, then coiled neatly at Jae's feet. "Now, come along into the back room." The man sneered, and in an agile flick of her wrist, the whip caught the man about his wrists and waist and a pull from her muscled arm flung the man through the doorway. He reeled into the back wall face first. When he turned his nose was at an angle and bleeding profusely. He sullenly and painfully followed the direction of Jae's finger into the back room.

Slamming the door behind them, she glared at the man, "Who are you?"

"A clone." He grimaced as her touched his face to his sleeve. "They named me Nnaalliidd, Nal for short."

"Charming" Jae sat cross legged on the card table. "Now we're getting somewhere. Where are my friends?"

"Maybe they decided to ditch you, you worthless whore."

"YOU sound too much like a Void for my taste." The c5o'9t flicked out and caught Nal between the legs. An electric current shot out from the tails, sending a painful current into his body from his most treasured organs. He was whimpering in a ball on the floor before Jae had the whip neatly coiled back into her hand. "Where are the -ites?"

gone, I dunno. And I don't know where the other clones are either." Nal began to weep. Jae was tempter to take pity on him and let him live, but her instincts told her better. She hauled him to his feet, then tossed him down the incinerator chute. It was a faster death than she would of liked, but she couldn't waste more time...

---------------------------------------------

*Back to the Dastardly Trio*

Kaeps continued to grin, and waved the two into the ship. "Come and see for yourself."

Skinner and Sluug eagerly wandered in, completely unprepared for the revolting site. In a protective room, glued to a rerun of a poor excuse for anime, was the clone of Void`Zoso in full Sailor Moon regalia. "Isn't she beautiful?"

Sluug pressed drily against the window. "What on earth could be more evil than Void?"

Kaeps smiles wickedly. "That is the part I love the most. While the real Void is evil, Doid, excuse me, Sailor Doid, is perfectly good. Thus she became attached to Sailor Moon. Now she believes that all imperfect people must be destroyed. And since I'm her, uhm...father, I tell her who is imperfect."

"She?" Skinner looked wary.

"Yes, The extreme opposite of well, an evil boy, is a good girl. I rather like the outfit. And no, you cannot sleep with her."

The episode finished, and the girl stood and stretched her gangly limbs. Her slightly wrinkled Sailor Scout uniform hung from her frame and she sauntered towards the window.

And she spoke, in a nasal, high pitched voice that grated in Skinners ears and vibrated in his mind...

posted May 27, 2000 10:53 PM            

"Geez, I'm glad to get out of that crazy place," Speak said, "And back to a world where things don't make much sense."

Pax rubbed his set but butterfly-bandaged nose as he reappeared on the Drazen street. "Yeah, but I still want my friggin' ship back!"

"Don't worry, Pax, we'll find it... someday!"

As a unit, the -Ites began heading toward the Cantina, as they were all really thirsty. Bringing up the rear was Rob, who noticed that his Power Glove was doing weird things now that it was out of TACMO's weird little pocket universe. "Guys," he said as he watched one of the studs flash repeatedly. "Guys...?"

Just then, someone smacked him on the head with a frying pan.

***In the Cantina, where they had discovered Jae hanging out in her hammock, reading a book***

"...basically he looked like Dylan, but was his complete opposite. I mean, just imagine taking a self-depreciating Amish man and converting him into a slovenly, arrogant pig. He wasn't evil, really, just... extremely unwholesome."

"How repulsive," Dylan cringed.

At that point, Rob walked in and sat down at the bar. Jumping down from the ceiling, Fuurgh showed him a picture of Laetitia Casta he'd just found. "EEEEEEEEE!! Lookit Rob! You can almost see her whopos!"

"Ahhh!" Rob screamed. "Get that smut away from me."

All sound in the Cantina ceased, and all eyes turned to Rob and Fuurgh. But before anyone could yell out anything dramatic like "Ahh! Evil clone!" the window blew in, and a short green thing bounced across the floor.

"CHEESEBURGERS!"

Wazzit started banging his head on his tabletop.

posted May 27, 2000 10:55 PM            

"You're dirty" The Rob clone said to be hensefor be known as boRnitaS " I will cleanse the world of all that is dirty and unwholesome!"

"you..YOU'RE EVIL!" fuurgh screamed as he scrampered away from boRnitaS.

"Actually, it seems that these 'evil' clones are quite good. They could help reverse all the damage we caused" Thren said before a blaster hit him in the shoulder.

"oooooowwwwwwwwwwwww!"

"Silence" a figure said from the background. "You fucks are going to shut your mouth's before I shut you up" The Anti-Dylan said. "duck buck, titty FUCK!"

"you really shouldnt curse" boRnitaS said.

"shadup"

"CHEESEBURGER" Yogi said as.....

*BAM* *BAM* *BAM*

-then silence-

posted May 28, 2000 09:14 AM            

Pax tried to remember the battle, Thren had gone down first, the blaster bolt in the arm took him out straight from the start, he rembered fuurgh lashing out against boRnitaS before having his tail cut off by Paxxaps light saber. Speak and himself had teamed up against a group of !Knog clones who, insted of being droids were infact large battle robots armed to the hilt with blasters.
Mart had joined the battle late as usual, weilding his neon glow baseball bat he tried to take out Paxxaps, but was impailed and flung across the cantina. The rest of the battle went quickly, the -ites put up a decent fight but were no match for the clones, Speak was incapacitated by !Knog 8, shortly after that Pax him self was slashed and stumbled back against the wall. Arby fell next, then Dylan, Jae was after that and then.. he couldnt remember.

"We got beaten again" Pax murmured, "twice in one nes, this is rough"

A large bulky figure towered over him.

"Knog Knog!" it wailed towards the doorway.

"Really?" Said a new voice from the doorway "Grab him and a few others of the more alive ones", the figure laughed and went outside, Pax tried one last time to grab his lightsaber before once again losing consicousness....

posted May 30, 2000 02:02 PM            

"I am Kaeps, the leader of these evil and sometimes-not-so-evil clones. Evil laugh: ha-ha, ha ha!"

"But you're just a clone of Speak," Pax coughed. "You're nothing more than an unoriginal plot element yourself."

"Oh yeah, well you... smell bad!" Kaeps countered proudly.

