posted December 08, 1998 11:35 PM EDT (US)        

As the -ites rushed toward the zombietroops, the foursome turned towards the door. "Ok, that's kinda creepy looking," Aci remarked at the large gray rectangle in the center of the doorway. The door slowly swung open, and they stepped into the darkness. RBF readied the DHS, Jeff hefted his napkin holder, Aci unholstered his slicer rifle, and Pax, well, he had his wits.

Suddenly, the lights flashed on in the room,and they saw the nonPax standing on a dais in the center. In front of him were four of the most grotesque creatures any of the group had ever seen. They were disgustingly misproportioned, their arms and legs incredibly small for their bodies and heads, from the tops of which some strange appendage grew.

"Oh god," RBF's eyes grew wide as a nonPax said "Now, time's up."

Pax glanced up at the ceiling. "I don't see him anywhere."

RBF stared at the advancing creatures. "Oh god," he said, taking a step back. "They're....teletubbies."

"Well then," Aci said. "It's time for teletubbie bye-bye." he blasted one of the genetic freaks with his rifle, slicing it in half. The other three were similarly eliminated, and the group advanced towards Pax.

"Now, I know that there's probably some bizarre Dark Crystal story about how Pax got split in two, but quite frankly, Scarlett, I don't give a damn," Jeff said, as he lept at nonPax and began beating him with the napkin holder. With an explosion, and the cliche scream of pain from Jeff, who was sent flying through the air, RBF and Aci were knocked off the dais, leaving only Pax and nonPax.

posted December 09, 1998 12:08 AM EDT (US)            

Everyone got a confused look on their face. "OK, I'll bite" Jeff said "I know I probably don't want to know, and probably want to hear your explantion even less, but, what the hell was that?"

"Oh, that was Doke, my Furby." Entropy said nonchalantly "Shall we be going?"

"Wait, hold up... First off, where the hell did you get a furby, and second...wait, no i don't want to know why it's screaming douche bag and sut..." Acin inquired

Pax, with a stunned look on his face said "They sell those things to kids?"

"Oh, they blood thirst beastial rampage it just went on? I got sick of teaching it to insult people, and decided it was annoying as all hell, so i tossed it away in a drawer. I took it out for the occasional flogging, or to scream at it. Who knew it'd grow balls and become a psycho? Funny, my parents did the same thing to me, and i came out normal... Woo hoo, guess i have a trade marked weapon now!"

Jeff sighed "I knew i didn't want to know, funny thing is, i was expecting worse... Shall we get moving now?"

posted December 09, 1998 09:50 PM EDT (US)            

"I dunno," Jeff said, "but just wait a few seconds, I'm sure some zany new enemy will be around any time."

Just then there was a huge explosion overhead.

"There it is, right on time," Jeff said, "Shall we go see what it is?"

The group nodded, and exited the temple.

posted December 10, 1998 06:03 PM EDT (US)            

"Well, you made a goog guess," AC replied. "Because they look a lot like those things."

Pax shrugged. "Whatever."

From the swirling group of pokemon's, Schmuch laughed insanely. "You are mine!"

Just then, the rest of the group besides Pax, AC, Jeff and RBF, who had been fighting zombie Stormtroopers, came in behind the pokemon's, took one look, then preceded to level their weaponry and annihilate them.

"I just love a happy ending," Pax grinned.

posted December 11, 1998 11:14 PM EDT (US)            

The Pokemon animals, without their evil leader, turn to run. "Stop them!", yells Jeff.

The Drazenites surround the furry, stuffed freaks and grab their weapons. Much firing and screaming is heard, and the entire is soon decorated with Pokemon innards. "Well, that was fun. Now, who wants to kill Schmuck?", says RBF.

"ME!!! MEEE!!! MEEEEEEE!", yells Gonk.

"Calm down, silly power droid. Did anyone see where Schmuck went?", asks Entropy.

posted December 11, 1998 11:17 PM EDT (US)            

RBF shook his head to clear the buzzing in his mind. "Whew. What was that?"

"Some kind of teleportation," Pax blinked, "Though nothing like mine."

"Better question then," AC spoke up. "Where are we now?"

ZoSo looked up and down the hall. "When in doubt, snoop around."

So the Drazenites split up, each wandering down the hall. Gonk, quietly gonking to himself, walked into a darkened control room where a pair of twitcy Imperial weapons techs sat by their targeting devices.

"Dude, I wanna shot him! Heh heh... kaboom, heh heh he..."

"No, dumbass, we're supposed to hold our fire until Lord Vader clears out the trench."

"But... but... I am Clamshell Head! I need to shoot down X-Wings... heh heh Die!"

"Calm down, butt wipe. It won't be long until the guys upstairs blow away the rebel base. That'll be cool."

"Yeah, yeah, heh heh heh... KABOOM!"

After listening to his for a moment, Gonk decided he had to take the two out. So with a nerve-wracking "GONK!," the droid charged the duo. The first tech pied in his pants, but the more neurotic one twitched on the trigger, blowing the X-Wing on the scanner to little bits. "Ehehehheheh! I blew up the X-wing, I blew up the X-Wing... heh heh - arrrrrrrrrrggggh!" he screamed as Gonk killed him.

Meanwhile, somewhere else, Pax and RBF looked out the viewport at a familiar site. "Rather Yavinish, ain't it?" Pax commented.

Just then, a huge shaft of green light shot through space, striking the green orb and blowing it into little tiny microns.

"Nope," RBF replied. "Not anymore."

posted December 11, 1998 11:44 PM EDT (US)            

"I've got a bad feeling about this..." said Pax.

"I think I've got what just happened..." said someone, "That planet we just saw get blowed up was Yavin 4... and we are on the Death star..."

Of course, everyone else had figured that out by now, so that person was ignored...

"Then... what does that mean for us...?" asked ZoSo.

"Those who were part of the Rebellion will start to dissapear..." said Wazzit.

Suddenly, the death star lurched, Pax looked out the window. "Hey, thats the..."

