posted 11-08-98 11:26 PM EDT (US)        

As the Drazenites did battle with horrifying FaelenJawoks, Rifter's ship was drawn into the Interdictor's landing bay, where a platoon of greenly armored (with purple body gloves!) stormtroopers stood ready by.

At the end of the bay, the turbolift doors slid open, and a guy with black jeans, a black shirt, a black jacket, a black cape, and a big black mask with a silver face plate stepped forward. He waved the bizarro stormtroopers toward the ship, ordering in an electonically filtered voice, "Tear those FaelanJawoks apart, but bring me the passengers, I want them alive!"

The green-suited troopers filed up through the front door of the building-like ship, and much violence could be heard inside. It took a while, but finally the stormtroopers re-emerged, covered with FJawok blood and each carrying a Drazenite.

"What gives, we can't use the Force?" RBF yelled.

"Simple, actually," the guy in all black explained. "The armor contains a derivitive of ysalamiri blood, not to mention being weaved with cortosis ore. But don't worry, you know you never use your Force powers anyway, not to mention your lightsabers."

After a seeminly unending parade, the last of the Drazenites and stormtroopers emerged from the ship, and finally Rifter walked down the ramp under his own power. "Thanks for the assist, boss. Things were getting a little hairy."

"It should not have happened Rifter. Don't make me so promeniently intervene again. Oh, and here, have a new ship. Squeaky clean, all new parts so it won't break down, and guaranteed free of ... that F person-JaWoks." Then, with a wave of his hand, the guy in black motioned to his troopers, who simultaneously dropped the Drazenites and filed out of the landing bay.

posted 11-08-98 11:40 PM EDT (US)         

Just then, Wazzit and Sinclair come running down the hall. "Guys! Cantina people, drazen, well, whatever you guys are called, while Wazzit and I were on the bridge we found that an escape pod was activated, carrying a FaelenJawok!"

Everyone looked at each other. "Awh shit" said Rifter.

posted 11-08-98 11:41 PM EDT (US)            

c)If you want RBF to realize that going to Synooch II isn't such a great idea and have our heroes try to take over the ship to go on some completely different wacky adventure, turn to page 1138.

posted 11-09-98 09:35 AM EDT (US)            

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up," Speak interrupted. "You mean they get WORSE?"

"Is that possible?" Taraea said in astonishment.

"It is so," Rifter nodded.

"Ah, who cares," Wazzit shouted drunkenly. "Let's party!"

"Yeah!" Sinclair yelled as he tossed a bottle of ale against the wall.

"Are you crazy?" Rifter screamed at them.

"He must be," Wazzit screamed back as he pointed at Sinc. "He just wasted a perfectly good bottle!"

Shaking his head, Rifter got into his nifty new ship and took off on his own.

posted 11-09-98 01:59 PM EDT (US)            

"Don't you also jut love hwo charecters are introduced and theyn forgotten about a few posts later." RBF brought up, motioning towards the guy all in back with his head.

At that moment the dark figure cleared his throat. "Ahem! Well, seeing as I know longer have any use for you, may the count down begin."

"Um... Count down? What count down?" Jeff asked with a hint of panic present in his voice.

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" The figure cackled as it faded into nothing.

"Hmmm... Wonder why he was a hologram. That guy may never have even been on this ship, I wonder..." Before Void could finish his thoght the main lights shut off and were replaced with an eerie red glow. A mechanical voice came over the loud speaker.

"SELF DESTRUCT INITIATED. ALL EXTERIOR HATCHES IN DOCKIN BAYS 1 THROUGH 30: HYDROLICS SHUT DOWN. ESCAPED POD LOADING AREA 1 THROUGH 5 GATES SEALED. BEGIN SHUT DOWN OF PRIMARY LIFE SUPPORT SYSTEM INITIATED."

posted 11-09-98 04:30 PM EDT (US)            

Everyone rushes out of the hangar and heads toward the interdictor's bridge.

"Wait!", yells RBF, "Idea!"

RBF rushes over to one of the service hatches in the seemingly endless hallways. He opens it with little difficulty to reveal glowing energy conduits and other electrical doo-hickeys. "Oooohh Pretty...", says Wazzit, fighting with Sinc over a six-pack of beer.

"Ok, so who is the resident capital ship power specialist here?", asks RBF.

Everyone looks at Gonk. "Wha? What?!?!? Hey! I'm only a power droid! I'm not programmed to fix power grids!", yells Gonk.

"I think I may be able to do something with it.", says 4-GOM, walking up from the back of the group, "But, I'll need some help. Gonk and Entropy would be fine."

"Ok, you 3 get to it, the rest of us are gonna' go search for some way outta' here. Now hurry!", commands Neb.

"Impending doom has always motivated me.", says Entropy, sarcastically.

"Yeah, well then you must be motivated a lot, I mean, being with this group and all. We're always facing impending doom.", says 4-GOM, working on the power conduits.

"Well this is getting redundant. How many big, exploding things have we been on so far? Like eight?", says the forgotten IG88h, following Neb.

