posted 01-09-99 02:30 AM ET (US)        

"Yep, it's definitely our favorite modified Sandcrawler," Pax called down. "I hope Gonk appreciates this."

"So explain this to me one more time," Bekka said.

"I'd rather not," Void growled as he stood, heading towards RBF and Pax.

Acinonyx sighed. "It's like this: there's this race of genetically engineered creatures called Jawoks, let by a being known as a FaelanJawok. We fought them off of our base world, but then their Jawa component kicked in and they stole our little droid buddy Gonk. We tracked them here, or more specifically," he finished, pointing, "There."

Bekka sighed. "That's what I get for ducking in the wrong building during a fire-fight."

"Look at it this way," AC replied, standing. "You have just entered a life-time of adventure."

posted 01-09-99 12:14 PM ET (US)            

RBF peers down the next dune, watching three figures walk down it. RBF spots Justin (who has gotten some therapy), Wazzit (Who's stoped drinking) and Jeff (Who's still pissed about Drazen).

Wazzit walks to RBF, shaking hands, "What about Gonk did you want to talk about?"

"He's been kidnapped." RBF said, looking back at Justin and Jeff, nodding in a hi.

They nod back.

"Gonk killed Jonathan." Wazzit said, "That doesn't give me any reason to help save his ass."

AC looks back at Bekka, and looks back at Wazzit, "Jonathan wen't crazy, and he was attacking Go-"

Wazzit interupts, "Jonathan didn't go crazy. He was killed."

Void ZoSo looks at Wazzit, then at Jeff and Justin, "Look, we really don't need your help, you can go back to your ship and fly back to Hoth, and Justin and Jeff can stay here."

posted 01-09-99 01:32 PM ET (US)            

"Not that I know of...hey, wait, someone else is coming." said Acinonyx

A swoop was heading towards the group, blowing sand and dried bantha guts everywhere.

"Who's that?" asked Bekka

The swoop landed, and 4-GOM got off.

"Oh, him. That's 4-GOM, resident mute smart-ass writer droid background character. Don't mind him." said Void, offhandedly.

posted 01-09-99 01:58 PM ET (US)            

"Ah! Jawok!" Pax shouted as the genetic horror pointed it's automatic rifle at the group. "Kill it!"

"Can do," RBF replied, raising his crossbow and launching an arrow into the short monstrosity. It whimpered once and fell to the sand. "Let's go."

The -ites trudged to the top of the dune, Bekka pausing to snatch the Jawok's blaster rifle for herself. "There it is," Pax said, pointing to boxy sandcrawler lumbering across the desert.

"How are you planning to get into that thing?" Bekka asked.

Jeff grinned, and he held out a remote detonator. "What do you think me, Wazzit, and Justin0 were doing?." Turning to Four-GOM, he added, "It's your show now."

The droid nodded, and cranked up his swoop bike, rocketing out toward the Sandcrawler.
"I see," Bekka nodded. "Droid on a bike, what self-respecting Jawa derivative could resist?"

As they watched, Gomer zipped around in front of the Sandcrawler and skidding around to a stop before taking off again in the other direction. Several panels on the side of the Sandcrawler opened and hidden weapons popped out, peppering 4-GOM's tail with laser fire. As he sped away, the Sandcrawler slowly turned to pursue.

Jeff's thumb twitched. "Just a little farther... just a little farther... eat this!" He stabbed downward on the big red button, and multiple charges when off in the desert, sending clouds of smoke and fire shooting out around the Sandcrawler. When the dust cleared, the massive vehicle sat tilted to once side, it's tracks blown off their wheels.

"That got 'em!" AC whooped.

posted 01-09-99 03:33 PM ET (US)            

After the blast rocks the huge metal Jawok thingy, Gonk is thrown to the floor. His restraining bolt still tightly fastened to his metal body, he waddles up behind a Jawok and gonks loudly. The Jawok jumps and runs away, dropping a small tool. Gonk picks up the little Jawok tool (with much difficulty) and struggles to free himself of the oppressive bolt. The droid fiddles with the tool, and suddenly drops it down a small, dark grate. "Nuts... oh well.. this rescue had better work.", he says to himself.

**Outside**

"Are we ready?", asked RBF.

"I guess.. unless anyone else wants to show up...", said Jeff.

Just then a large land speeder carrying a strange figure and what appeared to be a Furby, pulled up in front of our heroes. "Hey guys!", yelled Entropy, hopping out of the speeder.

"Well.. Speak of the devil...", said Pax.

"Who's this?", asked Bekka.

"Hi, I'm Entropy, and this here is Doke.", Entropy said, holding up his furby.

"Awww... isn't he cute?", said Bekka, reaching to pet Doke.