"Millenium Falcon" finished Wazzit... "Didn't we crash that into a jungle planet or something?"

"Yeah dummy, but this is the past... and Han Solo still has a chance of blowing this place apart! Lets get outta here!"

The Drazenites ran down the halls search of some form of escape while the Millenium Falcon closed on the exaust port...

posted December 12, 1998 12:00 AM EDT (US)            

"Quick!" RBF said, "let's get to a turbo laser tower!"

The group ran down the corridors until they came to one of the massive towers. The door sid open to reveal two imperial gunners, with the turbo laser targeting the falcon. Just before they could fire, Pax's saber sliced one of them into two pieces, and ZoSo's sword shot right through the other's head.

"Quick!" Pax yelled, "we have to target those TIEs!"

posted December 12, 1998 12:53 AM EDT (US)            

* * Grand Moff's chamber * *

"What the hell are those tubro lasers doing!?" Yelled Grand Moff.

A general walks in, "It seems that a small group of rebels have taken over a turbo laser tower. Shall I send a strike team to deal with them?"

"No, I'll deal with them myself." Grand Moff stands and walks towards the Turbo Laser Tower taken over by Drazenites.

* * Turbo Laser Tower * *

"Watch out RBF! There's a Tie Fighter on your side thats got a lock on a X-Wing!" Pax yells.

"I got it." RBF blasts the Tie Fighter into a million pieces.

The elevator shaft opens.

Wazzit looks back at the elevator doors opening. "Guys, we have company."

posted December 12, 1998 03:01 PM EDT (US)            

"WOOOHOOOOO!!!! SEE YOU IN HELL IMP!" Entropy yelled as he watches the bright green spear of energy coming in contact with it's intended target, a Tie intercepter who's wreckasge falls uppon another tie fighters, sending it tumbling into the side of the trench.

Tarkin cleared his throat.

"Hey, why guys guys stop shooting?"

The rest of the drazenites sit in awe. "Um, Ent, et your hand off that trigger and turn around." Pax told him

"Yea, one sec..." Entropy said

Tarkin walks over to where Entropy is sitting, grabs his chair and spins him around. Entropy's sleeve gets caught on the trigger and lets loose two qucik laser blasts.

"Oh shi...." Rbf says under his breathe as he and the other drazanites watch those stray blasts clip the wing of an x-wing with five red strips on the wing. The xwing starts an uncontroled spin downward, it finally comes to rest after smashing against the wall of the trench.

posted December 14, 1998 12:14 AM EDT (US)            

"Thats right, Gonk blew it up..." said Pax.

**meanwhile, somewhere between conciousness and some other word I cant spell**

"What the hell?" asked Justin0.

"Where are we...?" asked Jeff.

"Whats that smell" asked Nebula.

"That is the smell of paradoxes" said a menacing figure beside Gonk. "We have all been trapped here because some sort of paradox snuffed us out of existance..."

"Who the hell are you?" asked Nebula.

"I am... I am... I cannot remember who I am..." stumbled the figure. "I have been here so long..."

**soon, back on the Death Star**

"Hey looks, there he goes again!" yelled Wazzit

The Drazenites looked up as Red 5 flew down the tranch towards the exaust port...

posted December 14, 1998 07:11 PM EDT (US)            

"Whoa," ZoSo said, "yeah, this is screwed up, now we're seeing things."

"Ahem," Tarkin said, motioning towards them with his blaster.

"Oh, sorry," Pax said. Suddenly he swung his artificial arm at the old Moff sending him sprawling to the ground unconscious.

"There now," Pax said, "We'll just wait here until SOMEONE blows up the death star."

"Um, Pax," RBF said nervously, "aren't you forgetting something?"

"I don't think so...." Pax said.

"WE'RE ON THE DEATH STAR!!!!" the group yelled.

"Oh well," Pax said, "it will be worth it. We'll be bravely sacrificing our own lives for the good of the galaxy, bravely charging into the realm of death, knowing that we helped save--"

Suddenly, Pax realized he was alone.

posted December 14, 1998 10:34 PM EDT (US)            

Back on the planet Spit, Pug Dog was attending an Imperial Garage Sale at an Imperial outpost, hoping to find some cheap lampshades and maybe some nice curtains to go with his apartment on Earth.
Searching around for a little while, Pug Dog finally purchased a new set of golf clubs (His dad wants some for Christmas) and a used Eclipse-class Star Destroyer.

After fueling up and painting "Alluminum Mallard" on the side of his hulking new ship, (It took quite a while) Pug set off to the Death Star. His force sense told him that his friends were in danger, and needed to be rescued. What better way is there to test drive a new Eclipse?

Upon arriving at the Death Star, he proceeded to...

posted December 15, 1998 12:58 AM EDT (US)            

Meanwhile, Pax caught up with the rest of the remaining Drazenites. "Do you guys know where you're going, or are you just running?"

ZoSo paused, then looked at Pax. "You're making too much sense. Don't make me put you in Other with Cho'Koth."

Pax sighed. "Let's think, there's got to be a quick way off a Death Star." Suddenly, the Drazenites began sparkling again. "Oh," Pax said, "This'll work..."

There was a flash of light, and suddenly they were all back in Drazen Isle. RBF scratched his head. "That was interesting."

Just then, a band of Stormtroopers came around the corner. "Halt in the name of the Emperor!"

posted December 15, 1998 02:47 PM EDT (US)            

A lone, hooded figure sat on a throne in a large room filled with machinery. In the low lighting, you could just make out the deep crimson glow of eyes below the hood. The evil in the room was palpable.

A grizzled little man, obviously a servant of the hooded figure, approached cautiously. "My Lord, the cantina patrons have returned to Drazen Isle, 100 years in the future."

"Excellent, excellent - everything is going according to my plan. Soon the entire galaxy will be mine to command! MWUAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!"

<* Meanwhile, back on Drazen *>

The cantina patrons opened up on the troopers, quickly mowing them down with no thought whatsoever about what killing a large group of people from the past would have on the timeline.

