posted 11-13-98 06:59 PM EDT (US)        

Dramatic Personae:

"Our Heroes"
Jeff, RBF, Neb, Void, Gonk, Justin0, Taraea, Sinclair, Cho'Koth, Jon, Speak, Wazzit, Pug, Entropy, Acinonyx, JCBoath, Nijaan, IG88h, Matt, MyShadowStar, Pax, and 4-GOM

"The Villains"
Nazi Kurgan
the vampiric George Lucas
Jananicans
JMR
DP
Faelan
a FaelanJawok
Time Winters
JMLarin
The Darkness

(Now, let's try to keep this nice and nifty....a couple of posts that tell how each of the villains is removed, try to be unique, and, oh, let's let each person take out their own arch nemesis)

"Are you done yet?" Taraea asked. "I want that stupid actor done with forever!"

Uh, sorry...back to the story....

"Uh, ok, how many times are we going to have to fight these people anyway?" Acinonyx (AC for short) asked.

"I don't know, but the darkness is such a corny name. Oh dear, he's a phantom menace!" Entropy mocked, then picked up a large magnet.

RBF shook his head and leaped over most of the apparitions, landing in front of the VGL (Vampiric George Lucas, for the acronym-challenged). "Now, last time we fought you ended up in a dustbuster. I think. It's been a while. Anyway, I'm really not liking you right now, and you know what? You have bad breath." He kicked VGL in the teeth. The LTF stumbled backwards. RBF looked at the Darkness. "I thought you said these were our worst fears. And this would be whose worst fear?" He was grabbed from behind and put in a bearhug by the VGL. He could feel the vamp's breath on his neck. Without thinking, he smashed the back of his head into VGL's face. "Did I not tell you that you suffer from halitosis?" He picked up the DHS, looked at it, and sheathed it. "You know, I'm really getting sick of staking all you losers. It's time to get creative."

He flipped through the air over the vamp's head, turning in the air and landing facing his back. He looked around for a semi-interesting way to slay the vamp, and found none. "You know what? You suck!" the VGL (who had turned around whilst RBF searched for something interesting) bared his fangs. "Well, actually, you won't get a chance to." He kicked the LTF in the jaw, snapping his head back. "Try toothpaste. It's an amazing invention." The VGL, apparently aware that he was being mocked, launched himself at RBF, who sidestepped, grabbed his shoulder, and flipped him up against the wall. The vamp's back slammed against it hard, and he slid down to the floor in a heap. "Now," said RBF. "I think it's time to end this tedious fight scene." He caught sight of a familiar face walking in the door of the ship. He picked up the VGL and carried it to where Fuurgh now stood eating a popsicle.

"Hey, RBF!" he said. "Man, those Faelanjawoks sure are-" he was cut off as RBF flipped the VGL through the air and impaled him of Fuurgh's popsicle stick. "There, a rather short ending to a long fight. Hopefully everyone else has finished with their special friends." He once again unsheathed the DHS and went along with the others to face the Darkness.

posted 11-13-98 07:18 PM EDT (US)            

"So, Void dragon," JMR said, "we meet again. Join us, and we shall crush these pitiful fools!"

"I...don't....think....so!" Void said has he swung his sledge hammer, smashing JMR's kneecap. The gacker fell to the ground, wailing in pain. Suddenly Void was sent to the ground as well, by a sharp kick to the face.

"Not this time!" Jananicans said, kicking him again. Void turned a grabbed her/his foot, and sent him/her flying against the opposite wall of the wrecked ship. S/he landed on a jagged piece of the hull, which impaled her/him.

Just then Void felt the searing pain of another low powered blaster bolt.

"Hey!" DP yelled, "That's my clone, er, sister!"

Void turned, and exhaled, sending a ball of fire hurrling toward DP. It struck him, and the fire ingulfed him, incinerating him completely.

"Guess it's just you and me, Void!" JMR said, proping himself up against a wall, assault cannon in hand.

Void lunged, but a blast from the cannon turned his sledge hammer to slag. JMR fired again, sending void sprawling to the ground.

"Ha ha ha ha!" JMR laughed over the injured dragon, "you cannot defeat me!"

"Wanna make a bet?" Void said. Using the last of his strength, the dragon lept at JMR, sending them both flying to the ground. Void began to give off a weird glow, and his whole body turned a strange black color. Suddenly, a huge black portal opened, and engulfed both the dragon and the remaining GaCker. As the portal closed, nothing remained of either of them.

"What the hell was that?" Fuurgh yelled while fighting off the FaelanJawok.

"Void told me about it once," RBF yelled back, "It's called, 'the void'. It's literally nothingness. Anything that enters it, ceases to exsist. Void said he could summon it up, but it may cause his own destruction. Guess he was right."

posted 11-13-98 07:21 PM EDT (US)            

When he arrived he found it full of evil vilians and heros, all battling and that.

Justin0 grabed a root-beer outta his pocket and sat down to watch the fights.

Of course, this could never last forever and after a few seconds a shadow grew outta the ground. "Oh my god! Its Jedi_Lord" screamed Justin0.

He ducked outta the way and grabbed his lightsaber off his belt. Quickly egnighting it he charged ahead, strafing to the left he pressed "Z" on his keyboard and started doing a large "Z" swing. He missed his nemesis and turned around, rushing and "Z" swinging again. He missed again.

All of a sudden Jedi_Lord began to grow! "Ahhh, ego!" yelled Justin. He ducked outta the way as Jedi_Lords ego attempted to smother him. The ego came closer, closer, closer...

"Damnit" he said... "Aw screw this lightsaber." Throwing the ancient weapon on the ground he pulled out a conc rifle and started to blow the living shit outta Jedi_lord...

"There" he said with a sigh. And he walked over to where he had put his root-beer and sat down again, Just as everyone else was finishing off their foe.

posted 11-13-98 07:27 PM EDT (US)            

Entropy turned around to leave and planted his face into a rather large man wearing all black, a black trench coat, a black base ball cap backwards and a full black beard. From to this figures amidet left comes "Snootchie Bootchies E-Man! Yo, you're not leaving like that little man. No, me and SIlent Bob here have some buisness with you're punk ass"

Entropy turns to see a slanky loud mouth with long blonde hair and a black skull cap. "Um... It's my heroes! Jay and Silent Bob!"