Pax shook his head. That was what happened when you made an anti-clone of a fairly intelligent person. Looking around, Pax noticed that Paxxaps was steady bashing his head against the wall, Orange Angel, Acin's poorly researched double, was drooling in the corner, and Kay, Jae's doppelganger, was walking among the clones looking for cheap dirty sex. Looking back to Kaeps, Pax asked weakly, "So what are you going to do with us now?"

Kaeps smiled. "Why, you're going to be herded onto my ship, the ClearSkies Walker, where you'll be transported to meet my creator. And let me tell you, he is reeeal eager to kill... er, I mean meet, you -Ites." Glancing at Speak, he added, "Especially my inferior 'father' over there. Evil laugh: hoo-hah ha ha hee!"

<OOS>I've picked out a great villain for the creator of the clones! So please don't make him Darth Jar Jar or another evil clone of -Iteness, okay?</OOS>

<OOS from Speak: you put Paeks when it's Kaeps, so I fixed it>

posted May 30, 2000 08:48 PM            

Kaeps pulls out his butterknife, and waved it, sending resounding shockwaves throughout the entire room, knocking all the -ites on their butts, and sending all their weapons clattering across the floor. "Easy, My creator made sure that my clone of your so-called Spork, was far more powerful."

With another gesture, Kaeps knocked all the -ites unconscious, and had his loser clones (The ones that could form coherant thought) round them all up, and carry them to the Clearskies Walker.

As they entered Hyperspace, Pax began to stir, his cyborg compontents helping to bring him around. He found himself in an airtight, forcefield re-inforced container...which would regularly send an elctical shock throughout the entire cell, keeping the weapons in his cybernetic arm offline. He noticed that he was also blind to the force, which was quickly explained by the Ysalimiri on top of his cell. Inbetween electrical shocks, he noticed all the other -ites seemed to be in similar situations, their individual cells being taylor made to the specific -ite. Another shock racked his body, and Pax fell into unconsciousness again.

The ship finally finally came to rest on a remote planet, and all the -ites were wheeled out infront of the ship, where they came face to face with their welcoming party....5 legions of Stormtroopers...all of them being anti-clones of the originals meaning each was a crackshot.

posted May 31, 2000 12:30 AM            

Around them, their doppelgangers were prancing about happily, each wielding their strangly powerful duplicates of the -Ites signature weapons. Paxxaps jumped on top of Pax's box and began drooling on the clear surface. Warily the -Ites began exchanging silent glances.

As they entered the castle's high-walled hall, they were surprised to see huge murals of their various adventures ever since that day Echoba the Ewok King first came to Cloud City. They saw the battle against Roland, Emmerich, and their crappy creations. They saw pictures of Cloud City's fiery demise, the -Ite's defeat and imprisonment in Kessel, and the death of Han Solo. There was the grand battle against Darkness, the manhunt for Justin0, and Leia's turn to the darkside. The murals seemed never ending, and at one point pictures of the old days only few remember, including battles against the Trade Federation and Palpatation's rise to power, interrupted the sequence of events for some reason. Returning to the present, even the recent attack by Skinner and entanglements with the TACMO were portrayed. Finally, however, at the end of the hall, was one final mural, and on it, all the -Ites lay dead, slain by a mysterious figure who stood above their bleeding corpses.

"I really don't like that one," Pax said to himself, and from a look at the others, he could tell they weren't amused either.

Leading the procession, Kaeps walked into a grand throne room, larger and more impressive than anything the -Ites had ever seen. On either side were huge pits, and directly before them was a massive stepped stage, behind which was a huge red curtain, and atop which was an empty pedistal. Next to the podium stood a man robed in darkness. Beside him stood Skinner, and beside skinner stood another cloaked man.

Walking to the base of the stage, the anti-Ites paused to wait for instructions. With a motion, the robed man indicated for his minions to free the -Ites, and after a few moments, each battle-weary warrior emerged, still bound by wrist and ankle restraints, all the Jedi among them still made powerless by nearby ysalimiri.

"Did you bring it?" the first robed man demanded, his voice echoing endlessly in the vastness of the room.

"Yes, master," Kaeps replied, motioning Bornitas forward. Careful with his prize, the double-negative clone of Rob stepped forward carrying the master copy of the NES. The robed figure took it eagerly, flipped through it's pages for a moment, then set it on the pedistal.

"Who are you?" Speak shouted at the man, his voice echoing like crazy.

"Most of you would not recognise me even if I told you," the man replied, his voice echoing similiarly.

"How about we find out?" Pax challenged, his voice booming.

The robed man glanced at Pax hatefully. "Very well." Reaching up, the man pulled by his hood, revealing normal enough features twisted by hate.

"Holy crap!" Pax yelled.

"It can't be!" Jeff shouted.

"Who is it?" Rob screamed.

"I have no name," the man explained. "I was always simply referred to as 'The Jedi', or just 'You.'"

Speak's eyes opened wide. "Wait, that mean's that you're..."

"That's right! I am the true hero of the NES, I am the chosen Jedi created by my god, Nebula, a god which you so mercilessly killed. I am the poor innocent who you thought you killed with that giant Monty Python foot, and I am the man who will now resume my rightful place as main character of the NES!"

"That can't be!" Pax yelled. "I ground your into a fine sticky paste!" All the other -Ites started glaring at Pax. "What?"

"It took many years of rehabilitation to regain control of my body, I assure you," You told them. "And I was assisted by one of your other longtime foes, though you may not have realized he was your enemy..."

The other cloaked man looked up, and a pair of lights switched on from inside the darkness of the hood. Suddenly, the head of the cloak shot up into the air, and the curtain behind them parted, with massive metal limbs conveying some huge mechanical beast out onto the stage. Reaching up with one of it's steel claws, the bionic beast ripped away the robe to reveal the head of 8t88!

"Remember me, Speak?" 8t88 taunted. "I see by the look of recognition on your face that you do, but I also know that it is the first time in quite a while that you've thought of me. While You here owes me his life, I owe him my freedom from that damned oppressive attic where you and your cohorts left me to rot!"

Speak rolled his eyes. "Oops."

"So now what are you going to do?" Acinonyx asked. "Act out that final mural?"

"Even better," You replied as he pulled out a pen and turned to the NES. "I'm going to WRITE it..."

posted May 31, 2000 12:41 AM            

"Not if I have anything to say about!"