After dispatching the troopers, they decided to go to the cantina to decide what to do about Jeff and the others who had disappeared on the Death Star in the past. As they rounded a corner, however, they were shocked to see the entire island swarming with Imperials! Troopers, officers, and techs were all over the place...

As the drazenites ducked behind some conveniently placed crates, RBF said "What the hell is going on here!??!"

"We must have changed the timeline somehow when we were in the past," said JCBoath (finally making a long overdue reappearance in the story ), "probably by preventing the Death Star from being blown up by the rebellion; the Empire must have won the war. We've got to go back and set things right somehow." "But how?" said Entropy.

<* Meanwhile, in the "Nothingness" outside space and time (which smelled uncomfortably like a cross between a sewer and the ruffled panties Fuurgh is dating *>

Jeff, Nebula, Justin0 and the others were exploring, when they came upon a large circular portal on a wall. "I wonder what this is," said Jeff. "I sure could use a beer," said Sinc. As if in response to Sinc's statement, the portal sort of 'belched out' a six-pack of corellian ale. "Wow, great!" said Sinc, as he guzzled one of the beers. "Hey," said Neb, "maybe we can use this thing to get out of here. Take us to Drazen," he said to the portal. Nothing happened. "Guess not," he said. Then Gonk had an idea. "Show us the rest of the -ites," he said. A picture wavered into existence on the screen of Pax and the others hiding behind a stack of crates, while imperial troops walked by. "What the hell happened?" said Nebula. "Something must have happened to the timeline while we were on the death star in the past," said Jeff. "OK, I've got another idea," said Gonk. "Show us who or what is behind all this," he said to the portal. It responded with a picture of the strange hooded figure mentioned in the beginning of this incredibly long and rambling post. It also gave coordinates of the space station. "Great work, Gonk. Now what do we do about it? We can't get out of here!" said Jeff. "Wait, 4-GOM is with the others - maybe I can try to get a message thru to him..."

<* Back on Drazen *> 4-GOM suddenly extended an antenna from his head. "I'm recieving a faint transmission from Gonk," he said. "Something about who's behind this - and coordinates." "Good, they're alive then," said Pax, "anything else in the message?" "No, I just lost the transmission," said 4-GOM. "Well, let's get going - first step is to steal a ship, since the Storm Runner probably doesn't even exist anymore in this timeline - I guess," said Pax.

posted December 15, 1998 09:20 PM EDT (US)            

"Whoa, hehe," he said, "this is some heavy shit. I just had some weird ass drug induced fantasy. Hmm...I'm gonna go get some Doritos. Hey, I wonder what's going on with those Drazenites...."

***ON DRAZEN, completely disregarding JCboath's drug induced post***

The drazenites were surrounded by troopers.

"Dammit!" ZoSo yelled, realizing that surrender was the only option.

"Well," Pax said, "so much for our adventuring days."

They were led into a large prison complex and brought before the commander of this island, who was none other than this reality's Admiral Thrawn.

posted December 15, 1998 09:23 PM EDT (US)            

"Great, lucky me."

"So what does old man Palpy have against us anyway?" RBF asked.

"Palpy?" Thrawn repeated uncertainly. "Ah, you mean Emperor Palpatine. I'm afraid you've somehow been misinformed. Emperor Tarkin now holds the throne."

Just then, the door to Thrawn's chambers opened and a young leiutenant entered. "Sir? The Death Star has arrived, and the Emperor commands a viewing of the prisoners."

Thrawn took the information in and nodded to the prisoners. "Apparently, you've been granted a temporary stay of execution. But now it will probably hurt much more..."

It wasn't long until the prison-ites found themselves lined up before a landing pad. A mark two shuttled flew overhead before settling down on the pad. The ramp opened, and a plethora of red-armored Dark Troopers came down the ramp, followed by Emperor Tarkin wearing a helmetless set of Dark Trooper armor.

The massively armored Tarkin clombed toward the prisoners, sheer hatred on his face. He went down the line until he saw Pax, then grabbed the cyborg by his throat and lifted him in the air. "You," Tarkin said in a grating robotic voice. "You are the one that caused my brain damage, when you knocked me out twenty years ago. You, then, will be the first to suffer my wrath..."

posted December 15, 1998 10:08 PM EDT (US)            

"Uhm, RBF," Acinonyx said, "There's a bunch of Imperial troops surrounding us, Tarkin is holding Pax by the throat, and there's a Death Star in orbit around us. Your talking is bad."

"Yes, but you forget. Since the Empire defeated the Rebellion, none of KJA's storylines ever took place. Which is good. Unfortunately, it also means that Tarkin must have defeated Palpy, which most likely ticked him off very much, and-"

"RBF, where exactly is this train of thought going?" Acin asked.

"Train of thought? I'm just babbling," RBF said.

Tarkin looked at the two of them. "Silence, fools!"

"What is it with you bad guys and the word 'fool'? Is it like some twisted fetish? Speaking of which, have you heard of Fuurgh? He's got this thing for ruffled panties-"

"SHUT UP RBF!" The prison-ites screamed in unison.

"Thank you," Tarkin looked back to Pax. "Now, you will be the first to suffer my wrath. At least, as long as there aren't any of the famous NeS plot twists."

posted December 16, 1998 12:39 AM EDT (US)            

Pax ran as fast as possible from the heavily armored Tarkin, who promptly grabbed him with a tractor beam built into his arm.

"I see you got the expensive model." said Pax, "CD player?"
Tarkin replied, "Why yes it's right... SHUTUP!! Now my plans will have to change slightly."

Whilst Tarkin was speaking and clutching Pax, Pug Dog, blackened from the explosion, emerged from the wreck.
"woof".

"I guess I'll just have to kill you myslef right now!" said Tarkin.
"No no, you said it wrong. It's myself. It's like saying nuke-u-ler. Some people just hate that." stated RBF.