"Yo, shut up little man, don't make my partner here get all upset. He's vicious like that." Jay threatened

"Wait, you guys are my heroes, how can you be my arch-nemisises too?" Entropy asked

"I said shut up! Man, you just don't wanna listen do you. That's it, get him Silent Bob." Jay said

Slient Bob reached into his trench coat and pulled out a sack of quarters. He began to swing it in the air and charge at Entropy.

"OK, this is just weird." Entropy then remebered the magnets he was holding and tossed them up in the air. They lacthed onto the ceiling, and when silent bob ran under them with the bag of quarters at it's apex, he too was then stuck to the ceiling. "Aight Jay, it's just me and you now."

"Oh yea, You just don't know when to quit, do you. Let me bust some moves up in here." Jay said charging at Entropy

"You scrawny assed punk! I'm gonna drop you with a boot to the head!"

The two titans charged at each other. The dust clears and Entropy was victorious, Jay was scatterd among the floor. "Snootchie Bootchies J-Man" Entropy said in a mocking tone "I just wish I knew what just happened... Wonder how everyone else is doing?"

From high above Entropy heard SIlent bob speak "Um... Excuse me, can you get me down?"

posted 11-13-98 07:32 PM EDT (US)            

"I guess you ain't really my arch-nemesis or anything," Pax said he and Kurgan circled one another. "But your name is at the top of the list, so..."

"You cannot speak!" Kurgan suddenly shouted as he pulled out a repeater rifle and fired off a burst. "It is my will!"

"There's a fire-at-will joke here somewhere," Pax said as he ignited his blue saber. "But it just won't come to me."

Roaring in anger, Kurgan threw aside the repeater gun and ignited his own glowing red, black cored saber. Pointing the lightsaber's tip at Pax, he growled, "Our fates are interlocked. There can be only one!" Charging Pax, Kurgan attacked with a brutla overhand slash that would've split Pax from shoulder to side if he hadn't stepped aside.

Pax shook his head. "As much as you keep quoting Highlander, it would seem like you'd remember that Kurgan LOST."

Kurgan grinned. "But this isn't highlander, is it? Fight!" Again Kurgan struck, feinting left, then swished the saber around in an attempt to cleave Pax in two. The cyborg ducked, then jumped as Kurgan changed direction to sweep back the other way.

"You're not very good at this, y'know," Pax said. "You want to go back and try the gun again?"

Again Kurgan roared in anger, charging Pax full on, shouting, "DIE!" Swinging the saber like a battle axe, Kurgan swept in in at Pax, who suddenly disappeared, replaced by a choking cloud of purple smoke.

From several meters behind the shadow-killer, where he stood beside the ship's jagged hull, Pax shrugged. "Been there, done that."

"You fear me," Kurgan stated. "You will not fight!"

"I don't need to. But thanks for the practice."

Kurgan's face contorted in anger, then, with a blood curdling scream, the Nazi once again charged. "Last chance, Kurgan, give up or die."

Kurgan laughed as he charged, intent on his enemy's blood. He brought his saber up to deliver a crushing overhead blow, then swung it downward to split Pax's skull. Suddenly, Pax teleported away again, and Kurgan's momentum carried him forward into a jagged spike protruding from the ship's hull. The shadow-killer groaned once, then disappeared into the night.

Turning, Pax spotted RBF finishing up with the flanneled one, and jogged over to join him.

posted 11-13-98 07:50 PM EDT (US)            

Looking eye to eye with the 3 foot demon, Gonk backed away. "Will you be my new fwend?"

"Ahhh! Dammit no! Back off!", Gonk yelled, pulling out the Fry Daddy.

"But I'm a weally good fwend!", yelled Faelan, charging the power droid.

Gonk swung the mighty Fry Daddy, hitting Faelan square on the jaw. The hit landed with a loud crack, and Faelan fell to the floor like a rock. "Owie!", slurred Faelan, nursing his broken jaw, "Now you'll pay!"

Suddenly, Faelan's jaw glew with a strange blue light, and it seemed as if the pain wasn't affecting him anymore. Faelan lunged at Gonk again. Gonk swung the Fry Daddy once again, this time hitting Faelan in the stomach. The groaning demon fell onto Gonk, knocking the both down. "Finally! Now you shall pay!", yelled Falean.

"Wait a sec... Didn't Jedi_Lord kill you off back on Drazen? You know, when Jeff got all mad at me for bringing you back?", asked Gonk.

"Well, yes. But Jedi_Lord came back, didn't he?", said Faelan, motioning towards Justin0, who was battling the evil, egotistical freak that was Jedi_Lord.

"But didn't you have someone else with you when you reappeared on Drazen?", Gonk asked, trying to buy himself some time.

"That was my fwend Time Winters. That meanie Speak killed him.", explained the 3 foot tall monstrosity.

"Ok, so now where were we in this fight?", asked the power droid.

Just then, out of compartments on the side of Gonk's body, came what appeared to be 2 small handcuffs. "Nighty night little one!", yelled Gonk, as he sent 23,000 volts of electricity through Faelan's small body.

"Waaaaaahhhhhh!!!", cried Faelan as he was sent flying through the air, landing on yet another shard of hull.

"Well, that's getting redundant.", said Gonk.

posted 11-13-98 08:15 PM EDT (US)            

The ground around acinonyx began to shake, as hundreds of small pink bunnies with glowing eyes and razor teeth began to arise. "You are one skewed up fuck, you know that?" AC shouted out loud. Grinning, he reached to his holsters on his back and pulled out his organic tech twin slicer rifles, and proceded to slice the bunnies into little shreds. Hundreds of rabid rabbits fell under the green glare of death rays, but the numbers were overwhelming. Neither side was getting much of anywhere, and it seemed more bunnies were spawning.
Suddenly, something began to happen in the crowd... like the sea before Moses, the rodents parted, only to expose a horendous beast of a bunny standing 8 feet tall.
"Uhm, well... crap" Acinonyx quipped. Taking aim with one rifle, he pulled the trigger. And nothing happened...
Quickly, he popped the back pannel off and took out the batteries, which read "Supervolt"
"Hmmm.... Pink bunnies, batteries... shoulda seen that one coming." He looks around quickly for anything he could use... and spots Gonk standing around and not doing anything particularly useful. In a few short bounds, AC arrived at gonk, and before saying a word, had yanked an extension cable out of the power droid's back and plugged in his guns. Running off the new powersource, the guns made quick work of the megabunny... Anyone who happened to notice, gagged, and learned that rabid pink bunnies are cannibles too. "So that's why they keep coming back..." Acin remarked. "Calls for heavier weapons!"
Looking around, he sees a flamethrower, and makes a mental note to find out where all these weapons are coming from. Doing a roll under some rabid jumping bunnies, he picked up the flamethrower and toasted the hell out of the hoard.

posted 11-13-98 09:16 PM EDT (US)            

As he neared the end of the vast room, feelings along the jagged walls, Nebula felt the wall give way to a corridor. At last, a way out. Looking over his shoulder, he decided it would be best if he had someone tagging along to cover his back. Before he could call out, Acinonyx jogged over to join him. Nodding, Nebula continued through the tunnel into the darkness.