"More like nine.", chimes in Sinc.

"No, no TEN!", says Speak.

"200 times infinity! Woohoo! I win!", yells a drunken Wazzit.

"Will you guys shut up?!?!? We need a way out of here!", yells RBF.

T MINUS 5 MINUTES UNTIL PRIMARY LIFE SUPPORT SHUTDOWN. SECONDARY LIFE SUPPORT SHUTDOWN IN 10 MINUTES. HAVE A NICE DAY!

"Great, a computer with a sense of humor.", mutters Void.

"Hmmm... There HAS to be some form of transportation off this thing!", yells Justin0, from the back.

"Woof! Woof!", barks Pug-Dog.

"What is it boy? Do you smell something?", asks Speak.

"WOOF! WOOF! BOWOOOOOOOO! WOOF! ARF!", Pug-Dog starts clawing at a panel on the wall.

"What the hell is that crazy dog doing? I vote that if we get home, we fix him ASAP.", says RBF.

Pug-Dog looks at RBF, then cowers down. "Wait a sec guys, it looks like he's found something here...", says Speak.

Speak pulls at the panel. "Hey! It's loose!", he yells.

"I wonder what's down there....", Void says...

posted 11-09-98 04:32 PM EDT (US)            

"Don't just stand there," Jon said, jumping up and down frantically. "Do something!"

"Uh, ok," RBF nodded, pointing the remote at the wall and hitting the OFF button. Just then, all the lights went out. "I'm sensing that was the wrong button to push." Finding the ON button, RBF pushed it, and the lights came back up.

ATTENTION, YOU NOW HAVE 3 MINUTES...

"Shut up," RBF mumbled, hitting the mute button.

"Idea!" Speak shouted, snatching the remote away and running down the hall back toward the landing bay. Passing Entropy, Gonk, and 4-GOM he shouted, "Come on guys, we're leavin'!"

RBF and the others reached the landy bay in time to see Speak point the remote at the closed bay door and hit the CHANNEL ^ button. With a loud grinding noise, the door opened.

"Now all we need is a ship," Entropy commented.

"Well," RBF said, pointing to the building-ship. "There's always that thing."

"Oh, not that again," Entropy whined. "It's all smelly and covered FaelanJawok blood!"

"Better than getting vaporized," Void said as he flew back aboard. The others mumbled agreement and stampeded back aboard.

Running to the cockpit, Acinonyx, Jeff, and RBF studied the controls. "Think you can fly this thing?" Jeff asked.

"I can fly anything," Acinonyx laughed. His hands flying over the controls, AC lifted the shiphouse off the deck and spun around toward the bay, then threw the throttle forward and zipped out the belly of the Interdictor. The larger ship rapidly receeded behind them until it let loose in a brilliant explosion that rocked the ship the threw everyone around like popcorn in a popcorn maker.

Standing, RBF pondered the recent events. "Let's see, vicious creature gets loose on ship, mother ship explodes, heroes escape on smaller ship. We're still following the movie cliche guys, and you know what that means..."

"No...," Jeff said in fright. "You can't mean...?"

"Yes, somehow, one of those things is left on the ship, and it will probably jump out at us while we're stripping down to our underwear!"

"That's ok," Acinonyx said calmly, "I don't plan to do any stripping in front of you guys any time soon."

Just then, the cockpit door banged open, and Wazzit stepped in, piss drunk and wearing only his underwear! "Hi guys!" he slurred. "What happens now?"

posted 11-09-98 05:01 PM EDT (US)            

A collective sigh was heard thoughout the group.

"Hey guys, "said Justin0, "I'm going to try to write myself into the story again.

"Dont bother, " said Jon C, "its nearly impossible to get anyone but your self to write you into the story... I would know, nobody ever writes me in."

"Oh well... I'm off to take a shower... call me when we get back to Drazen, I'm gonna have a talk with my agent." said Justin0

About 3 hours past...

The ship was about to emerge from hyperspace next to Drazen when a cry was heard from below decks!

posted 11-09-98 05:07 PM EDT (US)            

Entropy, Nij, and Acinonyx broke down crying, partly from the realization that very soon death would come for them, and partly from the awful vision of Wazzit, who was doing a jig on the coffee table.

After what seemed like an eternity, a voice that hasn't spoken much in this story spoke up. Matt gave his two cents: "You know, I haven't done much in this story. I suppose I could cop out now with a minimal effect on the storyline - any other bit players with me?" He got no replys, because all the other bit players had gotten behind on the saga too, and hadn't heard the question. So with that, he walked out of the cockpit.

"Well, there goes one fighting person, how many do we have left now?" solemnly asked Entropy.

*creak* *click* *click*

The intrepid Drazenites began looking nervously around the cockpit.

*click* *creak* *the distinct sound of a voice with a lisp*

And with an entrance as sudden as his departure had been, Matt flew back into the cockpit, with a wild fear in his eyes, and a rifle on his shoulder, aimed back into the hallway.

"I guess the powers that be don't like people leaving our story, Matt." RBF commented smugly.