Everybody looked around for the source of the voice, but since the place echoed liked crazy, nobody could find where it came from. You stopped what he was doing while he looked for the the mysterious speaker.

*Rasp...Hiss*

"That sounds familiar," Pax said.

"I'm getting bad memories of the kid who turned evil and was later killed by his son...you know, in those movies?" Speak said.

"Vader?" Cho'Koth responded.

"YOU MIGHT SAY THAT..." *Rasp...Hiss* "BUT YOU WOULD ONLY BE HALF RIGHT!

Suddenly, an entourage of people stepped out of some well-hidden shadows.

"Are those...monks?" Speak asked.

"Yes, and they're strange," Pax replied. "In fact, they're so strange that I couldn't forget them, they're the ones who created..."

The strange monks separated, and in the middle stood their creation and master

*Rasp...Hiss* "UgVader!"

You gasped. "I remember you! Didn't I see your charred body on Bespin?"

"Yes...and then YOU STOLE MY SHOES AND SABER!"

You looked down at his shoes, and reached for the saber on his belt. UgVader's hand whipped out, and willed the saber to his hand. "And now...first, you shall pay, and then, the accursed -Ites, who always forgot me, and then killed me when I returned! Fortunately, these strange monks saved me yet again and rebuilt my Vader-like body! It shall be I who writes the final end of them for my mistreatment at their hands!"

UgVader activated his saber, and You, who still had his own, original saber on him, did the same. They ran at each other, and their sabers clashed.

The monks and anti-ites each ran at each other, too, wanting their master to be the one to kill the -Ites.

Meanwhile, the _ites were trying to figure out how to get out of their situation, knowing victory for either side would still mean death for them. Things looked hopeless.

Two of the anti-ites hung back.

"Fighting isn't very nice," Sailor Doid said.

"Fighting makes my underwear grow burly," Ko`Choth muttered.

"Huh?" Sailor Doid asked bewildered.

"Calendars go numb in sandy comlinks."

"Start making sense!" Doid said angrily.

Kaeps called out, "Pretty Soldier Sailor Doid! See how strange these monks look! They're hardly perfect are they? Come, help us take out their imperfection! Evil laugh: ha he ho!"

Sailor Doid ran into the middle of the fray, leaving Ko`Choth alone to mutter to himself.

"Hey, evil Cho`Koth!" Speak whispered over to the bewildered anti-ite, who was happy to receive some attention for a change. "Go away!"

Ko`Choth moved closer.

"We've talked it over, and even though he plans to kill us, we want to help your master You destryoy UgVader forever."

Ko`Choth was delighted, thinking that his master would be so happy to win, and would then be nice to him.

"We think we'll just stay here in chains with no weapons and fight them whenever they get close," Arby said, catching on to Speak's plan.

"No!" Ko`Choth cried, delighted that he had though of a better alternative. "I'll let you out, and get your weapons!"

He ran off to grab the weapons. "You fool!" 8t88's head cried from within the slow and overcumbersome metal body that it had been placed on. "They're just trying to trick you!"

"I like mittens!" Ko`Choth replied as he grabbed the weapons and brought them to the -Ites.

"Start making sense!" 8t88 cried, as his body lurched toward the -Ites.

Ko cut the chains, handed out the weapons, and realizing that the -Ites would even maybe use their Force powers in assistance of You, squashed them all under his boots by jumping on them.

Acinonyx knocked him out by pistol-whipping him. "I think we can all agree we don't need any of THAT interfering with us." The -Ites nodded.

"It matters not!" 8t88 cried, as his body came up before them. "I'll kill you all myself!" Massive guns popped out of his new metal body.

The -Ites dove for cover.

"OK," Speak summed up, "We've got a large, bloodthirsty mechanical beast with a head that hates me 10 feet away, an army of people the exact opposite of us with stronger weapons 50 feet away, fighting an army of strange monks that also want to kill us, because the leaders of both of them are powerful Jedi that hate us and want to take control of the NES. And we're all weak from being prisoners. Piece of cake, right?"

Several members of the -Ites (who shall remain nameless to protect their cowardice at that moment) gulped and looked like they were about to break down.

"Yeah, I thought so," Speak said, looking down at the ground in front of him.

posted May 31, 2000 01:09 AM            

The line expanded until it was a perfect one-dimensional circle. Out stepped a seven-foot tall humanoid with three-inch claws, and thick, spiked plating covering its entire body. The clacking of the creature's claws notified the -Ites that they were no longer alone behind the crates (which, you know, are always present to dive behind).

"Hm.." the creature said as it looked at a scrap of something in its hand "Now where are those... Iles? Is that what it says? I'm going to have to hurt Void ZoSo for even telling me to help his 'friends' hah."

Speak turned around and stared up at the creature "Did you just say Void ZoSo? We know him.. And uh, yea, we're his friends."

"You are huh. Well what are you called?"

"-Ites" Cho said under his breath.

"-Ites? Sorry, but this scrap of paper says '-Iles' Guess you are out of luck, " and with that the creature turned back to the portal.

"Guys, dont we need all the help we can get?" piped Pax.

With sounds of the fight getting closer, and 8t88 occupied by the now-recovered Ko'Choth, Jae yanked the scrap out of the being's hands.

"HEY! Give me, puny creature!" the creature bellowed, loudly enough to turn everyone in the room towards the -Ites.

"Well dang" Dylan muttered, in his not-quite-inappropriate way.

"You idiot! You cant even read! It says 'Help the -Ites, my friends.' Not 'Help the -Iles, my friends.' You are one stupid...er.. thing" Jae scolded.

8t88 grabbed Ko'Choth and threw him into one of the monks, then leveled his weapons at the -Ites.

"Ohh.. great. Now we're dead." groaned Pax, trying to opperate his blaster cannon.

"HEY! Where did that thing you were talking to go?" 8t88 demanded of the -Ites.

"Right here, " the creature said, ripping off 8t88's head and smashing it under its foot.

The body fell to the ground, randomly firing into the battling monks and anti-ites, wounding some on both sides before exploding. The creature appeared behind the -Ites again.

"Allow me to introduce myself. I am called Greven."

"Yea well we would tell you who we all are too, but it seems our little friends the monks, and the anti-ites, are back for more," Arby pointed out.