The two heroes moved on, without a single thought beyond how they were goona get off the ship and figure out how to save the other Drazenites. Feeling along the wall, Nebula soon felt the ground give out beneith him. Chunks of the floor, Nebula, Acinonyx, and some blackened bones fell with a crash into a huge open cavern. After looking around with force-aided eyesight, the two heroes soon discovered it was not a cavern, but a docking bay. His attention distracted by the ships sitting on their pads, both Nebula and Acinonyx disregarded the blackened bones of another victim of the darkness. Soon the images of the ships distorted, wavered, and dissapeared, leaving them in an empty docking bay.

Suddenly Acin had an idea. "Ya'know what would be absolutly awful?" he said in a mocking voice..."If a fueled transport suddenly appeared in front of us, with all the docking codes written on the dashboard in the cockpit." booming laughter echoed throughout the docking bay, and from the darkness there appeared a transport. fully fuiled. with docking codes and the lot. "Darn" Nebula said, smiling, as they boarded the craft.

"I hope getting off this thing is as easy as getting a transport delivered." Nebula remarked as Acinonyx took the controls. "We gotta go get a ship large enough to evacuate the others from this hunk of scrap." "Strap in" was all the pilot told his crew as the ship shuddered and lurched from the pad. Hardly in his seat, Nebula slipped and fell about the cockpit as the huge docking bay doors creaked and opened into outer space...and the Transport shot out of the docking bay.

Finaly strapping into his seat, Nebula let out a breath of releif and brought up the sensor screen. To his astonishment, two armed Imperial Star Destroyers pummeled the huge dark ship..or so it appeared. From their view, the Drazen heroes could clearly see the bolts of deadly energy were going through the ship. "This is too weird" Acin said as his grip tightened on the controls. Nebula said nothing as he unstrapped and went to the single gunwell to protect the little transport from the dark vessel and the two imperial bringers of death.

posted 11-13-98 09:26 PM EDT (US)            

"I dunno, but look what we have here," Acinonyx said, pointing at the large Mon Calamari cruiser that had take orbit around Drazen.

"They're signaling us," Nebula said, answering the com.

"This is the New Republic cruiser Excelsior. Please state your buisness in this sector."

"We live here," Nebula said to the commander of the ship, "what are you doing here?"

"We had a report of some imperial activity in this sector."

"Well you're a little bit late!" Acin said, "we took care of them weeks ago."

"Oh," the New Republic commander said, "sorry, can we do anything to help you with anything else?"

"Yeah," Nebula said, "we have friends in trouble on another planet, we'll send you the coordinates so you can--"

"Hold on," the commander said, "why should we help you with this?"

"Because if you don't," Acin said, "we'll tell your superiors how you botched this up!"

"So," the commander said, "what were those coordinates?"

Meanwhile, back in the dark ship, Myshadowstar fought off a rabid JMLarin, as Jeff Walters was engaged in a vicious saber duel with Darkness.

"You're powers are no match for mine, mortal!" Darkness bellowed at Jeff as he sent him flying backwards with a blast of force lightning.

"Don't you ever shut up?" Jeff said, charging him again. Darkness caught his saber swing, and sent jeff flying backwards again.

"FREEZE!" a voice yelled from behind them. Jeff, Darkness, and the drazenites turned to see a squad of republic troopers standing in back of them with weapons drawn.

"Hey guys, and Taraea and Myshadowstar," Acinonyx said, "we brought you some help, and a ship."

When Acinonyx said, "ship" Darkness smiled an evil smile. The vortex that delivered him formed again, and Darkness dissappeared. Suddenly one of the soldier's com went off.

"This is Captain Lennox," the captain of the excelsior said over the com, "something weird is happening, something is...AHHHHH!"

"He took over the ship!" RBF said.

"If he has a ship, then he's mobile," Jeff yelled.

"Where do you think he would go?" Taraea said.

"Think about it," Myshadowstar replied, "if you were a power hungry demigod, what planet would you head for."

"Courscant!" they all said in unison.

"We have to stop him!" Nebula said, "quick, back to the landing ship!"

The drazenites ran into the New Republic landing craft and took off. They broke the atmosphere just in time to see the Excelsior, cloaked in darkness, go to hyperspace.

"well, he was definitely headed for Coruscant," Pax said, "we'd better follow him!"

posted 11-13-98 10:09 PM EDT (US)            

"Well, yes... But we never WERE very original in the first place. I mean, we just killed those guys back there for about the 3rd time!", says Speak.

"Is it me, or does this 'plot' thing seem to be going in circles?", asked Void.

"Ah hell, we might as well see it through, I mean we've got everyone on a cliffhanger here.", says Neb.

So while traveling through hyperspace, the crew passes the time as they normally would.
Jeff chattering about bashing vampires with the napkin holder, and fighting with Darkness. Wazzit and Sinc yet again quarreling over their ever present bottle of ale. Justin0 standing in a corner trying to figure out where the hell he got this root beer he's been drinking. Neb cleaning his concussion rifle. Jon C trying to piece together some form of armor from what the dropship has available.

"We're almost to Coruscant, everyone please strap in.", comes the pilot's voice over the intercom.

The ship drops out of hyperspace, everyone crowds around the small portholes on the dropship, trying to see if they can find any trace of the Excelsior or Darkness. "Nebula and Entropy, can you two please come to the cockpit?", asks the pilot over the intercom.

Once Neb and Entropy arrive, the pilot begins to speak: "Look over here and there. What would you make of them?", he asks.

posted 11-13-98 10:47 PM EDT (US)            

(Note:for those who've played Starcraft, the crystal IS a Khaydarin shard. Finally, a different plot device..)

posted 11-14-98 12:03 AM EDT (US)            

"He's here," she said, "and growing more powerful by the minute."

posted 11-14-98 12:20 AM EDT (US)            

Picking up a headset, Jeff told Aves, "You better take your crew and hyper out of the system. We'll take care of the Darkness."