The Drazenites all loaded their weapons and pointed them at the door, waiting for the inevitable ambush of the terrible creature(s?).

posted 11-09-98 05:33 PM EDT (US)            

"Ow! What was that for?"

"For posting first."

"Jeez, you don't have to be bitter about it."

Their attention was shifted from the door to the belowdecks, where a scream had been heard.

"What was that all about?" asked a Drazenite.

Matt calmly replied "We're just trying to patch as much as we can together from those last posts. I'll bet that scream was Justin0."

A concerned Tarea spoke out, "Maybe we should send someone to check to see if Justin0 is okay..."

posted 11-09-98 06:21 PM EDT (US)            

From the blood soaked doorway Myshadowstar appeared looking rather shaken.

"Please don't shoot me I just found my way on board while you were all debating who could drive this thing. I'd tell you the story but we don't have enough time."

Tarea looked over to the others. "Well we still have to do something about JustinO."

Everyone sort of looked the other way and shifted uncomfortably while Wazzit continued to do the Marcarina and Sinc tried to get the last drop of beer from the six-pack.

Finally RBF decides to lead the Unfortunate heroes into the dark depths of the House ship in search of JustinO.

posted 11-09-98 09:42 PM EDT (US)            

RBF pauses, and the group halts behind him. He looks through the peephole on the door, only to see darkness.
He opens it, and finds a... dungeon???
"When did we have a dungeon put in here?" asks the puzzled leader.
"That isn't a dungeon, it's my work out room. See, there's the bench, and my weights are in the corner." answers Entropy. "The dungeon is in the next room, behind that door to your left."
Sure enough, there was a door to RBF's left, most likely leading to the real dungeon.

Opening the "dungeon" door, RBF finds Justin0, duct-taped to a torture rack, being stretched out beyond seven feet!
"Who is responsible for this??" asks Entropy.
Emerging from a dark shadow, ten dark figures, clad in black robes appear.
The first two remove their hoods. They are Crow and Tom Servo! The others follow, revealing themselves to be... oh gads no! A squad of MIMES!!!

Two of the Drazenites faint from the horror.
Pug Dog says, "Dangit, dogs can't talk!" and pushes a small, gold clad box toward RBF, facing the mimes.
RBF opens the container to find... THE HOLY HAND GRENADE!!!

posted 11-09-98 09:50 PM EDT (US)            

"Hmmm....Spork, no...DHS, no....Napkin holder...no...Fry Daddy...no...ah, here we go. It says that the person must count to five-"

"Three, actually! It's a misprint," Entropy said.

"Ok, three. Then they must lob the grenade, and it will blow thine enemies into tiny little pieces," AC read.

"Uh...ok," RBF held the grenade. "To five, right?" he asked.

"Three!" said Entropy.

"One, two, five-three!" RBF threw the grenade at the mimes. It exploded, and when the smoke cleared the mimes indeed had been blown into little tiny pieces.

posted 11-09-98 10:24 PM EDT (US)            

It hadn't been this quiet since Jan left
that cold evening long ago.

Perhaps she'd be walking through that door.

Many times when he'd be trippin' he thought
she was coming back.. to berate him
for not cleaning his pad and forgetting to
rewind her Richard Simmons videos.

Ah, those were the days... eating wampa
steaks and going on missions for the the Rebellion.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door....

posted 11-10-98 03:56 PM EDT (US)            

In the dark room were the silouhettes of various figures. 4-GOM flipped the light switch.

Not only were the MST3K freaks sitting in the room, Jawa on the Corner and Head of 8t88 were also there!(If they've in the story before, I apologize).

4-GOM raising his Neural Inhibitor(fries brains and circuits), shot both JawaOTC and head of 8t88.

Head of 8t88 exploded immeadiately, but JawaOTC started writhing in agony. 4-GOM crushed him with his heel.

"Why'd you do that?" asked RBF in disbelief.

"I hate disloyal Jawas." said 4-GOM

posted 11-10-98 04:23 PM EDT (US)            

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I am GREENSCARE!!!" the intangible evil spat at the Drazenites.

"NO NO NO NO NO!!!!" screamed Speak, his patience suddenly snapping. "There is only ONE type of scare, and that's RED!!!!" He added with a sharp glance at Weed, "This is all your fault."

With a glint in his eye that is reserved for people whose anger drives them to insanity, Speak slowly and dramatically raised his spork. The Drazenites silently stepped back. They all knew that Speak, and Speak alone, could fight off this faceless demon.

With a voice so loud that Wazzit could hear it from the cockpit, Speak's voice boomed, "I SUMMON THE TRUE SCARE TO AID ME!!!"

posted 11-10-98 06:02 PM EDT (US)            

Everyone readies there weapons.

One Ewok walks over to RBF. "E Wubba Chubba!", he yells, hitting the fearless warrior (yes, I'm talking about RBF) on the knee with his staff.

"Ouch! Why you poor excuse for a floor mat! Now you're gonna' pay!", screams RBF, driving the mighty DHS through the Ewok's head.