"No problem." Greven said as he grabbed one of the former cells and hurled it at the Anti-void creature...

posted May 31, 2000 12:17 PM            

Suddenly a high pitched raspy voice started all parties.

"Ancestral Headdress Magic!!!" Cried Sailor Doid as she hurled what looked like a bowling ball bedecked in ribbons at Greven. She had managed to duck Greven's projectile assault.

"Oh my freakin..." Jae began to laugh uncontrollably as she realized Sailor Doid had thrown the anti-Skully, aka Gillian.

"Jae, will you please have a breakdown AFTER we either win or die?" Pax glared at the female -ite. "Womenz, they have no concept of the word serious."

Jae wiped tears from her eyes. She grinned and readied herself again. "Basing all assumptions of women on one example, let alone me, isn't a good idea."

Meanwhile, Gillian had been doing her share of damage. Greven had its claws full trying to keep the necromanced head from tearing off more of its flesh. Gillian fought like a pirahna, stripping flesh until Greven could barely stand.

The Monks and the Anti-ites were free to turn their attentions back to each other. Monk and anti-ite fell one by one, each fallen Anti-ite dragged out of the way and tenderly cared for by Kay, who lived only to make hot passionate love, not war.

The numbers were thinning, but it was clear that more of the anti-ites, led by You and 8t88 were surviving. When the fifth to the last monk had fallen, the anti-ites turned their glassy war-crazed gaze to the -ites.

"Do you think they just want our bodies?" Fuurgh asked hopefully.

"They're the opposite of us. Nal and Kay are the only ones looking for action." Jae grinned, flicking her Cat 5 O' Nine Tail impatiently, "Fuurgh, let's get this battle started right!"

The furghling reared up on his hind legs and shouted "PAAAAHHHHTTTTAAAAYYYY!!!"

And with the monkey's war cry, the -ite's paired off.

The easiest battles belonged to Jae, who gave her peace loving double a jolt of reality, so to speak, followed by a blaster shot to the head. She then joined Dylan, who was hard pressed to keep his slovenly double from biting off his head off, literally. The injured anti-ites were also quickly put out of their misery one by one, and the anti-iteless -ites came to the aid of those in tougher battles...

posted May 31, 2000 01:44 PM            

Just then, the hairs on the back of Pax's next stood on end. "Egads, my Jedi sense in tingling!" That said, Pax ducked just as one of the airtight cells flew overhead. Turning to face his attacker, Pax found himself eye to eye with Paxxaps, who drooled uncontrollably. "Great," Pax muttered. "Time to do battle with the frothing lunatic."

"Lunatic?" Paxxaps replied in a dignified voice,though he was still drooling and his eyes seemed as vacant. "Actually, not only am I quite sane, I'm also a world class lawyer. Now," he added while assuming a perfect martial arts stance. "We shall fight."

With a yi-eeeeeeee! Paxxaps leapt at the cyborg, his fist and feets of kung-fu flying. Meanwhile, as his foe got some serious air-time, Pax had time to look around, spotted his plasma cannon, and used the Force to yank it into his waiting hands. Finding a very large energy weapon pointing at him from the ground, Paxxaps squeaked, "I object!"

Pax grinned as he pulled the trigger, letting loose a massive blast of high-energy matter. "Overruled," Pax commented as Paxxap's charred skeleton broke against the floor.

From where he stood beating on monks and dodging Gillian, Greven looked over and said, "Plasma weapons not really possible."

"Do I look like I care?"

posted May 31, 2000 02:05 PM            

"Oh come on...why don't you just do something, so I can kill you already??!" Cho said impatiently.

"Tuna taste like clouds" The Anti-Ite said, backing away a little more.

Cho sighed and pulled out his vibro-staff, and the green clad, moronic royal guard pulls out a small vibro-knife. Both flicked on their weapons at the same time, and began to charge, meeting eachother in the middle, and while Cho was completely concentrated ont eh fight, using everything he had learned as an ite to try and defeat Ko, the Anti-Ite appeared to be paying almost no attention at all...and was driving Cho back.

As Cho sensed a wall not far behind him, he finally gave up trying to be fair...ditched the vibro-weapon, pulled out his lightsabre, and began attacking again, now making Ko`Choth take cover.

The Blue moron dived behind a crate, and poped up a second later with a popsicle-stick in hand, in a blocking position "Ha-ha!" he cried, as the lightsabre sliced clean through him, causing the two seperate parts to fall to the floor.

meanwhile...

posted May 31, 2000 02:43 PM            

"Gah! stupid blood stains! These dont come out!"

Mart retrived his neon glow baseball bat from the floor where it had been discarded by Ko. He stood up and surveyed the battle, the majority of the monks were dead, being killed by either the anti-ites or the real -ites. Seeing there wasnt anything he could possible do to help, he strolled over to the final mural and started oo-ing and ahh-ing over it.
Suddenly, 2 monk corpses went flying past his sight and smashed into the wall beside him, Mart turned to see what had thrown them.
Standing down by his side was a dark assassin, wearing battle robes, he had large rippling muscles and a huge assortment of weapons.
"Do I know you?" Mart enquired "I'm pretty sure I dont, whats your name?"

The figure stood still glareing at him. A small star like creature popped out of Marts pocket, crawled up his shirt and whispered something in his ear.

"Nah, you gotta be kidding, if hes my clone, wheres the stupid-ness, weakness and all round pathetic-ness?"

Starfishy stared at him. So did the clone.

"Is he always this stupid?" The clone said to starfishy.

"No, usually hes stupider"

"Oh, okay, can I kill him then"

"Sure, go ahead, no skin off my nose!" As starfishy said this he hopped down off of Marts shoulder and ran towards the main entrance.

Mart made some space between him and his clone, he readyied his neon glow baseball bat for the first strike. Tram came charging at him with a cricket bat. Mart closed his eyes and crouched down onto the floor, bat raised high, Tram went flying into, got flipped over and landed hard on his back.

"Hah! See, your inferior!" Mart cheered

Tram got himself back off the ground and pulled out a large ninja sword. Mart leapt into the air and thrust his bat towards Tram, luckily enough, the bat hit him square in the chest, thrown off balance, Tram stumbled backwards, tripped over one of the containers and his sword went flying into the air. It spun a couple of times before gravity took its hold and plowed it into Trams stomach.

