posted 06-22-99 12:51 AM ET (US)        

Little Goalie: gonna be trained in the Jedi ways. with pax, arby, Qua, and Yogi, the cheeseburger-eating Jedi master

Mayor Walters: somewhere on the loose on Coruscant. Everybody not at the Jedi Temple is looking for him. He has to speak before the Senate to stop the blockade of Drazen Isle.

Gonk and Itys: in the middle of a firefight to escape battle droids in the Cantina Capital

S4tD and Void: you're about to find out.
----
"So, Speak, what say we go find this Mayor so we can save the galaxy?" Void asked.

S4tD stopped. "Why does everybody keep calling me that? I told you, call me S4tD."

"What, Speak? It's a little easier to say, don'tcha think?"

"Hmmm...you have a point...plus it's a little more catchy...OK, people can call me Speak now, since they do anyway," Speak said.

"Oh, good."
----
Some time later, Void and the newly re-christened Speak came to an intersection where, on one side, there was a shady-looking Cantina, and on the other was a strip club.

"He could esily be in either one of those. But we haven't much time, which to check out?" Speak pondered.

Suddenly, they heard explosions coming from the Cantina.

"i think somebody's already looking in there," Void said.

"Right," Speak agreed. "Let's check out the strip jont.

"Besides, it probably has a nicer view, anyway," Void grinned.

The two entered the strip club. On the stage was a blue Twi'lek, already half naked.

Void sat down at the edge of the stage, and reached into his pockets for some credits.

"we don't have time for that!" Speak scolded him, pulling him back.

"But I was sent to observe your dimension..." Void tried to protest.

"Some other time. We have a job to do."

They asked around the club for a highly inebriated and aroused man. Of course, most of the people rolled their eyes, since that description belonged to any number of patrons.

Finally, Speak mentioned to the bartender about how he was looking for this guy who was supposed to speak to the Senate.

"Oh, THAT guy. Yeah, he came in, talking about how important he was. He was invited backstage like...half an hour ago."

Speak and Void looked at each other. "How does he do it?" Speak asked.

"Got me. Maybe I should observe his technique sometime. For the good of the Void dimension, of course."

"Of course."

They tried to get backstage, but a very large bouncer droid was in the way. After making sure nobody was looking, Speak used his DUS, stabeed at the droid, then scooped its innards out. It fell, and the two moved inside.

The dancers screamed. Just as they got to the back, they saw Walters' form jump out the window, on to the street, and start running.

"Damn!" Speak said. "Guess we'll have to..."

"My, I never noticed how handsome you two are," one dancer said. "Why don't you stay awhile? Welcome to Club Anthrax."

posted 06-22-99 11:23 AM ET (US)            

"What is it?" 4-GOM asked.

"Itysxm and Gonk are in trouble. They could die!" Threewood answered as he dashed down the hall.

"Wait.. How do you... Hold up! Come back!" 4-GOM shouted, taking off after him.

4-GOM finally caught up to Threewood, who was still running.

"Hey dude... *heavy breathing* ... where ya goin? What about Ity and Gonk? *more heavy breathing. Almost sounding like Vader, but not quite.*

"I dunno." Threewood replied. "It's like I just knew they were in trouble. I gotta get em out. Stay here with Pax and all them."

"Ok. Fine." 4-GOM said, slowing down to a stop.

Threewood ran off, "borrowing" a shuttle off the landing platform.

Flying down towards the cantina, Threewood saw Itysxm and Gonk, firing at the Battledroids from the cantina doorway.

Threewood landed the shuttle near the cantina and ran in to Ity and Gonk.

"What the hell are you doing here!?" Itysxm yelled.

"I came to get you out!" Threewood answered.

"GOOOOOOONK! GONKGONKGONK! GONK?" Gonk gonked.

"Yes, I brought a shuttle." Threewood replied.

"THREE LOOKOUT!" Itysxm yelled as he shot a Battledroid aiming right at Threewood's head.

"Wow, thanks." Threewood said.

"Hey, that a thermal?" Threewood asked, pointing at Itysxm's thermal detonator.

"Yeah. Why?" Itysxm wondered.

"Just hold on." Threewood said, grabbing the detonator.