"Ok, let's get 'em!", yells Neb.

"Woohoo!", yells Gonk, pulling out the Fry Daddy (aka the FD for short).

"DIE!", yells Void, swinging his sledgehammer throughout the crowd of Ewoks, Jawas, and FaelanJawoks.

While Void is having his fun, JeffW picks up a jawa and proceeds to pummel it's face in with the napkin holder. Speak guts a few Ewoks with the mighty Spork. JCBoath and Cho'Koth both pull out blasters and put several holes in a group of jawas. Neb slices through the 3 foot high furry mob with his saber. Jon C picks up a jawa. "I've always wanted to see what was under this hood...", he says pulling back the jawas hood.

"Jon! NOOOOOOO! Don't!", yelled Entropy.

"AHHHHHHHH!!!!!", Jon screams, dropping the jawa.

Everyone looks at the jawa. To the surprise of the Drazenites, it seems these jawas have the head of Kurgan! "Man, Kurgan must really have been struggling for a date.", mutters Justin0, while bashing an Ewok over the head with a rusty pipe.

"Eww... That's a picture I did NOT need.", says Wazzit, stealing an Ewok's bottle of vodka.

The Ewok pantses Wazzit. Everyone, Drazenites, Ewoks, Kurgan-headed jawas, and the FaelanJawoks, turn away in horror. They all puke.

Wazzit pulls his underwear back up, after dancing a little. He scares 13 Ewoks to death.

"Well, there was the obligatory disgusting part of the post.", says Acinonyx.

"Hey Taraea! Did you like what you saw?", asks Wazzit.

Taraea smacks Wazzit upside the head, knocking him out. While he's down. Sinc steals the bottle of vodka.

"Wait a sec.. Weren't we doing something BEFORE Wazzit's little table dance?", says Nijaan.

"CUT! Wazzit, honey, baby, sweetheart! We can't have any nudity in this film, I'm sorry but we're gonna' have to edit that out.", says the director, putting his arm around Wazzit.

"What?!?!?!? That's the best part of this whole damn useless string!", yells the furious Wazzit.

"DAMMIT! DIE!!!", he yells, picking up one of Sinc's porn mags and throwing it onto the director's head. The mag opens up to the centerfold. Everyone's attention is diverted for a moment. Then a throng of FaelanJawoks jump onto the director, mauling him.

"Well that was somewhat expected. ACTION!", yells RBF.

"Ok, ok. Now, where in the hell in this seemingly unitelligible plot were we?", asks MyShadowStar.

"Ummm... Something to do with vampires?", says Jeff.

"Oh no. Do you realize what you've just done?", says IG88h.

"No what? What now?", questions a perplexed Jeff.

"Well, since the director is now in pieces over there, you, Neb, RBF, Void, and Entropy have kinda' taken his spot."

"You mean...?"

"Oh no, not again!", yells Taraea.

Just then a throng of the infamous Vampires drop down from the ceiling. "Awww.. Geez! We've gotta' stop with these damn things!", whines Entropy.

"Ok, back to the brawl.", orders RBF.

The brawl starts immediately. Gonk climbs on a vampire's shoulders and repeatedly whacks it in the head with the FD. Jeff runs through the mob, swinging the napkin holder at random.
Neb draws his lightsaber, and Void pulls out the sledgehammer. RBF grabs the DHS and staples some jawas to a wall. Speak walks calmly through the brawl, gutting anything that isn't a Drazenite with the mighty Spork...

posted 11-10-98 06:21 PM EDT (US)            

quote:

---

"Wait! What about those MST3K freaks?!!" Jonathan queried.
"Oh, yeah, I knew I forgot something..." RBF said, wandering in the direction of a previously hidden, gut-splattered door.

---

posted 11-10-98 09:05 PM EDT (US)            

"Um, people, we already found them. Remember, right before the big rumble?" said RBF.

"Yeah, he's right. We went in the door and I found JawaOTC and Head of 8t88 and killed them." said 4-GOM

"But did the MST3K freaks come back out?" asked ChoKoth.

"Um, no." said RBF.

"See!" said ChoKoth.

"I don't suppose there is a point to all this?" asked Neb.

"Don't you remember what story yer in?" said ChoKoth "But, we should find the freaks anyway."

The attention again turned to the gut-splattered door.

posted 11-10-98 10:16 PM EDT (US)            

"Well then where the *BLEEP* *BLEEP* *BLEEP* did my can go! YOU STOLE IT DAMMIT!", Sinc yells.

"It was mine! You drank all yours!", snaps Wazzit, shoving Sinc backwards.

"Guys! If you don't stop, we're all going on a really long ride down this slope!", yells Jon, from the front.

"Shut up Jon!", Wazzit and Sinc yell in unison.

Wazzit shoves Sinc again, prompting the angered Sinc to push him. "AHHHH!!! AHHH!!!", yells Wazzit, as he slides down the slope, ramming into Justin0's butt.