Cho watched as the Kos corpse slunked down onto the ground. He turned around and saw other -ite melees taking place, most dangerous of which was Marts, he stood no chance against his powerful clone. He ran as fast as he could, hopeing to rescue Mart in time.

"Mart, what happened??" Cho enquired

"Well, we started fighting and stuff and somehow his sword landed in him"

"Mart, you have no idea how incredably lucky you are.." Cho suddenly realised what another of the clones attributes were. He sighed, turned around and started shaking his head slowly.

"See, told you he was inferior to me, in strength smarts and skill!" Mart grinned happily to himself, picked up his baseball bat and went back to stareing at the murals.

posted May 31, 2000 04:11 PM            

"That the best you can do?"

Doid smiled cutely as the boomerang-thing came back and slammed into the Cactus' back.

With a sharp point sticking out of his chest, Cactus collapsed, fighting to stay conscious, struggling for a large homing projectile launcher.

Greven noticed the mercenary fall, and so did Gillian. Gillian was distracted enough so that Greven took the opportunity to put his claws through the back of the disembodied head-thing. It made a shrieking noise that caused everyone in the room to put their hands over their heads, and exploded, knocking Greven to the ground with a large *THUD.*

UgVader, being able to adjust his hearing, was unphased and took the moment to use the Force to rip a large beam from the cieling.

The beam fell right towards You, who just stood there dumbly looking up. Doid, thinking her father's master would perish, ran at lightning speed and knocked him out of the way. Unfortunately, her little mass did not go very far after slamming into You.

The beam continued its rapid descent, while Kaeps screamed "NOOOOOOOO!"

posted May 31, 2000 04:18 PM            

Curious as to why his clone wasn't fighting, Rob walked his way over to the corner.

"Watcha doin" Rob asked his cute lil clone

"Nothing, battles scare me, I dont like violence, so im listening to a CD instead" boRnitaS replied.

"Well, thats cool I guess...watcha listening too?"

"Well, I just happen to be listening to Eminem - The Real Slim Shady"

"..." Rob looked at his clone in disgust

Rob tugged on his glove, as the jewel on one of the knuckles started to glow.

"what?"

Rob looked at his clone with a level head and a cool exteror and simply said "Now you die"

"whua?" The clone said as a bolt of energy just missed his head. boRnitaS did a duck and roll towards a crate.

"Listen, please, I dont want to fight, please..."

"hrm, you dont want to fight huh?"

Rob reached into his bookbag and entered a small room, just barely the size of a jail cell. A few minutes later Rob came out of the room and motioned towards the clone.

"here, I made a room special just for you" Rob said.

"really? thats sweet."

boRnitaS entered the room and gave out a blood curtling scream that seemed to go on for minutes.

A few minutes later Rob entered the room to find his clone...laying on the floor, sucking his thumb and crying for mommy.

Rob looked around the room at all the porn that lined the walls..."Not a bad job if I say so myself"

Rob left the room too go go kick some ass and kill some anti-ites.

posted May 31, 2000 05:42 PM            

On his left wall was a door. It appeared to be sturdily locked.

On the right was nothing. Just a wall.

Ahead of him was a wall with some armor on it. High quality armor.

Behind him was a wall with various weapons including one he recognized - the IPUS.

The ceiling had a bright, but not too bright, light.

The floor was hard and good for fighting.

"Get up," came a new voice from behind him.

"Who are you?" Mah asked.

"I, I am Aadeham."

"My clone!"

"Yes, I guess. And now, I must kill you."

"...So why don't you just kill me?"

"Because I have honor. You may choose any armor and any weapon. Then we will fight. The winner shall return to the real battle."

Maheda thought to himself. Hmmm... I guess this is my clone... he's my exact opposite. Polite, honest, honorable, and has weapons.

"Alright. I'll take that for a weapon," Maheda pointed to the IPUS, "and that for armor." Maheda pointed to the light powersuit. He had worn one of these before, and it would help him move quickly, while absorbing much damage.

"Excellent choices. I hearby claim this convential pistol, and this piece of leather as my armor!"

This guy had no knowledge of weapons and armor.

"Then let's begin!" said Aadeham. With that, he fired at Maheda. Maheda laughed as his powersuit deflected the bullets. He then ran forward with his IPUS set to "THE URL," closed his eyes, and beat Aadeham to death. He then put his body in a bag, and left it there.

"That was easier than I thought!" said Maheda to himself. He noticed a keycard on the ground. Picking it up, Maheda opened the door, seeing a stronger, more deadly version of himself behind it.

"Who are you?"

"Your clone."

"But.." Maheda stammered, "Aadeham was my clone! I killed him."

"No, he was my clone. I am Adeham, your clone, and now I'm going to kill you."

posted May 31, 2000 07:05 PM            

It's been three weeks since we completed the nafarious plot, mused Ramen to himself. Now to kick back, relax, and enjoy the residuals.

But Ramen and his men would not get to rest for long. Later that afternoon, Lt. Udon approached Ramen with a message.

'Sir, I just got an urgent communiqué from Pax,' he said.

Ramen rolled his eyes. 'I thought we were done helping those bozos. Groan. What does it say?'

'Only that there's a message for us at the cantina.'

'Ok, grab 20 of our best men, and have them meet us at the ship at 2000.'

Later that evening, at 2015, the Lightfoot lifted off and set course for the rim. Destination: The Cantina.

posted May 31, 2000 08:25 PM            

"Uh, my head hurts. What the...What the hell is going on in here?"

posted May 31, 2000 09:20 PM            

"Not....today....bitch...." Cactus yelled, finding his second strength and leaping to the floor while flinging the boomerang out of his chest. Sailor Doid stood parazyled as Cactus glared menacingly.

"Not bad..." he said, inspecting his wound. Suddenly he stuck three of his fingers into it and pulled them out. He proceded to lick his dark black blood off of his fingers, "not bad at all. Don't get blood like this unless you pierce the heart....or at least one of them."

"WHAT?" Doid screamed

"You damn bitch, you don't even know, do you? Shit, you aren't true void dweller, otherwise you would know that we, we being myself and I supposed you since you're a clone, have two of every vial organ. While you just destroyed this heart," Cactus said, pointing to his wound, "this one down here," he said, pointing to the lower right of his chest, "is still pumping just fine. Now you know how durable original Void dwellers are. Let's see how clones hold up."