And again said the prison-ites "SHUTUP!"

posted December 16, 1998 09:34 AM EDT (US)            

Geez, I didn't spend like 20 minutes writing that damn post or anything, Void! Thanks a lot. I know it rambled a little, but did I really deserve a comparison to Weedsmoker? Sheesh!

posted December 16, 1998 05:55 PM EDT (US)            

Speak proceeded to pull a milk bone from his pkcet and tosses it towards pug. A gaurd saw speak reach into his pocket and quickly hit him in the back with their cattle prodesk staves. This sent the milk bone hurling away from it's intended mark, landing in entropy's backpack. Pug being the good little dog he is lept for entropy's backpack, ripping it free. Upon impaxt witht eh groud a wooden box fell from the pack and smashed open.

"Shit!" Entropy yelled as he dove behind RBF.

A black whirling cloud of fur appeared, from within the center blood thirst screams of "SUT" and "DOUCHE BAG" could be heard.

posted December 17, 1998 11:47 PM EDT (US)            

"Bah," Tarkin winced. "Stupid implants make them loyal, but not too bright. Find that thing and finish it off quickly! I don't want any further interruptions."

The two remaining troopers looked hesitantly over the body of the third, when suddenly Doke lept from the fallen helmet at the second guard.

"Enough games," Tarkin growled. "Into the building, I want to deal with you all quickly and at once."

"Isn't that redundant?" Pax asked from Tarkin's vice-like grip.

"For that, you can be terminated immediately!"

"I've heard that line before," Pax replied, swinging his leg up to kick Tarkin in the face.

"Augh!" the Emperor cried, dropping Pax and backpedaling, his hands holding his head.

Just then, a strangely familiar transport flew overhead, a squadron of X-Wings right behind.

"Let's go guys!" Speak said, turning to run down the street.

"Hey, do you realize who that is up there in that ship?" Pax yelled as they ran. "It may well be the only person in this timeline who knows how to blow up the Death Star!"

"Oh really," RBF pondered. "Makes me wonder where Pug and the escape pod came from then..."

posted December 18, 1998 02:00 AM EDT (US)            

"Hey, dat a good question!" said someone else.

"Ahh well... hey! Where'd everyone go!?"

Someone grabbed him from behind and pulled him up against a wall...

Wazzit looked down to see the majoridy of the Drazenites laying on the ground, faces pale white, smoking holes through their backs. All but Wazzit, Sinclair and ZoSo were laying dead on the ground...

Tarkin was standing over Pax's smoking body, a large smile on his metalic face...

"Lets get outta here!" Yelled ZoSo.

They ran...

*meanwhile, in that place everyone forgot... between time and whatever, y'know what I'm talking about*

Justin gasped, staring at the picture portal thing. "They killed everyone!"

"No, look... ZoSo, Wazzit and Sinc got away..." said Jeff.

"What was that ship that flew over?" asked Gonk

"Looked like the Falcon." Said Justin, shrugging.

Suddenly a large, commanding voice came from beside them: "Step into the portal."

Shrugging, Jeff, Justin, Nebula and Gonk stepped into the portal-- and landed next to a running Zoso.

"Ouch.. oh, hi guys..." said Justin.

Stormtroopers were closing in from behind.

"Come on, get up! Somehow we have to get the Han Solo... and get him to take up back in time..."

"How?" asked Wazzit simply

posted December 18, 1998 11:45 PM EDT (US)            

The last seven living Drazenites started to continue their run down the alley, Emperor Tarkin's legions closing in from behind, when all of a sudden, a series of explosions rocked the town. Running out into a main street, our heroes were surprised to see the X-Wings criss crossing the street, bombing the hell out of Drazen Isle.

"They're trying to take out Tarkin!" Nebula realized.

Grabbing Justin0 by the collar, ZoSo lifted him up into the air. "You ready to join the rest of our buddies in the Force?"

"Zose, don't," Jeff said, putting his hand on the Voidster's shoulder. "We'll need all the help we can get."

ZoSo grimaced, but threw J0 to the ground. "And you'd better help, all right," he growled.

"Let's think," Jeff said. "As strange a concept as that is. If the X-Wings are here to bomb Tarkin out, why is the Falcon here?"

"To transport someone?" Wazzit ventured.

"Sounds like as good a reason as any," Jeff nodded. "But who?"

"There's only one person I know of here of any importance," Nebula said.

"Thrawn."

posted December 19, 1998 05:39 PM EDT (US)            

"Solo's a traitor?" Jeff said to himself.

"Looks that way," ZoSo said, "now come on, we'd better catch up with them."

"Aw crap," Sinclair said in disgust, "it's taking off!"

"Quick!" Jeff yelled, pointing to a nearby shuttle, "get to that shuttle!"

"Um," ZoSo said, "where the hell did that come from?"

"I don't know," Jeff said, running towards it, "apparently this galaxy has the same abundance of these things as ours."

ZoSo and the others shrugged and ran after Jeff.

***ON THE FALCON***

"Sir," Commander Solo said to Thrawn, "Are you expecting further escort?"

"No," Thrawn said cooly.

"Then we have trouble, because we just picked up a shuttle on our tail. Should I dispose of them?"

"No time," Thrawn said, "we have to get back to Bespin as soon as possible."

***on the shuttle craft***

"They're preparing to jump to hyperspace!" Wazzit yelled

"Where are they headed?" Jeff said, rushing to the cockpit.

"Um, you're not going to believe this, but, Bespin."

"Follow them."

posted December 19, 1998 05:55 PM EDT (US)            

"You look uneasy, jeff" zoso said

"It's just...sigh...It's been so long, and things have obviously changed, I don't know if I can stand going back there after all that has happened. I mean, how many times have I lost my home, to come back and find it even more screwed up then before? sigh..." said Jeff

The shuttle dropped out of hyperspace to reveal the orange gaseous planet below. The crew stood watching in awe.

"Jeff, the falcon has already set down. I'm in contact with the flight control right now and ordering us to land in a section of the city that's familiar to us..." Said Zoso

"Take her down" Jeff ordered

The crew landed and decided to walk to the section of the city where the falcon is located.