Justin0 is propelled down the slope, starting a chain reaction, sending all the Drazenites (for Sinc and Wazzit somehow made it to the back) plunging into an unknown (but probably strange) fate. "AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!", was the collective scream as the whole crew slid into an empty blackness.

Suddenly, the floor opened up...

SPLASH! Everyone landed in the ship's trash compacter.

"Great! Just great! Look what you two did now!", screamed RBF, slapping Wazzit and Sinc.

"But he stole my beer...", whined Sinc.

"I did not!", said Wazzit, under his breath.

"Ok, just shut up you two and I'll buy you BOTH a 12 pack when we get home.", said Neb.

"Goodie!", Sinc and Wazzit yelled in unison, already planning to steal each other's booze.

"Ok, so how do we get out of here?", asks Entropy.

"Yeah, my circuits are starting to short.", adds Gonk.

posted 11-10-98 11:00 PM EDT (US)            

"We wait?"

"Yes, we wait."

"Are you sure about this?"

"Yes, trust me. I know that you guys'd rather pull some funky and dangerous stunt, but this is how we get out."

So they waited. And they waited. And they waited some more. And the camera started rotating around them, and they began to do wierd, impossible things, like resting their lightsabers on their shoulders, and sticking body parts through other body parts with no ill effect. Meanwhile, their pointed stares at Cho'Koth grew more and more bitter.

Just then, the door opened. By some strange coincidence, the person who opened it was the woman from Baron's Hed, the same one who opened the door into Max's room for Kyle.

When they saw the door open, the group rushed it all at one time, trampling the woman. She didn't seem to notice, but she did start spouting off comments like "leave us in peace."

"Pretty slick, you gotta admit it." Cho'Koth boasted. The other members grumbled.

"Yeah, but we didn't have to deal with any dianogas. No trash compactor scene is complete without dianogas," rebuffed Sinc.

As the wisdom of that sunk in, the group was faced with a dilemma. They could all go back into the compactor and troll for dianogas to properly complete the compactor scene, or they could just leave it at that and go on to other adventures. And a few of them were secretly toying with the thought of tossing Matt in the compactor to deal with the dianogas because of his stupid writing...

posted 11-10-98 11:22 PM EDT (US)            

<<<Out of story comment, please when you write my name, It's Cho'Koth, capitalised like that, I used Klingon grammar for it, so it's kinda important to me...Thanx>>>

posted 11-10-98 11:55 PM EDT (US)            

It's was bigger, hairier, uglier, and it's evil was palpable in the room.

"Not good," Cho'Koth said from the front of the pack. "Not good at all."

The drooling beast came forward, it's dirty, uncut fingernails clawing in anticipation. The group backed away from the slobbering monster, terrified out of their minds, when, all of a sudden, the creature suddenly exploded, an explanding cloud of purple smoke left where it once stood. The smog clear to reveal... Pax!

"Nothing like a good telefrag," he said to the dumbstruck crowd.

"Pax!" they all yelled. "You're not dead!"

"Nope," he said. "Teleporting helps that way, though you guys did a real good job blowing away the Human Replica Droid I left behind in my place. I thought it was kind of funny that none of you realized a Jedi wouldn't leave behind a body..."

posted 11-11-98 12:14 AM EDT (US)            

"The pain! Ohhh... the pain!" he squealed.
Jonathan scratched his head. "Hmmm... looks like Trespasser syndrome. His legs are stretched all the way back to the door, which his feet are still stuck under.
"Odd." mumbled Acinonyx. "What causes it."

"Usually it's caused by a lame 3D engine, but in this case, it was caused by a lame writer, who forgot to open the door. Not only did RBF pass through the door, but his legs are stretched under it, and doubled back.

"How do we fix it??" Acinonyx yelled, ducking as shrapnel spewed from a nearby explosion.
"We can cut off his legs" Jonathan suggested, drawing his lightsaber.
"No... that'll just make him whine."
"There's one other option, then." he said.
"What is it?" Acinonyx asked.

"We let go of him." he told Acinonyx.
The two released RBF.

"Wheee!" he yelled, zipping back along the cooridoors, until he passed through the door and shot off somewhere else in the ship.

posted 11-11-98 12:23 AM EDT (US)            

"Damn Trespasser!" Nebula grunted as he tried to wedge his gun out. "Stupid clipping problems."

Acinonyx and Jonathan found RBF stuck in the wall. Like another common problem with Trespasser, he was trapped. Both of the pair laughed as they saw RBF's butt sticking out of the wall, but then they grew serious. Acinonyx picked up a metal pole and started to wedge RBF out.

Meanwhile, Nebula and Pax were completely bored of listening to Tom Servo, and executed him in the name of Sanity.

"Now how the [BLEEP] are we gonna get that [BLEEP]ing Trandoshan's [BLEEP]ing gun out of the [BLEEP]ing wall?!?!" Sinclair yelled, gulping down some more of his ever-presant liquor supply.

[This message has been edited by Jonathan C (edited 11-11-98).]