"Acknowledged, Excelsior landing ship. I don't like it, but you guys no more about what's going on than I do. We're recalling our fighters and heading out."

"Whoa, thanks guys!" Joes voice came over the radio as Jeff turned it off.

"Now," he said, "What ARE we going to do about the Darkness?"

posted 11-14-98 12:38 AM EDT (US)            

"Hey people," the figure, who talked with Void's voice but was human, but with skin that resembled that of Darkness', all black, with no features and an almost light absorbing ability, said, "what's happening?"

"Void," Taraea said, "you're alive, and you're.....human!"

"Yeah, the void can have that effect on one. I'll go into details later, but all you need to know right now is that I'm no longer Void, but his human counterpart, called ZoSo. I see you have a bit of a problem on your hands," Void, now ZoSo said, motioning towards the portal through which the spreading darkness could be seen.

"Yeah," Pax said, "any idea what the hell we should do about it?"

"Can't say I do." ZoSo said.

posted 11-14-98 12:56 AM EDT (US)            

"Good idea, everyone grab your weapons and various battle things" said Gonk, grabbing his ever present fry daddy.

"C'mon" said Neb, "Lets fry this &*@*head."

"Wait, " said pilot, " I'm reading massive fluctuations in the atmosphere, there are huge storms massing over Imperial Palace."

"I'm guessing these aren't just any storms?" asked ZoSo.

"doesn't look like it sir." said the pilot. "Considering the storms are appearing the make the words 'Go away or be destroyed'"

"We cant let that fool scare us!" yelled Jeff.

"Aight, lets land this ship and go find that &^#hole..." screamed Justin0, going into another one of his caffine action spurts.

The shuttle decended towards the planet...

posted 11-14-98 12:05 PM EDT (US)            

"Well, standard Coruscant greeting I see.", someone says near the back.

"Always hospitable!", chimes in IG88h, as the ship enters it's landing phases.

As soon as the ship lands, RBF, Neb, and ZoSo (formerley Void) take the lead. "Commander, you and your troops stay here and guard the ship, it may be our only way off this planet.", says ZoSo.

"Yes sir. But what about that... thing?", the commander asks.

"You let us handle that.", commands Neb.

"Ok, so I'm guessing we've gotta' find some way to get around town huh?", asks Speak.

"Exactly. We have to get to the Imperial Palace ASAP!", says RBF.

"Damn! Where's a cab when you need one?!?", yells Jon C.

Convieniently, one pulls up just at that moment. "Wow! Talk about service!", comments Jeff.

All the Drazenites cram into the small cab like clowns at a circus. "Speak, move you're crushing my spleen!", yells Justin0.

"OUCH! Wazzit! Get that bottle outta' here! We don't have enough room for it!", yells Jeff.

"HEY! Sinc has an entire keg in here!", yells Wazzit.

"N-No I don't!", says Sinc, trying to hide the rather large metal keg behind his back.

"Someone get that keg outta' here!", commands ZoSo.

"Where to?", yells the cabby, seemingly amused at the Drazenites fumbling in his back seat.

"Ummm... Imperial Palace please!", FourGOM yells.

"Righto! But you guys are nuts! Heading towards that dark thing, you're gonna have to pay double!", the cabbie says, in a thick foreign accent.

"Does anyone have any money with them?", whispers Neb.

"I don't. Me neither! None here!", were the collective responses.

"Oh well, I guess the Darkness will take over his mind once we get close enough.", whispers RBF.

As they rode uncomfortably towards the palace, anyone who was by a window was enjoying the scenery. "Oooo! Pretty!", says Jon, passing by a building only half engulfed by the darkness.

"We're almost there, do you want to get out on right side or the left side?", asks the cabbie in his heavy accent.

"What does it matter?", someone asks.

"WELL TELL ME!", the cabbie yells.

"RIGHT SIDE! RIGHT SIDE!", yell the Drazenites.

"You know, I could've sworn I've seen this on a TV show somewhere.", adds RBF.

"Imperial Palace! Dead ahead!", yells the cabbie, stopping his cab and shoving the Drazenites into a heap on the street.

"That'll be $119.50!", says the cabbie, "adjusting" his meter.

"Damn inflation!", yells Neb, as he hands the cabbie some counterfeit credits.

The cab turns around and drives off in a hurry. "He'll be halfway to Corellia before he realizes that that money isn't worth jack!", gloats Neb.

"Wait a sec, weren't we doing something before we ripped off the cabby?", asks Cho'Koth.

"Dammit! There he goes with continuing the storyline AGAIN!", whispers RBF.

Everyone turns around to see the grandness of the Imperial palace, half ingulfed by the darkness. "So what do we do now?", asks JCBoath.

"Well...", says ZoSo, "We...."

posted 11-14-98 01:50 PM EDT (US)            

"Yeah, hehe," Taraea said nervously, she wasn't about to give up her Khaydarin shard, she could sell it and buy a whole planet, "too bad we don't have one of those...."

"Oh well," ZoSo said, "I say we'd better get into the palace, that's most likely where the human incantation (<--thank you word of the day calendar j/k) of Darkness residing. If we do away with him, it should stop the spread of the darkness."

"Great idea, ZoSo, but you want to explain how? The palace gate is solid marble, five feet thick, how are we going to get in?" Justin0 said mockingly.

"I got an idea!" Sinclair said.

"You do??" the entire group replied in amazement.

"No," Sinc said, hanging his head in shame.

"Well I've got one," Pax said. He walked up to the gates, examined them, and then.....

knocked on them.

Suddenly, the gates creaked open.

"See?" Pax said, "easy as that."