"SUT! SUT! SKANK! DOUCHE BAG!!!!", cried the little furby, running back to the speeder.

"Well.. he's not too friendly...", said Ent.

"And he has a bit of a potty mouth.", whispered RBF to Bekka.

"Alright, if we are done here.. Can we get moving now?", asked Jeff.

posted 01-09-99 04:16 PM ET (US)            

Justin looks at this watch, "You know, by now, Gonk would be dead, but since this is the NeS, and you can't kill anyone, guess he's alive."

RBF zooms in on the bottom of the Sandcrawler, "Looks like there is some kind of hatch at the bottom, maybe we can blow our way in there."

"Uhhh, we don't have any bombs, we left them on Wazzit's ship, the Drunken Hawk." Jeff said.

"Fine then." RBF said, putting away his binoculars, "We hit the hatch with Speak's Spork."

"Alright!" Speak said, running to the Sandcrawler.

The others run after him.

Bekka looks at Pax, "He really likes his Spork, huh?"

posted 01-09-99 05:42 PM ET (US)            

After a few moments, they had reached the hatch, and Speak started maniacally hitting it with his almight Spork. Bored and nearly dehydrated to death, Pug wandered around the other side of the crawler.

posted 01-10-99 06:15 PM ET (US)            

Wisely, everyone ducked as the swoop neared the group. Suddenly 4-GOM had an idea. He managed to steer the swoop towards the doorway.

"Is he out of his mind?!" asked Bekka.

"Usually, yes." replied Jeff, as everyone managed to get away from the doorway.

4-GOM flew in the doorway and jumped off, inside the sandcrawler at the last second. The swoop went in and collided with a wall which was conviently far away from GOM.

Everyone got up and went in.

"Thanks for leaving me behind!" said 4-GOM. He wasn't too upset though.

"You don't look very annoyed by it." said Bekka.

"They usually forget about me for a few posts anyway before I write myself in again." said 4-GOM.

"Posts?" asked Bekka, confused(I assume she doesn't know the higher plan of the NeS.

"Uhhh...Never mind." said RBF, hastily, whilst kicking the droid.

"Well, guess GOM answered my question." said Speak.

posted 01-10-99 06:49 PM ET (US)            

Entropy spoke up, "Uh, I built one once."

Pax shrugged. "I guess that makes you more qualified than anyone else. Lead on."

"Wait, I have a better idea," Speak suddenly said. Turning to the newly arrived Pug-Dog, he said, "Lead us to Gonk, boy. Come on, find Gonk."

Pug looked at him for a moment in incomprehension, then, as everyone was staring at him, he reluctantly started down the corridor.

"This look like the right way to you, Entropy?" Bekka asked as the group followed.

"I dunno," Entropy answered. "But I have a bad feeling about this."

"You using the Force, or just a gut feeling?"

"Actually, my nipple ring is tingling. That's never a good sign."

Bekka just nodded politely and moved away.

Finally, Pug came to a door and stopped, looking back at the others.

"This the door?" Speak asked. Pug barked and nodded confidently. "Good boy," he said, touching the door control.

The door ground open, revealing, not a imprisoned Gonk, but a Jawok mess hall.

Pug put his head down on the deck and put his paws over his ears. Pax looked at the others, at the room full of Jawoks, then back at the group. "Anyone? No? Ok, I'll say it.

posted 01-10-99 07:01 PM ET (US)            

"SINCLAIR!" all of the -ites gasped.

"That's right," Sinc said, in an unusually sober voice.

"But," Pax said, "why have you kidnapped gonk?"

"I'll show you," Sinc said, "Here gonk!"

Just then the little power droid lumbered out with a tray of drinks balanced on top of him.

"He's the only one of you who is of the right dimensions to do this, so....."

"But why the Jawoks?" ZoSo chimed.

"Oh," Sinc said, "well they're for this."

Suddenly a horde of jawoks surrounded the
-ites.

"You're new," Sinc said, walking up to Bekka, "I have a 'special' use for you! BWAHAHAHAHHAHHAAHAH!"

The next week....

"That's right, just like that..." Sinc said to bekka

"Sinclair," She said, "can't you just hire a housekeeping droid, I'm sick of vaccuming up all this sand!"

Meanwhile in the -ites cells

"Ya know," ZoSo said to Pax in the cell next to him, "in the old days, we would have been out of here a LONG time ago!"

"Yeah," Pax said, "guess we're losing our edge."

posted 01-10-99 07:54 PM ET (US)            

"I'm fresh out of ideas.", said RBF.

"Ok... well.. let's think like Sinc...", said Jeff.

"That's more than a bit scary...", said ZoS.