[This message has been edited by Jonathan C (edited 11-11-98).]

posted 11-11-98 12:59 AM EDT (US)            

"Woof! Woof!" barked Pug, noticing the hole RBF had made leads to another room.
The dog entered the room to find... gads no! Faelan, holding a video set in his hands labeled "The Star Wars Christmas Special".
Barking maniacally in fear, Pug Dog leaped back into the corridor, and ran down the hall into some dark, deserted area of the ship, in search of newspapers.

Faelan tried to follow him, but was stopped by the Bespinites and Drazenites, who all fled in fear in different directions.

posted 11-11-98 01:09 AM EDT (US)            

The sheer sight of this menace struck fear into the Drazenites, but this fear was driven by something even worse... even colder.

posted 11-11-98 01:57 AM EDT (US)            

Justin0 and Gonk were growing tierd of veing left out, so they ran off to an escape pod in hopes of getting in an adventure for themselves... Gonk jumped in first, and hit the big red button, sealing the hatch in Justin0's nose.

"*&*@# gonk!" said Justin0, leaping into the next pod down... only to find Wazzit and Sinc, pissed drunk, to be hovering over each other. Each one holding the others ale. Wazzit tried to smash the bottle on Sinc's head... but since he was so drunk he accidentally hit the big red button instead... The door closed and Wazzit and Sinc were jettesoned from the house-ship.

"damnit" exlaimed Justin0, walking down the line to the next pod. In this one he found a FaelenJaWok... "Ahhhh!!!" he screamed, reaching in a hitting the big red button. The pod jettesoned as well...

"argh!" yelled justin0, starting to get annoyed. He walked calmly down to the next pod... but found it full of rabbits... "geez..." he said, as one of the rabbits hoped on the big red button and the pod escaped...

"1...2...3...4" murmered Justin0 as he walked to last pod... To his great surpirse he found it empty... getting in he straped himself down (never go anywhere if you dont have your seat belt on, even in an escape pod) and started to push the red button... Only to have all the rest of the Drazenites rush over, yelling "hold that pod!" Everyone squished in, and Jeff pushed the red button... unfourtionatly the door got stuck on someones shoe... They pushed the person (Justin0, of course) outta the pod...

"GOD DAMNIT!!!" Justin0 yelled as the pod fired off...

He looked around... "oh..." he said, "Shit..." as about 300 odd enemies converged on his location...

posted 11-11-98 02:16 AM EDT (US)            

Meanwhile back on the ship...

Justin0 is surrounded by 300 FaelanJawoks, Ewoks, Jawas, and the like. "E wubba wonba!", yells an Ewok, approaching Justin.

At the press of a button, the furry little thing flips out a blade from his long staff. He is about to gut Justin, but Justin, thinking quickly, grabs a FaelanJawok and thrusts it in front of the approaching blade.
FaleanJawok guts spilled onto the floor. Justin acts quickly, he picks up the attacking Ewok and throws it at Faelgon. "Get him you fools!", yells the enraged monstrosity.

The horde of 3 foot tall monsters pursues Justin with thier short, stubby legs. Justin, finding a ladder, climbs it and heads for where he remembers the hangar to be. Then a thought comes to him. "Wait a second, I have a gun!", he says to himself.

He unholsters the blaster and starts shooting at his pursuers lower down the ladder. Sending FaelanJawok, Jawa, and Ewok parts all over the place. Justin reaches the top of the ladder, and closes the hatch near it. "That should hold 'em for a little while.", he thinks.

He walks through the ship, looking for a hangar with some form of transportation in it. He spies a Z-95 headhunter in need of repairs. "Great. Just great.", he mutters.

posted 11-11-98 02:31 AM EDT (US)            

In some dark corner of the ship, Pug Dog is throwing his seventh set of newspapers into the trash can. Bored am I. he thinks.
Moving some cardboard boxes and copper tubing aside, he finds what appears to be a circuit breaker. Not knowing which switch does what, (Someone forgot to label them!) he accidently drains all power into the self-destruct system, which blows the ship and everything on it to little tiny pieces. Including myself.

So, we have 4 escape pods out there in space together, with all the Drazenites and Bespinites, a FaelanJaWak, a bunch of rabbits, and a square robot named Gonk.

posted 11-11-98 02:32 AM EDT (US)            

"I'm luke skywalker, I'm here to rescue you... I got your R2 unit, I've come with Obi-wan" said the stranger...

"Ummm... I never had an R2 Unit...?" said Justin0, "and who the hell is obi-wan..."

"ummm... never mind, thats just what it says in the script..." said luke.

"okeee... so you got a plan?" queeried justin.

"umm... no, I thought you had one..." moaned luke.

"oh, yeah... I do... umm... we just gotta... use this ladder to um... go up here... and ummmm... well..." mumbled justin," no... I dont have a plan..."

"USE the FORCE Luke" rumbled a voice...

"what, who the hell was that?" asked justin0

"oh, that...? it was just obi-wan... he does that sorta thing once and a while..." replied luke.

"oh, okay... so um... you SURE you dont have a plan?"

"yeah... I have no plan whatsoever..." said luke.

"hmm... this sucks..." sighed justin0.