"We got more problems!" RBF yelled, "Look!"

posted 11-14-98 02:51 PM EDT (US)            

"Ent, don't give them any ideas." Acin said scoldingly

"Guess, pug and cho can't stay out here and deal with tom and crow, the restof us will deal with defeating the impending doom for the universe. Sigh... We do this on a regular basis, and we get no credit." Jeff said

"Come to think of it, this would be a great gimic for the ad campaign for the cantina you planned on launching, jeff. Sure as hell is better then those three frogs in a swamp idea you had." Rbf said

posted 11-14-98 03:33 PM EDT (US)            

The -ites sheathed their weapons and continued their trek towards the palace. Calling on some reviewer wisdom, Matt piped up. "I wouldn't do that if I were you. People who make these kinds of levels have a tendancy to put multiple AT-STs or Kell Dragons in one place - usually behind big doors."

posted 11-14-98 05:38 PM EDT (US)            

"Aww...How cute," Speak said as he picked one up. "Bad dog!" he yelled at Pug as the dog ate up the other babies.

posted 11-14-98 08:44 PM EDT (US)            

"Good thing too, because it'll only get harder," Pax told them. Pointing toward a bank of turbolifts, he added, "Onward and upward."

The group ran to the array of five turbolifts, but found that only one worked. "Ok," Jeff said, calling the -ites together. "We only have room for 5 people. Neb, Voi - er, ZoSo, I mean, Speak, RBF and I will go up to face the Darkness. Pax, take the rest of these yahoos back outside and battle those guards we left Cho'Koth with.

"Right," Pax nodded. "All right guys, you heard the bartender, lets go waste some repetitive plot ass!"

Piling into the turbolift, the other 3 readied themselves to face the Darkness. There was only one place an ego of its size would take it, and that was the open aired audiance chamber at the very pinnacle of the Palace. It took the turbolift a full 5 minutes to get there, but finally it gave a pleasant ping, and the doors slid open. The group stepped out into the vast, darkened chamber. It was wide and circular, with trunicated spires rising all around like the points of a crown. Stairs lead to the platform suspened in the middle, a single, shadowy figure standing triumphant overlooking the city.

The 5 heroes snuck up the stairs quietly, then spread out to attack, RBF and Speak on one side, ZoSo and Nebula on the other, and Jeff in the middle. Even as they readied their weapons, the darkness began a low, deep laugh. He spun around, "Fools! I've know you were here since the moment you set foot on my Coruscant.

"But there's one thing you're forgetting," RBF said.

"And what would that be," Darkness leered.

"George Lucas pronounces it co-roo-saant."

The Darkness gave RBF a strange look, then resumed his menacing. "Enough tomfoolery. This time, you WILL die..."

posted 11-14-98 09:33 PM EDT (US)            

"ENOUGH!" the Darkness roared. "Your foolish babbling will not distract me!" Lightning flashed from his fingertips at Jeff. "And you, what kind of a weapon is that? And why isn't the lightning harming you?"

Jeff raised one foot off the floor, showing large, thicksoled rubber boots. "I'm insulated. And insulted. Do you know how many people I've defeated with this napkin holder?"

Darkness looked at Jeff, and, realizing he was acting like an idiot and not the terrible super villain he was supposed to, ignited a lightsaber. "As I was saying, enough!"

"Been a while since I've seen one of those," said Speak, looking at the saber. "I don't like him using it. Not unique at all."

Darkness narrowed his eyes and Speak flew back towards the edge of the platform. He disappeared over the edge. RBF dashed after him to find him dangling by one hand, with the SPORK tightly clenched i nthe other. RBF grabbed his hand and hoisted him back onto the platform. A bright red beam of energy flew from Darkness, immobilizing them.

"Well, I guess we just have to provide the commentary now," RBF said. ZoSo and Nebula, on the other side of Darkness, were likewise trapped. It was almost as if they had been momentarily forgotten, and the author remembered that they were there and he realized that the way he wanted to take the plot required them to be out of the picture so they shared the fate of the others.

"Now, your turn," Darkness swung his saber at Jeff, who ducked it and sprang backwards. He held the napkin holder back and launched it. It smacked Darkness in the forehead, and he fell to the ground, groaning. "And Darkness falls!" RBF said, as he, Speak, Neb, and ZoSo were released from the red beams.

"That was too easy," Nebula growled, aiming his concussion rifle at Darkness's prone form. The platform began to shake, and it rose into the air above the sharp, pointy spires (hint, hint).

posted 11-14-98 09:52 PM EDT (US)            

Darkness turned to face the others, just in time to see Speak's spork flying towards him. Darkness ducked the strike, and then jumped back, putting distance between him and the spork weilding Speak.

Speak prepared to charge, but suddenly a bolt of electricity shot down from the ceiling, sending Speak to the ground.

RBF ran at Darkness, DHS in hand, ready to finish him off. He tackled the dark one, sending them both to the ground. Suddenly Darkness' entire body became electricly charged, sending RBF flying backwards into Nebula, taking them both out.

"Now it's just you and me," Jeff said from behind Darkness. The dark lord swung around, just in time to catch the full force of Jeff's kick to his face. He fell to the ground and Jeff ran up behind him and started slamming his face into the floor. Trails of darkness' green blood stained the ground as Jeff picked him up.

"Look pal," Jeff said, "I'm getting real tired of you and your--"

Suddenly Darkness send out a blast of electricity. Jeff flew back, but as he did so, he gave the dark lord a heavy push, sending him tumbling off the edge. ZoSo, now recovering from Darkness' assault, watched him fall down into the pit, coming to rest on one of the giant spikes that bore its way through his chest.

Darkness screamed in agony as he exploded into a surge of green energy.

Meanwhile, back with the other group....

The Posessed guards were coming from every direction.

"We can't take much more of this," Taraea yelled to Acinonyx, "several of us have taken injuries!"

posted 11-15-98 12:10 AM EDT (US)            

"yeah, that doesn't happen to often..." reported Teraea.

"Well," said gonk, "I'm sure something esle totally unexpected will happen before we get back to drazen...

"Yeah, thats right..." said Justin, "hey, you know what... this story is beginning to sound like ST DS9... wehen the series started all the shows took place on the station... nowadays they barely ever get there..."

Amazingly enough they did make it back to Drazen... and a few months passed with nothing strange happening... Gonk turned 6, Sinc got drunk and was about to jump off a cliff when Jeff saved him, and then, one day, a wierd looking woman came to the door of the cantina... she took Wazzit in the arm and lead him off somewhere...

posted 11-15-98 12:10 AM EDT (US)            

Are you crazy? Are you mad? Are you insane? Well, then you've come to the right place! Visit the Drazen Institute for the Mentally Kaput, newly relocated from Bespin: The Cloud City! Yes, we have all the latest medicines to cure you of your insane ramblings and psychotic episodes. Just listen to these testimonials!

PATIENT #1: Pickles is good.