Suddenly Cactus reached under his jacket, pulled out a large coil of barbed wire, and threw it onto the floor infront of him. Doid turned to run, but quickly found Cactus' hand around her throat.

"Time to take a ride, girly," he said under his breath. Suddenly he lifted her off the ground by he throat and slammed her down onto the coil of barbed wire.

"AHHHHH!" She screamed at the top of her lungs.

"That...wasn't...very...nice!" she yelled, jumping up surprisingly fast. She reached behind herself and grabbed the coil of wire, and then slammed it into Cactus' face. The barbs tore into his flesh as he stumbled backwards.

"You," Cactus said, licking his lips of the blood that was trickling down his face, "are going to regret that."

posted May 31, 2000 10:15 PM            

Greven crawled to its feet and looked down to see Doid standing in front of him with a smirk. She held her hands together and a staff formed, composing of two three-foot-long blades attached to a foot-long handle in the middle. Greven jumped back as Doid swung at him, decapitating one of the monks who had just risen up.

"Puny being, you believe you can defeat me?" Greven smirked as he raised a long-handled, barbed mace to block her next attack.

The two dueled for several minutes, until Greven's and Doid's weapons were locked together. Doid flashed a smile, pushing a button on her handle. The blades became electrified, and the solid-metal mace was an excellent conductor. Greven was thrown several meters back from a massive jolt that would have killed any human, his mace skittering away towards UgVader and You.

"Now, evil one, I'll send you back to where you came." Doid pronounced as the sentance.

She brought the sword/staff down towards Greven's head. Suddenly, a small black area appeared in front of Greven's face. The sword/staff sank into it, without meeting any resistance. Greven then closed the portal, cutting off an entire blade, and part of the handle. It then kicked Doid brutally in the stomach, sending her flying over the fallen beam.

Smirking, Greven walked towards the beam, but UgVader had different plans. He flung the mace towards Greven, using the Force to guide it, and again sent Greven into the realm of unconciousness.

You hurtled over the fallen beam, and nearly decapitated UgVader with an spinning move. UgVader barely raised his saber in time, but tripped You, who fell hard on one of the monk's weapons-- a caltrop-like knife with a long handle, and four-inch spikes. Clutching at his wound, You attempted to fight UgVader again, but UgVader simply put his lightsaber point into the hilt of You's saber-- effectively destroying it.

"Now, you foolish creature, you will die. And with your death, I will now kill the -Ites."

With that, UgVader brought his saber over his head and swung it down...

posted June 01, 2000 08:51 PM            

"No can do, buddy," Skinner replied, grinning. "This is the guy that signs my paychecks."

"Good job, Skinner, I knew there was a reason I let you live," You said as he stood weakly. "Now end this wretch's life so that we can get back to our real goal - the reclaiming of the NES." With a grand sweep of his arm, You motioned toward where the NES sat on the pedistal.

As he did this, however, he noticed Jae, Rob, Cho'Koth and Pax running up the stairs to the dais and the NES. "Ack!" he said, choking on his next boast. "Forget this freak, get them!!"

Skinner shrugged, hurled UgVader over the beam, and started running for the -Ites. Picking up UgVader's lightsaber, You used the Dark Side to congeal his wound, then joined in Skinner's charge.

Meanwhile, up on the dais, Pax reached the NES first, and lifted it up triumphantly. "I got it!"

Immediately thereafter, Rob tackled him, kneed him in the stomach, and snatched the NES away, shouting. "No, I got it, I got it!"

Jae smacked Rob on the back of the head. "He's on your side, dumbass."

"Oh yeah," Rob replied, handing the NES back to a winded Pax.

"Now that we have it, though, what are we going to do with it?" Cho asked.

Jae arched an eyebrow at him. "You think we've thought that far ahead? Crazy logic-type person."

"I can make a suggestion," Skinner put in as he arrived behind them and started cracking his knuckles.

"I got him!" Cho shouted as he turned, striking out at the big man with his vibrostaff. Skinner sidestepped the swipe, however, then backhanded Cho hard enough to crack his helmet. His visor cracked, the ex-Imperial Guard staggered back, unable to see.

Whipping her Cat5 o' Nine Tails around, Jae lashed out at Skinner, but the giant guarded with his arm, wrapping the wires around his gauntleted forearm, then yanked Jae off her feet and started swinging her around in the air by her own whip.

Jumping forward, Rob tried to punch Skinner in the gut with the Power Glove, but he tripped over his own feet and fell back down the dais stairs.

Finally regaining his breath, Pax snatched up his plasma cannon and fired off a shot at Skinner. As he released his grip on Jae's Cat5o9tails, however, he brought his armored gauntlet up to block, sending the blast ricocheting off toward the ceiling.

Striking in the already damaged section of the roof, the blast blew apart even more of the ceiling's support, and several more huge beams began raining down on the combatants...

posted June 02, 2000 12:12 AM            

Dylan crawled out from under a couple of beams that leaned up against the wall. He was lucky to be alive; a few feet more, and the beams would have crushed him. Shook up from the falling beams and unable to see through the dust they had stirred up, Dylan drew his trusty blaster pistol and surveyed what was left. Sabers, blasters, and other sounds of battle echoed around him. Looking this way and that, he attempted to reorient himself with the surroundingswhile keeping moving.

"Going somewhere, punk?" a gruff voice behind him said.

Dylan turned to face himself. Or it would have been himself, if he smoked cigars, carried a large shotgun, and, oh yeah, cursed like a sailor.

His arm shaking, Dylan leveled his blaster at his evil clone and squeezed the trigger. A bolt nicked his clone, who kept walking towards him. He fired again while moving back slowly, but missed again. The clone moved into point-blank range. He had him now. He went to squeeze the trigger, but was interrputed as his clone punched him in the face.

Dylan stumbled back, still managing to hold onto his blaster. He readied himself and gave the approaching clone a swift kick in the gut. W`Nalyd doubled over, dropping his gun. Dylan attempted to land another kick on the clone, but the clone dodged and tripped him up. The clone stood up and began kicking Dylan, who had landed flat on his back. Dylan strugged for a second and then rolled over out of the way of the clone. The clone, not being too quick, took a second to figure out where his victim had gone, but it was too late. After rolling over and grabbing his blaster, Dylan fired of a volley of blasts. The clone dropped to the floor.