"yeah, it sucks..." agreed luke.

They sat for a while blasting the odd Jawok, Faelan clone, Kurgan, etc...

Time pasted...

More time pasted...

MORE time pasted...

And luke came up with a plan!
"I know!" he said, "we can...

posted 11-11-98 09:40 AM EDT (US)            

"Sorry, I can't see," Cho'Koth mumbled. "I think my face is pressed into the seat cushion."

"That's not a seat cushion!" Taraea yelled.

"Does anyone see a planet around?" Pax asked, who was pressed against the escape pod ceiling. "Jeff, Neb, you're by a window, what do you see?"

"Three other escape pods and..."

WHAM!

"What was that?" RBF asked.

"Justin0," Jeff responded. "He's plastered against my window. I can't see out anymore."

"Me and Matt have a window over here," MyShadowStar announced. "And I see a planet over there! Looks green..."

"Don't worry about it," Pax assured them, "All planets in Star Wars have breathable air. Well, besides Kessel. By the way, was Kessel fun?"

"Shut up!" everyone yelled.

"Ok, let's get to the point of this post," Pax said. Suddenly, everyone felt as though they were being stretched an immeasurable distance, and then suddenly, everything was back to normal and then everyone, excluding Sinc, Wazzit and Gonk, was on the planet, an expanding cloud of purple dispating around them.

"That was kind of a cheesy out," RBF commented.

"Well, we've already done the whole escape pod thing before, so I thought I'd get to the good part."

Standing, his eyes bugged out and blood running out of his ears, Justin0 said, "I feel kinda funny."

posted 11-11-98 10:19 AM EDT (US)         

"You stole my [BLEEP]ing can!" Said Sinclair.

"No I didn't!!!" Answered Wazzit "You stole mine!"

Back in space, Gonk's pod was going in the opposite direction of the mysterious planet.

posted 11-11-98 12:13 PM EDT (US)            

Taraea looks over, "They're men you think they would accually bring a map let alone ask directions." She points to a rather large castle on the horizon.

Jeff and Neb look at each other. "We have a bad feeling about this."

The castle was unlike any seen before. Completly formed of on monotone cube it stood on the flat green spongy ground like an abandoned box.

Sinc feeling bored and wondering if the place had anything to drink begins to walk towards the castle. "Must Feind.. drienks..." he mumbles.

Wazzit never one to miss a good party stumbles along behind him.

The rest of the Drazinites and Bespinites begin to follow wondering who could have created such a monstrocity.

RBF looks at the cube, "Does anyone see a door? How do we open this thing?"

Meanwhile...

In space Gonk continues to float further away. But fear not he's not alone. Floating close by is the lone FaelanJawok trying to open the escape pods door...

"Gee I wonder if they will miss me.."

posted 11-11-98 04:39 PM EDT (US)            

Only a moment after the hovering figure stopped talking, three tall figures appeared from around the side of a bush. They were about six feet tall each, two appeared to be human females, one a male, and they all had skin that appeared to be plastic.

"Oh gads no!" shouted Pax, "We've landed on a BARBIE WORLD!!!"
Walking slowly back to the frightened group, Sinclair and Wazzit broke out into song. "I'm a Barbie girl, in a..."
At the sound the Bespinites and Drazenites all ran in fear away from the dolls and drunks, heading towards the huge castle cube-like thing.

posted 11-11-98 05:43 PM EDT (US)            

"Pug! you're hallucinating again! You were muttering something about Barbie Dolls and running around in circles!"

"AHEM!" Lord Ender said from behind the group.

"Oh, sorry Ender," Void said, "You were saying something about the fact you don't know where the hell we are....."

"Yes," Ender said, trying to sound ominous, "I found my self on this world after my ship unexpectedly landed here one day, and...."

"You mean you crashed." RBF said.

"Well," Ender said, losing the ominous tone, "yes, okay, I did crash here. About two days ago. I searched the castle top to bottom, but couldn't find anything of use. The only other thing I've found was this." Ender said, handing Pax a pair of macrobinoculars.

"What am I looking at," Pax asked as he scanned the mountains in the distance.

"Move it a little to the right...there. Do you see it?" Ender said.

"I see something," Pax said, "What the hell is it."

"I'm not sure," Ender said, "It appears to be the wrechage of a very large ship, but I don't recognize the configuration."

"Well," Sinclair, still in a drunken stupor, "Are we just going to sit here with our thumbs up our asses, or are we going to go check that thing out?"

"I hate to say this," Taraea said, "But I have to agree with Sinclair.

"So," Sinc said, trying to sound suave, "You're finally warming up to me, eh?"

Suddenly Sinc was flung back by the charge from a stun gun.

"You broke the 'everyone must stay at least ten feet away from Taraea at all times' rule, Sinc." Taraea said.

"Well, I guess we should get going," RBF said, "It'll be dark soon, and that's when the Dartogs come out...."

"WHAT?!" The drazenites yelled.

"RBF," Void said, "It's midday here, and what the hell is a Dartog?"