PATIENT #2: I'm a little teapot, short and stout, here is my handle, here is my... handle?! Dammit! I'm a sugarbowl!

PATIENT #3: What we do every night, try and take over the world!

Even a mentally unstable person could see that the services we offer are second to none!

Just call: 1-900-Drazenut

Act now and get a stylish jacket free!

*We now return you to your regularly schedualed NES*

posted 11-15-98 12:56 AM EDT (US)            

Jeff fell out of his chair. He walks over to Wazzit. "Are you ok? You want a beer?", he asks.

"No, I'm fine.", replies Wazzit.

"Hmmm... That's not like Wazzit at all...", says Sinc.

"Oh no! Not another clone!", yells Speak, readying the spork.

"No! I'm just not thirsty... well... now I am kinda' thirsty.", says Wazzit, grabbing the ale out of Jeff's hand and gulping it down.

"Ahhhhh... Much better. Why the hell are my pants undone?", he asks.

"I do no want to know.", says Entropy, returning to serving the other cantina patrons.

"Well. These have been a boring few months. What ever happened to the good 'ol days when adventure knocked on our door?", asks RBF.

"I dunno. But I have a feeling it's going to.", says Neb.

And as can be expected from the unoriginality of these posts, it did. It manifested itself in the form of none other than: Rifter!

"What the hell are you doing here?!?", screams Neb, extending the official Cantina greeting.

"I've managed to track down and kill the last of the FaelanJawoks. And I had heard that you boys haven't been busy since that whole saving the galaxy thing.", Rifter explains, "I have run into a little trouble with the
Imperials once again, so I thought I might be able to hang out here until everything blows over."

"Forget it! We've been trying to stay out of the Empire's way.", says JCBoath.

"Well this is the only place I could turn to. No other planet would have me.", says Rifter.

"Alright! Alright! It's not like we haven't harbored fugitives before.", Neb says, motioning towards the Drazenites.

Just then Jon C busts through the cantina door. "Guys! We have a situation!", he yells, "Follow me!"

Everyone rushes to the Drazen Control building. The control boards are all flashing like mad, with officers rushing here and there trying to make sense of it all. "What the hell is wrong Jon?", screams RBF over the noise.

"Well, it seems we have a Death Star orbiting the planet. They haven't hailed us as of yet, but they're probably looking for someone or something.", explains Jon.

"Damn! They must've tracked me!", yells Rifter, "I can't bring you guys into this! I have to settle this myself!"

Rifter rushes out of the building, and takes off in his fighter towards the Death Star. "Wait, everyone quiet! We're being hailed!", commands Neb.

"Drazen Isle defenders, stand down or be destroyed.", says the voice over the com link.

"Who do we know that works for the Empire and likes to overuse Death Stars?", asks Entropy.

"TOM SERVO AND CROW!", everyone screams in unison.

posted 11-15-98 01:13 AM EDT (US)            

Elbowing his way to the front of the group, Pax grabbed the head set. "I bet you do. Well, you're the dweeb with the Deathstar, so why don't you just blows us away?"

"We're going for a new image. Give us want we want and we won't atomize you."

"Lovely. You're nothing but bullies, bring it on." Slamming the head set down, Pax turned off the radio.

All the rest of the Drazenites stared at Pax. "What have you done," Jon demanded, "They've got a freaking Death Star!"

"Yeah," RBF agreed. "There's nothing we can do to stop that thing save piloting it into a sun or something."

"Don't worry," Pax assured them. "I have a plan."

"Why does this not make me feel any better?" Slug, who had started showing up during the long months off, mumbled from the rear.

Leading the group outside, Pax looked up at the Deathstar in orbit. Reaching out with the Force, Pax waited.

"They're firing!" ZoSo screamed.

"Got it," Pax said. Suddenly, a glowing purple portal opened in the sky, between the Deathstar and Drazen. A sister portal opened up beside the Deathstar. Then the Superlaser beam hit the first portal, and was instantly redirected through the other portal, hitting the Deathstar and blowing it to little tiny, non-dangerous bits that would never fall down and hurt Drazen.

Brushing his hands together, Pax looked at the others. "Well, that solves that. Next round of drinks are on me."

posted 11-15-98 12:52 PM EDT (US)            

"Yea, now lez go git them free drinks pax promised us" Sinc slurred

Our heroes return to the cantina, and decide to do what they've been doing for the past few months. They drink and chew the fat.

"...thank god it was just lint." Sinc finishes up his rather obscure and unneciserialy perverse story that no one was really listening to. "Great story sinc" ZoSo chimes in, rather sarcastically "Next"

"You know, it always amazes me that our little band of freedom fighters here have saved the galaxy numerous times, and we barely even know each other. The biggest mystery is our leader, jeff. He's the glue that holds us together. We blindly put our trust into him, and we know jack about him. Jeff, what's your story?" Pax said

"Um...er...well as you all know, I grew up on drazen, went to bespin, bought myself a bar, and them when it was destroyed came here, you know the rest..." Jeff said rather hastily

"Jeff... Is there something you aren't telling us? Like the stuff we don't already know!" RBF said

"Unfortuntly, I don't know anything from my childhood, all I know is that I was abandone here a long time ago, I've never had a family..." Jeff continued

The cantina was silent let alone for jeff. Entropy looks around the bar uneasily. His eyes fix on Jeff, he then swings around and his gaze falls upon Rifter, who seems to have tears welling up in his eyes. Entropy then swingsover and looks at jeff, then rifter, then jeff again... "Um... Guys, is it just me does Jeff look A LOT like Rifter?" Entropy saysin the middle of jeff's story

posted 11-15-98 07:02 PM EDT (US)            

"You're right," Rifter sighed drunkenly. "I am."

"Ok, that rules out twin and father," RBF recapped. "What else?"

"Sisters!" Wazzit shouted.

Just then, a woman's voice came from the door. "Is this the Cantina Cloud?"

All eyes turned toward the door, where a woman, her face hidden by a heavy cloak, stood regally.

"Hey, baby," Sinc slurred. "You wanna-"

"Quiet," the woman commanded as she lit a blue-green lightsaber.

"Uh," Pax muttered. "It's the long lost plot twist come back to haunt us..."

"Yes," the woman said as she slid off her cloak. "I'm Leia Organa-Solo, and I'm here to kill you all for murdering my husband!"

posted 11-15-98 08:34 PM EDT (US)            

"heyheyhey... it wasn't MY fault... I didn't know what that button would do..." he said, "besides, that ship saved us all from kessel, remember?"