"Hey, this route will take us right by the cantina! can we stop in and get some drinks, jeff?" Wazzit pleaded

"No!" replied Jeff

The group walked in silence until the came across the spot where the cantina cloud once stood. BUt there was no cantina cloud, the building was there, but instead of the neon sign reading the cantina cloud, it read time's bar.

Jeff collapsed to his knees, his face filled with agony, the tears began to flow. The sky opened up and let loose rain. Left arched his back and screamed towards the heavens "NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!"

posted December 19, 1998 08:12 PM EDT (US)            

"I DO NOT like this universe" noted Wazzit.

"C'mon... Lets check this out" said ZoSo.

They proceeded towards the bar. ZoSo glanced at Justin. "You... Time doesn't know you... but he MIGHT know us from all those anti-Time rallies."

Without waiting for Justin to speak, ZoSo pushed him through the door.

----

The patrons looked up and someone dived through the door.

"Who the hell are you!?" Asked a winged figure at the back. He stepped into the light.

"Void!?" said Justin.

posted December 19, 1998 08:34 PM EDT (US)            

The drazenites scattered in various directions. ZoSo ran into the bar that in there universe was the Cantina.

"Everyone out!" he yelled to the two or three people in the bar. They quickly rushed out of the bar.

Suddenly the bar's door blew open, and a group of troopers rushed in.

"Surrender at once!" the leader of the squad yelled.

"No," ZoSo said, "I'm tired of giving up....."

Suddenly he lept into the middle of the group, swinging his sword wildly.

From outside, the rest of the group saw the inside of the bar explode into a sea of laser fire, that ended when the troopers charged out of it, running towards the remaining drazenites.

"Quick!" Jeff yelled, "into these speeders!"

Jeff, Sinc, wazzit and gonk and Nebula jumped into one speeder, while Justin0 jumped into one of his own. As the two speeders took off, they looked behind them to see the stormies jumping on speeders of their own.

The Drazenites raced through the city, dodging pedestrians and buildings all the way. Suddenly a shot from one of the imperial speeders smashed into the engine of Jeff's speeder, sending it and it's passengers crashing violently into a building. Justin0, the last surviving drazenite, turned down an alley and brought his speeder to a stop.

"Hey, what's this thing?" he asked himself as he approached what appeared to be a spinning vortex in the side of a building.

"STOP RIGHT THERE!" a storm trooper yelled after him.

"Uh oh..." Justin0 yelled, "well, this is as good of a way as any to find out what this is...." He leaped into the portal, and immerged in a dark room full of control panels, with a man in a cloak standing in the center of it.

"Good, good, you're here," the man said, "I've been waiting for you."

"Who are you?" Justin0 asked.

"I am the keeper of time and space," the man said, "or rather, I'm the one who makes sure that time and space don't get mixed up and screw up the whole universe."

"Well gee," Justin0 said, "you're doing a great job...."

"Oh shut up," the cloaked man said, "do you want to help your friends or not?"

"All of my friends just died thanks to your little blunder!" Justin0 yelled.

"Yes, but they'll be back if you help me." the cloaked man said, "Now, a power cube was stolen from me earlier, causing all realities to colide. Get back the power cube, and everything will be set right again. it will be like nothing ever happened."

"Okay, so where is this 'Power cube'?"

"I'm not sure," the cloaked man said, "it's somewhere in here...."

posted December 19, 1998 09:07 PM EDT (US)            

All of a sudden, he stoped, it was dark, all around him was an inky darkness, it went on forever. In front of him was a free standing door. There was nothing behind it or next to it.

"Ah, what the hell?" Justin said to himself, and opened the door. Throw the doorway he saw what appeared to be a field of red roses, in the center of the field lay a huge black tower. He stepped through the door.

"Screw this, not another one of these things!" Said a a man in ragged clothing, the man was carrying a woman with no legs.

"You have forgottent he face of your father Eddie" Said another man to the other man. This man was dressed like a cowboy, and was missing a few fingers.

"Listen to him honey" Said the woman to the man carring her. She turned to justin "Looks like you're part of this now dear." The woman said "Let me intorduce ourselves, I'm susan, this her is my man eddie, that over there is roland" she said pointing to the cowboy "and that is jake and oy" she said poiting to a young boy and his pet, which looked like a racoon.

"OK..." said justin "where you guys heading? that tower?"

"yes" said the cowboy

"what's in there?" asked jake

"it's a very important place, we don't know what is in there but what ever it is it controls our world and our lives and our destinies" replied the cowboy

"yup, that should be the place i'm looking for."

posted December 19, 1998 09:39 PM EDT (US)            

Justin looked to the sky. "Is that you God?"

"No, this is Stephen King. Get out of my story!"

"Love to!" J0 yelled back. Suddenly, another portal opened below him, sending him screaming down another tunnel of darkness. He landed on a beach, surrounded by women in bikinis. "Hey, this is more like it," Justin grinned.

"Mitch! That guy just fell out of the sky! Him, that funny looking guy!"

Standing, Justin looked around, spotting a blonde with big tookas and a buff guy with dark hair. Scratching his head, he asked, "Have you seen a power cube around here?"

'Mitch' gave him a funny look. "A what?"

Just then, another portal opened beneath J0. "Uh, nevermiiiiiiiiiiiiiind... OOOFF!" Rubbing his sore rump, Justin stood, finding himself looking at the huge front gate to a black marble castle. He craned his head upward, but couldn't see the top. Shrugging to himself, Justin0 walked to the gate and knocked. Slowly, the sqeaky door swung open, making the hairs on the back of Justin's head stand on end.

He stepped inside the darkened interior, finding it a dim room with double staircases leading upwards. Cautiously, Justin started up the staircase on the right, finding a long corridor at the top. He started walking down it, and soon discovered a transparent pillar filled with fog in the middle of the hall.

Justin0 pressed his face to the clear material, then jumped back when the mist inside suddenly began to coalesce. A shiver went through Justin's body as Pax's agonized face formed, then flowed away into the fog.