"Well.. if we were Sinc, how would we keep us in here?", asked RBF.

"Probably by having 10 foot thick walls with Jawoks crowding all the entrances.", said Cho'Koth.

"You obviously don't know Sinc!", yelled RBF, "He would be too drunk to lock the doors, and his Jawoks are just too stupid."

As soon as he said that, RBF tried to open his jail door. He was, of course, absolutely right, the door swung right open. "How come we didn't figure this out eariler?", asked Void.

"I guess we were too busy over estimating Sinc.", said Pax.

"Oh well.. let's get out of here!", yelled Speak, running down the prison block hall.

"NO SPEAK! WAIT!", cried RBF.

posted 01-10-99 08:26 PM ET (US)            

"Time to make my presence useful," Entropy sighed, winding up for the Doke fastball. "Looks, Doke, it's those terrible creatures that put you in the drawer!"

"SUT!" Doke screamed as Ent hurled him at the Jawoks, "SKANK SKANK, DOUCHE BAAAAAAAAAAAAAG!!!!"

***Meanwhile***

Bekka ran the high-tech combo vacuum/rug scrubber back and forth across the floor of Sinclair's quarters for the third time that day in an attempt to get out all the... spots.

It had been a week that she had been forced to clean the drunkard's Sandcrawler, and she was just about fed up with Sinclair and the waiting for the -ites to do something helpful.

"There you are!" Sinclair burst in behind her. "Get down to the second level bathroom. I just puked all over the floor again?"

"Hmm, what?" Bekka said innocently, turning around quickly and smacking Sinc in the gut with the vaccuum.

"OOF!" Sinclair puffed, doubling over as the breath was knocked out of him.

"Oh, dear me, how clumsy. Let me help," Bekka feigned, moving forward, the vacuum still in her hand. It brushed close to Sinc's head, and all of a sudden, his lept off his head and into the nozzle. "Woah," Bekka gasped in surprise at the now-bald Sinclair.

"My hair!" Sinc cried, grabbing his chrome cranium. Screaming like a little girl, he ran from the room.

posted 01-10-99 08:28 PM ET (US)            

Gonk had managed to shock the Jawoks with a loose wire on his side, electrifying them into submission. "Allright everyone," he commanded, "Show me to the exit."

And back outside the jail cell...

"I was just trying to find a bathroom. Honest." Speak pleaded, being forced back by a bunch of Jawoks with sharp objects.
Just then, Pug had an ingenious idea. He broke open a grate and crawled inside a small ventilation tube, one too small for everyone else to fit in.

posted 01-10-99 11:38 PM ET (US)            

"No, no, STOP!!! Kill them, you idiots! Stop running!" boomed a familiar voice over a loudspeaker. But the Jawaks didnt listen, and were gone within seconds. "Oh, for the love of God..." said the voice.

"Is that..." wondered Pax

"It couldnt be..." said RBF

"Thats right." said the voice, now behind them and not on the loudspeaker. "Its me." The -ites turned and gasped when they saw IG88h, Justin's right hand man before he turned good.

"But you're dead!" objected Speak. "you went down with that big saucer thing, right"

posted 01-11-99 12:23 AM ET (US)            

"No," IG88h protested. "That's not possible!"

Pax shook his head. "Apparently it is, sorry."

"This isn't fair, I have you!" Iggy lurched foward, his arms clutching for Pax's throat. Just as he was about to wrench the life from the cyborg, the restraining bolt kicked in, paralyzing the assassin droid.

"I think he's starting to lose it," RBF commented. "He's getting delusional."

"Let's just leave him to the Jawoks," Void said, already heading down the corridor. "We've got our own problems to deal with."

***Meanwhile***

Bekka skulked through the shadows of the upper levels of the Sandcrawler, avoiding wandering Jawoks when possible and trying to make it down to the detention level (a week of housecleaning gave her a pretty good feel for the place).

As she hid from another passing group of abominations, something AC had said came back to her, It's like this: there's this race of genetically engineered creatures called Jawoks, led by a being known as a FaelanJawok...

Did that make Sinclair the FaelanJawok, she wondered, or did Sinclair command it? Thinking the coast was clear, Bekka stepped out into the corridor again, only to run toe to toe with a creature different than all the others. While still short, furry, and possessing the Jawa eyes, this creature was unhooded, revealing it's hideous visage, and had large sideburns too.

posted 01-11-99 11:34 AM ET (US)            

He jetted over a large sand dune, only to see a large brown vehicle. "Damn, I have to stop eating those damn chitlins before bed."

posted 01-11-99 12:48 PM ET (US)            

"Uh, I'll pass, thanks..."