"yeah, WE remember," stated Jeff, "but does she?" pointing at Leia.

"I say I'll do the best thing to do right now..." said Justin.

"Whats that?" asked ZoSo

"RUUUUUNNNNNNNNN!!!!!" yelled Justin0, as he hurried off to find somewhere to hide, Leia hot on his trail.

"Uh oh guys," said someone from behind who was looking at a control panel, "we got bigger problems."

"Whats that?" asked gonk

"New republic battle cruisers, 10 of them. All in low orbit... All guns are powered up..." he or she reported.

Leia came running back... "Find Justin0 and bring him to me or I'll level this entire planet..." she stated."

"And shes got the firepower to do it," growled Pax.

"Allright guys, we have no choice... split up and find Justin0, we'll give him to her, then try to rescue him after they've gone..." said RBF...

posted 11-15-98 09:25 PM EDT (US)            

Entropy looks at the others in his group "Dammit, I'm with Pax RBF and Rifter, why don't I just construct a giant neon sign that floats above us that says 'We like danger!' Why can't I go with the people I know that will just end up chilling in the cantina while veryone else does the work?"

"Can we just go? I don't like the idea of those things up there destroying the second cantina too." Pax said impatiently

"That little punk couldn't have gotten too far, let's hussle" RBF yells to the other while running in the direction justin0 left.

"He went this way, down this alley" Rifter yelled to the others "I just saw him"

The four run down the alley, turn a corner and find a dead end. No justin0 in site.

"Um..." Pax said

"I think we've been tricked guys" RBF said worriedly "Look up there"

The four tilt their heads to look up at the roof tops to see that they were surrounded by snipers.

"WTF did I say? I knew this was gonna happen, I bet everyone else is just taking their sweat ol time meandering around drazen, while we run half way across town to be f'n ambushed in a smell alley way but some pricks we don't even know!" Enmtropy complained "WHO THE F ARE YOU GUYS ANYWAYS! ANSWER ME!" Entropy yells

"Tsk tsk tsk... don't lose your temper" came a a calm voice from behind them

The group turned to see justin0, flanked by two heavily armed gaurds.

"Sigh... You fools never even knew what was going on. all these years of plotting, and I don't even have to do the dirty work myself. A pity really..." Justion said

"what are you talking about justin?" Rbf asked

"I had plans for this place, i really did. But those crusiers will do the work for me when they don't find me here." Justin0 continued as if in his own little world.

"What are you..." Pax tried to say

"Silence! If you must know, I am Justin0, the leader of the drazen underground. I was destine to rule before Jeff showed up, if i can't have drazen, NO ONE CAN! I have been plotting to destroy her, but like i've said, I no longer have the pleasure... Well, I have a transport to catch, enjoy eternity..." Justin said as he turned to leave "destroy tyhem"

posted 11-16-98 01:00 AM EDT (US)         

Justin pulls out a lightsaber and egnites it, and out comes a green blade with a purple core.

"What the hell, I didn't know he had a saber!" RBF yelled.

"I do now! Muhahahahahahaha"

The rest of the Drazen people hear the fight and rush to help. "Hey theres Justin!" Sinclair yelled. Justin looks down at Sinclair and raises his hand in a choke hold. Sinclair is lifted from the ground and starts to make choking noises. Wazzit, taking the oppertunity, grabs a bottle of ale from Sinclair's jacket and guzzles it down.

Jeff jumps on Justin and starts beating on him with his napkin holder, and the battle continues . . .

posted 11-16-98 01:11 AM EDT (US)            

Quickly, he taped into the raw core of the force, and in one mighty blast he pushed all of the Drazanites away from him.

He ran as fast as he could and jumped into a waiting shuttle.

"Fools! He yelled... "Now our beloved princesse will blow this isle outta the sea, and there is nothing you can do about. So long, my old friends..."

Speak raised his SPORK, pointing it at the retreating shuttle, a small explosion is heard, but the shuttle continued onward, flying up through the atmosphere, past the republic battlescruisers, and dissapearing into the fabrics of hyperspace.

"Blast!" yelled Jeff,"how are we going to get outta this one..." he sighed, then looks around for someone to blame, he saw gonk. "This is all your fault you dumb power droid. If it wasn't for you telling Justin0 to come to #cantina_cloud then he would have never talked to Jon, gotten his hands on NES1, and never have started posting here!"

"now, now jeff," said a scared gonk, "its not MY fault... ummm... blame zoso."

"WHAT!" yelled ZoSo... "You little rat!"

ZoSo jumped on top of Gonk, beating him nearly to death.

"Um, guys," said Taraea, "we got bigger problems... There are still 10 battlecruisers in orbit, and they are starting to look bored..."

** dont worry, I'll come back in a few posts and you can all beat the living &^@# outta me for getting you all in this mess... no, actually, its Ents fault for making me into this madman! **

posted 11-16-98 01:22 PM EDT (US)            

"Well, I guess that's it, then." Speak said. His sentance was punctuated by a bright red flash which was followed up with a sonic boom. The battle fleet opened fire. Another red beam lanced down from the orbiting cruiser formation, vaporizing the Drazen Hotel.

Leia appeared from around the corner, laughing. "It's all over for you murderers!" she yelled over the turbolaser blasts. "You will never survive this!"
"Yeah? Well... you're a poor leader!" Sinclair yelled, drunkenly.
"I take comfort that you will soon be dead. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a shuttle to catch." she replied.

"No, wait!" RBF yelled. "A shuttle carrying Solo's murderer escaped here." He pointed up at an area of the sky.
Leia took out a comlink and mumbled into it. A blue flash of an ion cannon lit up an area of space as the cruiser formation broke, obviously in pursuit of the runaway Justin0...

posted 11-16-98 01:48 PM EDT (US)            

"Jell-o.. why did it always have to be
Jell-o?"

the voice screamed to him...

posted 11-16-98 04:26 PM EDT (US)            

"Ok, hop in! And Jeff, I suggest you find some way to get off this island VERY quickly, those cruisers won't take much time to level this entire island.", says Cho'Koth, readying the TIE for takeoff.

As Cho'Koth's TIE disappears into the horizon, the Drazenites rush to the Drazen Hangar, or at least what used to be the Drazen Hangar. "Dammit! They took out all the ships but this shuttle and an A-Wing!", yells RBF.