Justin cirlced the pillar nervously, then continued down the hall, soon spotting another pillar. As he passed it, Taraea's face briefly formed. He began to run, the next pillar showing Wazzit's screaming, contorted visage. Each pillar showed one of the Drazenites in agony, and soon Justin was running down the hall, his hands covering his eyes.

And then, suddenly, Justin hit a step down, and staggered to keep his balance. Opening his eyes, he looked down to find he was standing on the edge of a walkway overlooking boiling lava. Rapidly stepping back, Justin0 scanned the cavernous room in awe.

It was a ring-shaped room with a lava-filled pool in the middle, four crossbeams leading to a central island with a pedistal in the middle.

And on that pillar, a shining cube sat serenely.

"Welcome to my domain," boomed a voice through the chamber. A very familiar voice.

"Da - Darkness?" Justin0 squeaked.

"Very good," the voice replied. "Tell me, how does it feel to be a villain?"

"It, ah, feels ok," Justin answered. "Where are we?"

"Hell, of course, where else would you expect me to be? It's a dreadful exsistance, but, of course, once I managed to steal this Power Cube from the Keeper, I found I could get revenge on those that sent me here."

"So I guess I'm next?" Justin squeaked.

Darkness laughed. "I have no reason to slay a brother in arms, do I?"

Justin half turned to look at the closest pillar; Jeff's pleading face swished through the mist. "No, I guess not," Justin said weakly.

"I have a job for you, Justin," the Darkness announced. "I will send you back to your world, and you will conquer it in my name."

"Me?"

"Yes, you will have power, wealth, women, beyond your wildest dreams. Join me."

"I don't know..."

"Don't be weak, fool!" Darkness boomed. "This is everything you wanted, everything you sought while you fought those cursed Drazenites. How can you turn down what I freely give to you?"

Justin looked at Jeff again. "What about them?"

Darkness laughed. "Why, they will spend an eternity in unimaginable agony of course. What else could you ask for for our mutual antangonists?"

Justin0 grimaced. "No, I can't do it." Stepping forward onto one of the catwalks, Justin walked toward the power cube.

"WHAT?!!!" Suddenly, the bridge began crumbling beneath Justin's feet. He ran toward the end, each step sending bits of marble falling into the lava. Sensing he wasn't going to make it, Justin lept for the altar, catching it with his fingertips as the rest of the catwalk disolved into the lava. "YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS BETRAYAL!!!" The lava began boiling and bubbling, spraying molten rock onto Justin's feet. Gritting his teeth, the tried to pull himself upward. He grabbed at the power, missed. Tried again...

Justin0 suddenly found himself sitting in the Cantina, the rest of the Drazenites sitting around the bar. Justin blinked, looked at everyone, and laughed.

At once, the cantina patrons realized what had happend and all shouted, "I'm buying him a drink!"

posted December 19, 1998 11:51 PM EDT (US)            

Twelve bowls of soup, two sandwhiches, and three bantha steaks later...

Fuurgh swallowed another mouthful and licked his lips. Still hungry, he searched his wallet for more credit chips but found it empty. Gazing longingly at the food being prepared for other patrons, he began begging for scraps.

"Ohhh, man, this stuff is great" He mumbled between mouthfuls of Acinonyx's plate of food. Suddenly, however, the food went sour in his mouth. Spitting out his half-chewed dinner, Fuurgh suddenly swooned and fell onto the bar. Heaving for breath, he felt his gut churn wildly. "Heeelp mee..." he choked out, grasping at invisable demons in spasms. He heaved twice, and after a sickening poping noise was heard, his shirt ran red with blood. Red fluids trickled from his nose and mouth as his eyes rolled up in his head, and in a mighty spasm of moving flesh and a spray of intestines and blood, his chest gave way and exploded in a shower of flesh and bodily liquids. The nearest patrons cried out in horror as bits of Fuurgh splashed onto them, and yelled out yet again noticing the hissing, screatching form that lifted itself from the fallen Fuurgh's gut. It flicked it's tail and lept down onto the ground. Hissing it's defiance at the patrons as it ran past, it scuttled off into the shadows.

All the other patrons stood stunned, gaping at the carcass of Fuurgh and not knowing how to react at what had just happened. All of them but Pax, who pulled out his rifle, loaded it, and stepped out of the crowd of astonished patrons.

"Let's kill this son of a..."

posted December 20, 1998 12:01 PM EDT (US)            

Suddenly, the alien stopped running. And then, it started growing.....

By the time the -ites reached its position, in a darkened carbonite chamber, the alien was 8 feet tall. It had grown vicious-looking claws, perfect for eviscerating.

The -ites, wisely, hid behind some storage crates and planned.

"How did the alien started growing?" asked Wazzit

"It seems to be part of its life cycle, like humans, only a lot more accelerated...." replied BA

"Question is, where did they come from?" asked Neb

4-GOM had been checking through the city's computer on a remote access channel.

"The computer has no record of any such life form. Does anyone know were Fuurgh was the past few days, if he ever was seperated from us?" asked 4-GOM

"He had taken a cloud car down into Bespin's depths. Perhaps there is some life form down there which is a parasite or something." replied Jeff.

"We need to get a scan, find out if it has any vulnerabilities." said Pax

Just then, the alien heard all the noise. It jumped up, and threw aside the crates. The -ites prepared to do battle, not knowing that no weapons could stop it.

Suddenly, Pax had an idea. Running to the Carbonite Freezer, the alien followed him. Pax force jumped over the pit. The alien, not noticing it, didn't jump at the right time, and hit the metal wall of the chamber, unconscious.

4-GOM ran over and hit the mechanism to freeze the Alien. The carbonite froze the creature, and the platform raised up. All the -ites started to push the creature to the edge of the platform and push it over, where it could never come back up.

Suddenly, the alien started to unfreeze its claws. As it fell over. it grasped onto the edge of the platform.

"It'll climb back if we don't stop it!" yelled someone.