"Oh, it's too late for dat." the monstrosity said, it's voice going demonic and it's eyes turning red. "Much, much too late.."

Just then, the F-ingJawok was smacked in the back of the head by a flying Fry Daddy. It's eyes went dim, and it slumped to the floor.

"Hey, you!" came a droid's deep voice. "You've got arms! Get this restraining bolt offa me!"

"Gonk, I assume?"

"Your ass u me correctly. Restraining bolt?"

"All right already," Bekka muttered, grabbing the Fry Daddy. Walking up to Gonk, she swung it at the bolt sticking out of his side and smashed it down the corridor.

"Woo hoo!" Gonk gonked. "Now to get of here this dump."

"Hey, I worked very hard cleaning this place. Anyway, the rest of your friends are here, but they were captured and taken down to the detention level."

"Ah screw them, I just want to get out of here!"

Bekka kicked the little droid in the side. "We came here to rescue you, show a little consideration, will you?"

"Ow, hey, I thought you said you were the housekeeper?"

"Long story," Bekka mumbled. "Come on, let's go save them already."

The two turned to head back down the hall, but stopped short at the sight of a large, buff man wearing a cape, tights, and a pointy mask.

posted 01-11-99 01:10 PM ET (US)            

"Mental hostpital? Uh, I think not! I played Hamlet at Cambridge," Batman said like a prissy English actor.

"Hamlet? Cambridge? That's some cold shit," Gonk grumbled.

"All jests put aside... What's going on?" Batman seriously asked.

"We're trying to get out of this rat hole, that's what's going on," she said.

"I'll help you... There's some weird creatures in here..."

posted 01-11-99 06:28 PM ET (US)            

"Well... What are we waiting for? LET'S GO!", yelled this Batman character, running headlong into a wall, and knocking himself out cold.

"Anyway.... Umm... let's go find the rest of the guys!", says Bekka, carrying the power droid down the steps, "You're more than a bit heavy, you battery."

**Meanwhile**

"SUT SUT! SKANK! DOOOOOOOOOUUUUUCCCCCHHHHHEEE BAAAAAAAAAAGGGGG!", yelled Doke, as he was propelled down the hall towards some more Jawoks.

"WOOHOO! Come on boys! Come get some!", yelled RBF, shooting Jawoks with his long forgotten crossebow.

As the -ites were having their usual fun beating down the Jawoks, Bekka and Gonk follow the sounds of the battle.

"I think I hear RBF! This way!", says Gonk, waddling down another hall towards the noise.

posted 01-11-99 08:54 PM ET (US)            

He looked up to see the largest Jawok in the Universe. It had to be at least seven feet tall and four hundred pounds. It was standing over him looking down. It lifted one of it's giant feet over Batman's head. Batman quickly rolled out of the way as the foot came down. He fliped up off of the floor.

posted 01-11-99 11:46 PM ET (US)            

So they all decided to get the hell out of there.

"Do we know the way out?" Asked Jeff.

Entropy steps out, "I do, remember I built a sandcrawler . . . I think."

Pug Dog sniffs the air, smelling a familiar smell. Pug barks. "What is it boy?" RBF asks Pug. Pug Dog starts off down the corridor. "Guess we should follow him."

Entropy frowns, "Thats the second time!"

They run after Pug Dog, who's barking at something the -ites can't see. They stumble upon the hatch that they entered. AC looks up at Bekka, "Lady's first."

Bekka smiles at AC and jumps down the hatch. All the -ites jump down after her. "Okay, so now what?" Bekka asks AC.

"We've got company." Gonk looks back at the crowd of Jawas charging the -ites. Gonk pulls out his fry daddy, "Lets kick they're ass just like we did to Justin!"

Justin looks up, "Shut up." Justin pulls out his blaster and fires blast at the Jawas.

RBF pulls out the DHS, "You know, I forgot I had this thing when we were in the jail the whole time."

Jeff takes out his napkin holder, "If you did it would make too much sense."

After awhile of killing about hundreds of Jawas, the -ites grow tired of slaughtering helpless Jawas. "This is getting too boring, they just keep on coming and coming, and I'm almost out of ammo!" Justin said.

"Hey, isn't that the Drunken Hawk II?" Jeff said looking up at the sky.

"Drunken Hawk II?" Pax asked.

"Yeah, Wazzit got another one built after the first one was destroyed on Drazen." Jeff sighs. "Drazen. Damn the Empire."

Two laser shots fire out from the Drunken Hawk II, killing twenty weaponless Jawas. The Drunken Hawk II lands infront of the -ites, and the ramp opens. Wazzit peaks out of the Drunken Hawk II, "Well, you guys just going to stand there or do I have to carry you?"