"You guys get in the shuttle, I'll take the A-Wing.", orders Jeff.

"I'll go get my ship and follow you.", Rifter adds.

"Ok, just hurry!", yells Jeff, readying the A-Wing among the debris of the Hangar.

Rifter runs off to his ship, while RBF and Entropy ready the shuttle. "Stop right there!", yells one of Justin's troopers, apparently someone missed him.

The trooper volleys off three shots at the shuttle, damaging one of the landing thrusters on the aft and shorting a main circuit. *(You didn't think I'd let it be that easy, did you?)*

"Arrggh! Dammit! DIE!", yells Slug, hoisting his blaster and blowing a hole in the troopers skull.

Jon C heads out to check the damage to the shuttle. "Geez, this guy did a number.", he says, "We'll need at least 3 hours to fix this up."

"Oh well! When you guys are done I'll be at the Cantina testing the ale!", yells Wazzit, running to his favorite dive.

"Hey wait! I wanna' test the ale too!", slurs Sinc.

"I'm all prepped and ready to go. Do you guys want me to wait for you?", asks Jeff.

"No, go ahead, Cho'Koth and Gonk will need your help!", says Speak.

As Jeff's A-Wing heads off in pursuit of the maniacal Justin0, the Drazenites work to repair the shuttle as quickly as possible...

posted 11-16-98 06:26 PM EDT (US)            

With that, he ran back into the back room of the Cantina. He rummaged around until he found what he was looking for. He ran over to a large cabinet, and pulled out a really nasty-looking gun, and a few cartridges.

"I was really hoping it wasn't going to come to this, but..." he hissed as he ran back to the others.

"Matt, what in the heck is that?" the perplexed Drazenites asked. "Its a bad architecture rifle. It has a big long acronym, but I forgot it. Remember? From NeS part 1 (or was that 2)? Anyway, I got it off of a bad level author that I killed back on Bespin a long time ago."

After explaining it, he loaded it and peered through the scope at one of the battle cruisers that was pummeling Drazen.

"The worst possible death." Matt pulled the trigger, and the gun made let loose a huge ball of energy, as well as throwing Matt through the wall (or what was a wall at one point.)

The projectile connected with the Cruiser, and it was engulfed by a brilliant light. When the light subsided, the cruiser had become a big box, textured with grey with yellow stripes. The cruiser/box fell from the sky, leaving a trail of HOMing as it fell into the ocean.

"One down," Matt commented, as he reloaded his gun. As he aimed to fire again...

posted 11-16-98 07:39 PM EDT (US)            

"I say this shuttle is worth more then 2000 credits..." he complained.

"Weel two hundreed creedits is all I can geeve you" slurred the Selonian vendor.

"Fine, I'll take it..." said Justin0. He had landed just minutes ago on the planet Dunfan IV, and was attempting to sell his shuttle in order to cover his tracks. "Those drazenites are probobly after me right now... but they'll never find me *hint hint*. I'm sure they'll give up after a while" he thought.

Quietly he slouched and wandered outta the vendors store, 2000 credits in his pocket. He looked around the small port where he landed, a cantina, a store, and a starport... "normal looking city" he though.

He wandered over towards the cantina, stepping through the door he saw various beings sitting at different tables. He walked up to the bar and pulled up a stole, ordering an Correlian Ale...

"They'll never find me here..." he thought... "and if they do, I'll kill them..."

posted 11-16-98 09:50 PM EDT (US)            

"Is it prepared?" asked 00Mikey.

"just a few more adjustments" replied a scruffy sounding soldier.

"Excellent, then we will soon be ready" stated the general.

00Mikey departed from the spark filled chamber into his quarters. He went to the reflective, seemingly glowing desk in the corner. Sitting down, 00Mikey turned his chair outward, revealing a landscape of small white dots. Silence clouded the air. From within his pocket, he removed a glowing, red- orange ball, reminicent of a throwcrate.

"You, my little friend, will be the key to destroying Drazen." he said, with such a calmness you might think he was emotionless.

posted 11-17-98 12:17 AM EDT (US)            

"Was it really worth it?" Justin0 thought from his small flat on Dunfan... "By now the drazanite will have dealt with those rebel cruisers... they always do..." He sighed, "But is it really worth it... must I stay away for so long...?"

He got up and wandered across the room, to his desk. He sat down and stared blankly at the picture in the mirror. It was of him, and the drazenites... Gonk, the little power droid... Justin sighed and shook his head... And then there was Wazzit, and Sinc for that matter, who always seemed to be drunk. He laughed bitterly at the thought...

And then there was Justin himself. Standing in the midst of it all, a smile on his face... What good days those had been, when he'd been able to say he was a good drazenite. Before that jeff'w guy came...

He sighed again and got up to move towards his bed... "The new republic will be sending more ships... and they wont stop until Drazen is destroyed..." he thought. Strange, though he had planned the destruction of Drazen with so much precision, that a simple, push of a button, on the mellinium falcon, would lead to a huge plot twist that would end Drazen once and for all...

He layed down and closed his eyes. Yet he could not sleep, there was something, on the edge of his mind, that was troubling him. He looked up at the roof and eventually fell asleep...

posted 11-17-98 09:29 AM EDT (US)            

Throwing down their tools, the Drazenites shouted, "Look, it's the Storm Runner."
and
"I thought it was destroyed?"
and
"Ah, screw this!"

They ran to the town square where the Storm Runner landed (somehow...), just as Pax and AC came down the ramp.

"When did this thing get fixed?" Matt said as he ran up, still clutching the BAR obsessively.

AC shrugged. "I don't know, it was a long time ago, but I remember it happening."

"Good enough for me," ZoSo said as and the other's headed towards the ramp.

"Do us a favor," AC asked. "Give us a recap on what's going on."

"Ah, all right," RBF said as he counted them off on his fingers. "Justin0, the killer of Han Solo, fled in a shuttle. Cho'Koth and Gonk, in Cho's TIE Advanced, took off after them. Jeff took off in an A-Wing, and Rifter took off in his ship. We don't know where any of them are at the moment."

Pax nodded. "Ok, well, Leia will no doubt be back with reinforcements, so we'd better leave Drazen so they don't have a reason to vaporize it."

posted 11-17-98 01:31 PM EDT (US)            

"Good idea," said Pax.

posted 11-17-98 04:21 PM EDT (US)            

"About time you guys got here, we were s