Suddenly, Gonk walked over and shot one of the claws with an arc of electricity. The aliens claw let go, and it started to snarl. It reached and grabbed Gonk with its last energy, as they both fell to their oblivion.

10 seconds later, a huge fireball erupted from the depths of the chamber.

10 minutes later, the -ites were back in the Cantina, celebrating the defeat of the Alien.

posted December 20, 1998 01:07 PM EDT (US)            

MassaYoda used to be Matt, the resident architecture-obsessed reviewer. However, becoming one with the Force in one parallel universe and then coming back kinda got botched, and so now Massa is a diminuitive green guy with an uncanny resemblance to one of the characters in the movies. He probably wouldn't have come back, but he wanted to be included in ZoSo's Rebellion conversion.

Just then, the lights went out.

"Oh, no! Gonk powered all the appliances in this place! Without him, nothing will work!"

posted December 20, 1998 04:14 PM EDT (US)            

"Good work boy!" said numerous -ites.

Then someone with thumbs (Not me) plugged the generator in, and, voila!

posted December 20, 1998 04:15 PM EDT (US)            

"Just shut the hell up Wazzit, do you want to be drinking warm beer for the rest of your life?", says Jeff.

"What about drinking in the dark?", adds Speak.

"Isn't Wazzit always in the dark?", asks Entropy, who is playing with Doke.

"We're approaching Bespin you guys, get ready for atmospheric entry.", Aci's voice comes over the com link.

The Storm Runner's belly turns a bright orange as it enters the atmosphere of the gas giant, Bespin. "Alright, Cloud City security has cleared us to land and retrieve Gonk. Now don't screw this up guys.", says Pax, over the com link.

Minutes later, the Storm Runner is docked at landing pad 97 and the -ites are happily making their way towards the carbon freeze chamber. "Can we stop for a drink? PLEASE?!?!!?", plead Wazzit and Sinc, in unison.

"Maybe later, once we have Gonk back together again. Then you'll be able to try some of the shipment of Corellian Ale I just got in.", says Entropy.

The crew strolls happily through the streets of the floating city, stopping to check out the scenery every once and a while. "Where the hell are we?", asks FourGOM.

"Ummm... yeah. Good question.", says Justin.

"Hmmm... umm... well...", mumbles Jeff, looking at his map, "well, this is an older map, they must've just added this section of the city. Yeah... that's it.. just added this."

"Yeah, I'm sure.", says Aci, "So what you're telling us is that we're lost because you apparently can't hold a map right side up."

Aci snatches the map out of Jeff's hands, turns it right side up, and looks around. "Ok so if that is there, and that is there. Then we must be..."

**Meanwhile, in the carbon freeze chamber**

A large number of Ugnaughts waddle into the chamber, followed by a large, dark figure, shrouded in black. "Hurry you fools! I want that power droid! His friends are fast approaching. I must have this droid!", he yells.

The Ugnaughts scatter at his orders, all hurrying down ladders to the depths of the chamber. After some time, they emerge with bits and pieces of the power droid known as Gonk. "Excellent! Excellent! Once you have the every piece, send them to my shuttle. I will leave at once.", the shrouded figure says as he leaves.

**Back at ummm.. well.. wherever the hell the Drazenites are this time.**

"No! No! No! You're screwing it up! NO!", yells Wazzit, grabbing the map from Sinc.

"Hey! Gimme' that back!", yells Sinc.

"No, Wazzit give it to me! I had it first!", yells Jeff.

"NO! He'll just read it upside down again, give it back to me!", yells Aci.

They all converge into one big brawl. Jeff and Aci are soon thrown out. Wazzit and Sinc struggle to control the map. "You're tearing it! GIMME!", they both yell.

RIIIPPP!!!! The map is torn into 20 small pieces, which all float into the lower levels of Cloud City. "Well that was forseeable. Nice work boys.", says Taerea.

"Oh boy, this is gonna' be REAL fun to find.", says RBF.

The -ites start their trek to find the pieces of the map. As they move, Pax looks up towards the sky. A lone shuttle takes off from somewhere in the city. Pax is flushed with a sense of immense evil. "Wait a sec guys, whoever that was in that shuttle, he either has Gonk, or has killed him.", he says.

posted December 20, 1998 07:59 PM EDT (US)            

"Oh yeah," Neb said, "Cloud City got blown up by those crazy Ewoks waaaay back in the original story, didn't it?"

Growling, ZoSo pushed Gonk over and cracked 4-GOM across the back with a handy lead pipe. "Next thing you know, I'll be a dragon again!"

posted December 21, 1998 04:33 PM EDT (US)            

"Umm... oh yeah... heh.. forgot about that.", muttered Pax.

"I don't like him, he makes too much sense.", RBF whispered to Aci.

** On the mysterious figure's shuttle **

"Finally! I have the elusive power droid Gonk!", he laughed, "He shall pay dearly for assisting those fools, those Drazen.. er.. Bespin.. er.. what-ever-the-hell-they-are-called-now-ites."

** Back wherever the crew is now. **

"Well, here's a CORRECT map.", RBF says, glaring at Jeff.

"Well this is simple, it looks like we just head up this street here and we can hop a bus to the main terminal.", Entropy says, reading the map over RBF's shoulder.

"Good let's get going!", yelled FourGOM.

"Weren't we supposed to be looking for map pieces or something?", asked Sinc, waking up from yet another drunken stupor.

Everyone stares at him. "Ok, ummm... somebody fill Sinc in on the story again.", says Aci.

Cho'Koth tosses Sinc the script and highlights the part that has just passed.

"Ok, now, let's get moving, we have a bus to catch!", says Jeff, running up the street.

posted December 22, 1998 08:15 PM EDT (US)            

Gonk's computer processor was being taken out of him, and being moved into the evil cloaked guy's laptop computer.
The mechanical hands lifted the chip, opened the laptop, and popped Gonk's intelligence in there.
"This should help." said the mysterious evil man, while removing his cloak.
His hood came off, and he appeared to be none other than... Wierd Al Yankovic!