"I dunno," RBF said, "I think that there is something in the air here, first pug hallucinated, now me, we'd better be careful."

posted 11-11-98 08:41 PM EDT (US)            

"I thought we were finally rid of him!", sighs RBF.

"Not yet, now get me out of this dog's mouth!", yells Gonk.

Pug drops Gonk and returns to Speak's side.
"So what have you guys been up to?", asks Gonk, "And how the hell did Justin get here?"

"Well how the hell did you get here?", asks Void.

"Well, that little FaelanJawok got out of his pod, and ripped the door off of mine. The force from the suction propelled me towards his pod, which I landed in. I grabbed a conc that was inside of it, and blew up the other pod. Then I tapped into the pod's computer system, and propelled it towards this planet.
By the way, on descent I skimmed this big wreck, what was that?", explains Gonk.

"We're trying to figure that out. But we DID have some form of plot forming here.", says RBF.

"Oh, heh, sorry...", says Gonk, jumping into the midst of the Drazenites.

posted 11-11-98 08:54 PM EDT (US)            

"Snap out of it, guys!" Pax yelled, knocking them out of their dream worlds.

"The hallucinations seem to be getting worse as we get closer to the ship." Void said.

"They're getting damn sick, too!" Gonk said, "I'm having one of Wazzit dancing around naked while singing "Follow the yellow brick road"."

"Um, no," Void said, diverting his eyes, "that's actually happening."

"Oh," Gonk said, turning away.

"Well, we'd better keep going," Taraea said, "preferably in a direction opposite Wazzit."

posted 11-11-98 11:10 PM EDT (US)            

"Snap outta it, Justin" said Gonk, holding his conc rifle threatenliy under Justins head.

"lalallalalalalaa"

"Awww, screw him... lets go." said RBF.

"But... but... okay" said gonk.

"lalalalallalalalla"

The group journeys continues towards the large ship wreck... Leaving Wazzit, Sinc and Justin0 behind...

posted 11-12-98 11:06 AM EDT (US)            

"Friend or foe?" the figure shouts

posted 11-12-98 01:32 PM EDT (US)            

Jeff replied, "Uh... Friend?"

The man continued to walk towards them, repeating the "Friend or Foe" line over and over.

"What the hell is wrong with this guy?", asked Speak.

"Wait, I have an idea," said JCBoath. He picked up a small rock and threw it at the man. It passed right through him. "Just as I thought, he's a hologram. Probably some kind of automated greeting system or something for the crashed ship; the projection mechanism must have gotten fried in the crash," he said.

"So it's ok to ignore it and continue on, then?" asked RBF.

"Should be," said JCBoath.

So, as the hologram kept walking and repeating the "Friend or Foe" line over and over again (much to everyone's annoyance until they were out of earshot), the group continued on to the ship, which was only about 100 meters away now. As they got closer, Void decided to take off and do a little reconnaisance (sp?). After getting a close look from high overhead, he returned and commented on the large number of gun emplacements on the downed ship. "Gonk," he asked, "can you do a scan and tell us how many there are?"

Gonk extended a small sensor dish from his head. After a few moments, he replied, "There are approximately 103 large turbolaser emplacements on the ship." "Wow," said Taraea, "We'd better be careful from here on in..."

Suddenly, when the group got within 50 yards of the ship, it began to power up. "Uh-oh," said Pax, "I don't like this at all." The running lights came on...

And then suddenly the air was full of turbolaser blasts! All the functioning batteries on the ship opened up on the Drazenites! The jedi in the group quickly drew their sabers, but with the strange "out of whack" force on the planet (which somebody should explain eventually, BTW ) and the sheer volume of laser blasts, they were finding it difficult to deflect the shots. The group scattered and scambled for cover behind some large rock outcroppings... However, they were slowly being chipped away by the turbolasers...

posted 11-12-98 02:13 PM EDT (US)            

Acinonyx frequently stood up from his cover, firing shots at the laser cannons. But the battle was being lost... more and more turrets kept targetting the only Jedi who fought back, in an effort to neutralize the foe.
Acinonyx transmitted a message to the group through the Force: “These guns aren’t firing like a computer! They must be manned!”

On the recieving end of the message, due to the dampening affects the planet had on the Force, it came through as: “I’m firing like a computer! I must not be a man!”
RBF giggled over that, then grew serious. “Why are we just sitting here? Lets go kick some starship booty!”
“No. Before you get your chinless head blown off, feel the Force around you.” Jeff said.

“Uh... okay.” RBF replied, then closed his eyes.
“The ship is alive? But.... how is that possible?” RBF wondered out-loud.
“I’m not certain. But one thing is for sure: the ship, or whatever’s on it, is capable of changing the Force around them. It’s like creating energy... it’s amazing, but all fuel sources have wastes... it’s almost like funnelling pollution into the Force.” Jonathan replied.

posted 11-12-98 06:50 PM EDT (US)            

"Ok, great," Void called to him. "Now what about the living ship and all the freaking cannons shooting at us?"

"I don't know," Pax shrugged. "You figure it out."