Not seeing anyone else around, Dylan attempted to climb over a beam to his right where he heard Jae, Pax, and Rob struggling with Skinner for control of the Book of the NeS.

posted June 02, 2000 01:02 AM            

He was met by an annoyingly large barrel of a weapon.

"Wait. You're just Greven. Hrmph, you're lucky I'm on your side" and with that Cactus withdrew the weapon.

"Where did that bluish-black-haired flying creature come from?" Greven inquired.

Cactus gestured towards the dias, where Pax and Rob had their hands full with Skinner. Cactus was still loosing blood, so Greven took the opportunity to grab the wound.

"HEY! What the fuck are you.." Cactus managed.

Greven concentrated, and fused the wound shut, then did the same for the other side.

"Hrmph. Did you see that Doid thing?" Cactus asked.

"You're welcome. Last I saw I kicked the creature over this beam. Probably on that side now." Greven motioned to another beam.

Cactus headed that direction, while Greven sprinted to the dias.

Greven jumped the steps, and swung his mace into the back of Skinner's skull. The effect was.. not as Greven had hoped. Skinner shoved Rob off the five-meter staircase, and viciously backhanded Pax with a gauntlet.

"Yea, and you gonna stop me, little man?" Skinner sneered.

"There's more than one way to defeat anything." Greven smirked.

Skinner charged Greven, knocking the mace out of its hands. Greven slashed Skinner a few times with his claws, but Skinner kicked him down the stairs.

Greven landed hard, and Skinner made it harder. He jumped off and landed directly on Greven's chest, smashing part of his armor.

"Aw the little outsider is hurt. Let me end your misery." Skinner grinned as he withdrew a small sphere from his breastpocket.

"This, is a thermonuclear grenade. It is a Class-A Thermal Detonator. See, where I come from, we use these to get rid of unwanted rocks, or people. Now.." Skinner explained, as he shoved the detonator under Greven's armor "..I'll be demolishing you."

With that, Skinner brought his massive elbow down on Greven's face, knocking him out cold.

Rob, recovered sort of from his fall, but not his drunkeness, sauntered over to Skinner and kicked him in the back. Where he kicked him, luckily for Rob, was where Skinner had had a cybernetic implant. The implant was a powersupply for the alloy which functioned as Skinner's artificial bones. Shutting it off caused skinner to loose any muscle control what so ever. He fell across Greven, barely able to breathe under his own power and weight.

"Um..." was all that Rob managed to stammer before passing out...

posted June 02, 2000 02:59 AM            

Jae watched Skinner's last breath and smiled, then turned to pull Rob out of the action. She revived him with the vapor vial she kept on her belt. When he was fully concious again she smacked him upside the back of the head. "Never leave an enemy like Skinner Alive!"

Robe looked at her dazedly, "I passed out before I could finish him." Then he did again. Jae carried him to a safe nook near the former NES resting spot.

With the c5o9t in her right hand, and several WORMS aremed with Holy Hand Grenades in the left, she took stock of the scene before her.

You was standing on the platform below glaring at Pax, who was glaring right back. They seemed ready to remain in a stand-off forever. They were locked in a mental battle, undoubtably over control of Pax's mind, as he was clutching the NES with a vice-like grip.

Cho`Koth still was wandering around blind, bumping into walls, muttering "excuse me." and wadering on. No help there.

Jae looked down from the dias to see Dylan creeping along the walls out of You's sight. She grinned and teleported one of the WORMS to him with it's Holy Hand Grenade, and the vocal message of instructions. She saw Dylan hold the tiny, but potent creature to his ear, then look up at her in confirmation.

Now, how was she going to get one of the little fellas to Pax?

She knew that the cyborg knew she was there, as Jae was rarely able to go about undectected by him, but how would she get it there without You knowing? She reached down for her force, knowing it was buried somewhere. it was weak, but it might do the trick. She pulled a vial of glamour dust from a belt poket, and covered the next WORM with it, rendering it nearly invisible.

Using the weak force to lift the tiny package down to Pax's shoulder, she hoped that Pax would not start from his concentration at the WORM's voice. Luck was on her side. Pax still had enough energy left to fend of You and get the WORM into one of his palms.

You was not weakening either, however, he made the mistake of pushing his cowel from his neck, freeing several pockets of fabric for deliveries.

Jae readied herself for the distraction she knew would be forthcoming. She had heard Sailor Doid's shrieks, and as predicted, she scrambled over the beam in her skimpies, shrieking and crying in indignation and seeking clothing to cover her sinfully bare form. With a chuckle Jae vaulted down to You's right backside, as Dylan ran the stairs 3 at a time to reach his back left. Doid leaped at You, tore off his cloak and ran, still shrieking madly, while pulling it about her skantily clad form.

You was startled out of his mind manipulating trance, which gave the three enough time to release the WORMS into his garb. They then made for the beam, smiling grimmly. They reached the other side in time to hear the explosions, and see the blinding flashes of light over their heads.

When it cleared, they were grinning fully, thinking they had fought the toughest battle for the day, but they quickly sobered when they saw what was standing before them. Jae had heard about summoning, but that couldn't have prepared her for this...

posted June 02, 2000 03:14 AM            

As the air around him shimmered from the heat he was giving off, You turned to face our heros, hatred glowing in his horrid face. "I hope you have enjoyed your time in the sun, -Ites, for it is about to end!"

But with a sudden wheeze, UgVader came flying over the beams, landing with a heavy thump before the empowered You. "You will finish your business with me, first!" he demanded.

"Very well," You replied, raising one claw like hand at the bionic Sith Ugnaught. A circle of fire began swirling around UgVader, turning faster and faster and whipping his cape up dramatically.

"It will not be so simple!" UgVader cursed, as he used the Force to fling a collection of dropped pointy weapons at You. So confident in his powers was he, that You was caught off guard, and the swords, knives, sharp sticks, etc, rammed into his exposed side.

With a cry of pain and rage, You thrust the items poking him away, the holes they left spewing raw energy like geysers. His anger coallesing, You tightened his circle of fire around UgVader, bellowing, "I will not be defeated by the likes of you, I am supreme! Your insignificant rodent, I now have the power of a god!" UgVader writhed, the heat boiling what was left of his body, his skull stripping away as fire shot from his eye sockets, the flames rising like a column up towards the ceiling.