If he had the ability to speak in laptop form, Gonk probably would've shouted, "NOOOOOOO!!!"
"Hahaha!" laughed Wierd Al, "I've cut you open like a surgeon, heheh, and now you've increased my laptop's power great enough so that I can play Unreal without it stopping every time an enemy jumps onto the screen! Hahahahah!!!"

Back... um... there...

The whatever-ites were following Jeff into a crouded city street, running until they found a bus with a sign on it that read, "To Where-Gonk-Is".
Jeff approached a man in a bus driver's uniform and asked "Why aren't you in the bus driving it around?"
"Because," the man replied, "I'm on my coffee break, so this bus ain't goin' no where but here."

Everyone huddled to decide what to do.
The only things anyone could think of were
-Kill the guy and take the bus.
-Just jump into the open door of the bus and see if he cares.
-Use Pax's Jedi powers to transport us to Gonk.

However, Pug Dog had a better idea.
He walked about ten feet from the guy and barked until the man came over to see what was wrong.
"What's wrong boy, is a little child in trouble somewhere?" he said sarcastically.
Geez, I hate these Lassie type joke crap things. Pug thought.
The dog handed (Er, pawed, whatever...) the driver a picture.
He replied "It's a couple of chicks, so what?"
Pug got out a marker and wrote "Left or Right?" on the picture, leaving the man confused.
"Well I don't know..."

posted December 24, 1998 11:47 PM EDT (US)            

"Alright, alright!", said Jeff, slowing the bus.

Pug jumped in and they were all on their merry way. "So where do we head now?", asked Slug, who was in this story at some point, but became another of the forgotten.

"Well, I think we should get to the main commerce & travel building and check out where the hell that shuttle was headed.", said Cho'Koth.

"Again, with the making sense...", RBF whispered to Entropy.

"Sounds like a plan.", said Sinc, guzzling another Corellian Ale, "But how are we gonna' get there?"

"Umm... Sinc, we're on a bus. That question made no sense at all.", said RBF.

"WE'RE ON A BUS?!?!?!? You're kidding! NO F*CKING WAY! Man, and I thought this was good ale! I thought I was so buzzed it felt like I was moving. DAMMIT!", Sinc yells, flinging the half filled bottle out into the street.

"Ummm... yeah...", muttered FourGOM.

posted December 25, 1998 07:13 PM EDT (US)            

"Oh great! Now what!?" asked Jeff

Just then...

Someone jumped on top of the bus and starting madly firing his blaster at the bespinites... Luckily it was only Schmuck, and he missed by a long shot. Zoso quietly and efficiantly blasted him to Santas workshop.

Just then...

Someone jumped up into the air and floated away... never to be seen again.

Just then...

A mynok, which was attached to some ship flying over the street, fell off and dropped on top of Sinc.

posted December 26, 1998 02:08 AM EDT (US)            

The police died in a a couple of seconds.

posted December 26, 1998 02:18 AM EDT (US)            

Months passed...

Several Drazenites, including Jeff, Nebula, and Void, were lounging in the Cantina when Pax suddenly burst in with Speak.

posted December 26, 1998 02:29 AM EDT (US)            

"Okay," he said, "sounds like fun."

"Really?" Pax said, sounding almost disappointed, "I had this big speech written, and I--"

"No time Pax," Neb said, "We have a war to fight."

***Just then, three horsemen rode over the hill***

"Hey," ZoSo said to the lead horseman, "aren't there suppost to be four of you?"

"Well, um," he said in a booming voice, "Pestilence called in sick."

"Well that's irony," ZoSo said, "say, can I fill in?"

"Well, it depends," the lead horseman said, "do you have any dark powers?"

"No."

"Any special skills?"

"No."

"A horse?"

"No."

"Sorry, you're just not horseman of the apocalylpse material."

"WHAT?" ZoSo yelled, exploding with rage, "look you -beep-in' pieces of -beep-! I can be a better -beepin- horseman than you, you dirty son of a -beep-!"

posted December 26, 1998 07:10 PM EDT (US)            

"Okay... so I'm offline for one day 'cause its chritstmas... What the HELL has happened???" Justin asked.

"Weeeellll... I've decided that all of JK.net should be under my expert control..." explained Pax.

"Hey, I think thats a good idea!" said schmuck.

"Shud up you dirty [beep]" said void/zoso (i'm not sure which right now).

"Ookay..."

Just then!...

posted December 28, 1998 12:39 AM EDT (US)            

"Well, all right then, my followers," Lord Pax said, "It's time to relocate."

"Relocate?" Taraea scratched her head. "To where?"

"Back to our roots," Pax announced triumphantly. "Back... to Bespin..."

And so, the exiled Bespinites boarded their transports, and lead by the newly painted Storm Runner, Lord Pax lead the exodus back to their homeland.

"But Cloud City was destroyed," Jeff said as they exited hyperspace and approached the planet. "You're not going to take over one of the piddly little cities like Tibannopolis are you?"

"Not at all," Lord Pax replied. "During the time I was assumed dead, I began making preperations for this day." The small armada cruised through the clouds as Pax continued, "To this end, I began construction of a new city in the clouds - a home for our forces, a fortress to serve as the capital city of the new Bespin City Forum Imperium." Ahead, the clouds parted, revealing a glittering floating metropolis, twice the size of the old Cloud City and bristling with weaponry. "My friends, welcome to the Sky Asylum. Welcome home!"

posted December 28, 1998 01:19 AM EDT (US)            

"What the hell just happened here? This is insanity! I LIKE IT!", the power droid yelled.

"Go ask Pax.", Justin replied.

"Hey Pax, what is going on?", yelled Gonk.

"Join me and you will see!", yelled the great
Lord Pax.

posted December 28, 1998 01:38 AM EDT (US)            

"Well Pax, this is a great place, and a perfect fortress for our conquest!" said Schmuck, "Now, do we have seperate bedrooms or do we sleep all in the same room?" Schmuck glanced at Justin and winked.

Justin backed away and pulled out a blaster, "Schmuck, if you get any closer, then u will die!"