"Uh, that's bad," Pax commented.

"And to kill you..." their enemy told them, his face contorted with rage.

"If you insist," Arby quipped, jumping out of nowhere as he shot a crossbow bolt at their foe. Turning to the -Ites, he added, "It's been entirely too long since I appeared in this story."

The bolt struck You directly in the heart, but he didn't seem too concerned. Reaching his hands out dramatically, he began summoning a huge ball of fire above his head, and as it grew, each -Ite, each remaining Anti-Ite, and each remaining Monk stopped their fighting to watch what could only mean all of their dooms. None of them believed that You would bother sparing their lives from the destruction he was about to unlease.

"It's been nice knowing you guys," Pax said, the NES still gripped in his hands. "I hope the Force has some luxury rooms laid out for us. Well, for SOME of us..."

"Wait..." Gonk said thoughtfully. "Death... eternal happiness... *** !"

"Now the NES shall be mine!" You shouted from the climax of his power. Thrusting his arms forward, he released the tremendous sphere of destruction, the light of it almost blinding each ite. Reflexively, Pax held the NES out before him for protect...

The fireball burst, exploding with the force of an atom bomb. Fire and light tore the castle apart, blasting it into component molecules, and scouring the landscape of the planet for miles in every direction. Everything was annihilated, everything was burning, everything except for the places where the -Ites stood. Pax dared open one eye to see why he was still alive.

The NES was glowing.

Pax released it, but it continued floating there of it's own accord. Slowly, it turned, opening to the last written page, as if offering it to be read. But then, the lines of text began to recede, and the page flipped back one. There too, the text receded, and the pages began to flip one by one toward the beginning, erased of their content.

"Holy crap, what's going on?" Pax cried.

"Look!" Cho said, pointing at You.

Before their eyes, You transformed back into a mere man, the time around him seeming to flow backwards. As they watched, he grew younger, and then his body began to crumble. He seemed to disintegrate a limb at a time, until finally he was nothing more than a fine, sticky paste. But then, he popped back into form, seemingly normal enough. Contuing to de-age as the NES erased it's own pages, You went backwards through puberty, shrunk to the size of a toddler, and finally disappeared as his cells rejoined, one by one. There was a tiny flash of light, and then You was no more.

"Uh, woah," Mart managed. "Someone wanna explain that?"

"It seemed to... erase You from reality by erasing him from itself?" Speak ventured.

"It's completely empty," Pax said as he flipped through the pages. "Everything is gone. Why?"

"We found out with Rob's Power Glove that the NES doesn't like things that could concievably end it," Dylan speculated.

Everyone paused and looked at the now-empty tome. "What do we do now?" Jae asked.

Pax thought for a moment, then pulled out a pen. "I guess there's nothing left but to fill it again."

posted June 02, 2000 03:41 AM            

'Argh!' Ramen shouted. 'I interrupted my well deserved vacation for nothing!'

'Not for nothing,' replied Pax. 'We were just about to start our new adventure.'

'Oh great,' came the sarcastic reply. 'So how did you get out of this last one?'

Pax then proceded to tell the story. When it was done, everyone had a big laugh, then resumed their drinking.

The -ites kicked back for a week, talking and drinking. Jeff`W returned from some hell called 'Asheron's Call,' and told the -ites all about it.

Rieekan dropped in occasionally, but only for a few minutes. Then he went back into the bowels of the Cantina, tinkering away.

Some newcomers arrived too. There was Mehab, a friend of Rob's, and Omnesolis.

At the end of the week, the Cantina's Holonet set picked up a broadcast.

'This should be intresting,' commented Speak.

Jeff turned the set up. 'Now Announcing the Grand Opening of the Cantina Cloud!

'We got lots of cool stuff for you here at the Cantina Cloud. We have exotic drinks, even a story the takes forever so please come to my cantina ok?'

The -ites all looked at each other as the face on the transmission dissolved into a set of galactic co-ordinates, a set of planetary co-ordinates, an address, and a picture of a planet.

'Hey, I know that planet!' shouted Cho`Koth.

'Yeah, and we're sitting right on it,' remarked Pax.

'Ok people, here's the plan,' said Speak. 'We're gonna march over there and rip this guy a new one. Any objections?'

'What about the "Story that Goes on Forever?"' queried fourwood. 'What about it's power?'

'From now on we shall call it "SGoFe,"' replied Pax. 'And as to its power, we'll cross that bridge when we get there. I'm sure our NeS will crush the SGoFe mercilessly.'

'Ok, let's roll,' said Ramen.

As the -ites took the bus to the other side of Drazen, or Bespin, or wherever the hell the cantina was located, the sinister force behind the copyright infringement was preparing. And little did the -ites know who was really backing him.

posted June 03, 2000 12:19 PM         

All of the sudden, there was a knock on the door of p3's large office. He awoke from his daydream abruptly, and quite irritatibly said, "Come in." It was the infamous Mart, p3's counterpart in most of his operations, but not in this particular one. p3 was somewhat surprised, for he had earlier relied on his Jedi senses to inform him who was waiting on the other side of the door. But now, he was getting older, and had not practiced Jedi skills in a long, long time.

Mart seated himself in the left chair on the other side of p3's desk. "We have some business to attend to." he said.

"Business?", replied p3, "I don't seem to remember including you in my current operation."

Mart stated, "Yes, that's exactly why I'm here."

"Is that so?" queried p3.

"Yes, it is so." stated Mart once again.

p3 questioned, "So, what you are trying to tell me, is that you are here to talk about what you shouldn't talk about, because you're not involved in, because I chose not to involve you in it?"

"Uhm.. shut up!", Mart said, obviously irritated with p3's blatant ignorance. p3 was, of course, testing Mart's patience. Unfortunately, Mart had failed this test, so p3 corrected him with a swift kick in the testicles. Mart lain on the floor, squealing like a little schoolgirl, lashing out at p3 in pain. p3 laughed. Mart got up and left the room.

"It's not over yet, you bloody Ninny-head! I'll have my revenge yet!"

p3 shrugged. "Whatever you say!", he shouted after him as he fled the building.

p3 opened his blinds and gazed across the street at the "Cantina Cloud". He let out an insane cackle that frightened even himself. If they only knew, if they only knew, he thought. "Muhahahaha!"