"Hm... droids are about, oh, 120 yards. That's what, 5 iron maybe?" Threewood wondered to himself, pulling out his 5 iron.

Threewood set the thermal detonator on the ground, hit the timer button, lined up, swung, and hit the detonator.

"Ooooooo! Whooo! Great shot! Wow! Yeah!" was heard from the gallery that popped up around the scene.

The detonator landed right in a group of Battledroids, exploding moments later.

"Ok lets go!" Threewood yelled.

Threewood ran Itysxm and Gonk out to his shuttle and took off. Blasterfire following them away.

"Hey Wood. How'd you know where we were?" Itysxm asked.

"I'm not really sure." Threewood said, landing the shuttle back where he took off from. "I just kinda knew somehow."

"Weird." Itysxm said.

"Yeah. Weird." Threewood answered.

They landed the shuttle, and Threewood handed a large amount of money found on the shuttle to the man it was borrowed from.

posted 06-22-99 06:36 PM ET (US)            

"Now if you look at the back story and see that little dream sequence we had theres gonna be a little boy in a fighter. You must be that little boy." Mannix told him.

posted 06-22-99 07:16 PM ET (US)            

"Where is Mayor Walters?" Valium asked.

"He needs to speak before the Senate soon, otherwise those blowhards will never shut up and he'll never get to say anything," Palpitation pointed out.

"Well, uh," Arby said, "he's kinda...missing."

"Missing?"

"yes," Pax replied coolly. "But I assure you, we have some of our friends out looking for him right now. He should be here soon."

"Oh. All right then."

They left.

"Man, I hope they find Walters soon," Qua-Zzit said.

"Cheeseburgers!" Yogi cried.
----
Meanwhile, back in Club Anthrax.

"...and then, the ORAL SEX!" the stripper finished detailling their plans for the evening.

Speak, having preked up at the details, finally got realistic. "And how much would this cost us?"

"Hmmm...about tree-fitty."

"DAMN YOU LOCH NESS MONSTER!" Void and Speak yelled. They jumped out the window.

"Argh! i can't believe we spent half an hour listening to the Loch Ness Monster!" Speak complained.

"Walters is long gone by now, too" Void said, dismayed.

They ran off in the direction that Jeff had drunkenly left.

posted 06-23-99 07:49 PM ET (US)            

"So basically you're trying to say that you are kinda' getting all Jedi-like and stuff?", said Itys to threewood.

"Yeah I guess, I'm not sure."

"GONK GONK GONK!", gonked Gonk.

"What? What platform? I can't see anything with all this damn fog.", said threewood.

Out of the haze popped a small platform, seemingly from nowhere, threewood quickly slowed the shuttle to a halt. Out of one of the buildings popped Void and Speak, apparently flushed a bit. "Guys?!?!?", cried threewood.

"Ah geez.. well.. now we have a ride.. soo.. I say we go back in there and observe.", said Void.

Three landed the shuttle, and walked to Speak and Void, along with Ity and Gonk. "Sooo.. did you find anything interesting?", asked Ity.

"PLENTY!", cried Void, motioning to head back into Club Anthrax.

"Really? Like Mayor Walters?", asked threewood, "Did you find him in there?"

"Well.. err.. umm.. noo.. you see.. he WAS here.. but he.. umm.. kinda' got away..", mumbled Speak.

"Well, he couldn't have gotten far, it's only been a short while, right?", said Ity.

"Well.. erm.. uhh.. not exactly..", said Void.

"What do you mean, not exactly?", said threewood.

"Well.. see.. we were GONNA' go after him.. but.. we.. kinda' got distracted..", said Speak, blushing.

"By wha- .... ohhhhhh... I see.. well.. that sucks.. Now we'll never find Walters.", said threewood.

"Not only that, but he stole our shuttle, and we wasted half an hour listening to the Loch Ness Monster!", cried Void, stamping his foot. (OOS: Where the hell did this Loch Ness Monster thing come from? /OOS)

"Well.. we'd better get moving.", said threewood.

** Back in the Jedi Council building **

"Well, the boy seems to have the ability to be trained. What do you think we should do, master Yogi?", asked Qua-Zzit.

"Train him we shall not. Too old he is. Change my opinion you may, by buying me many cheeseburgers.", said Yogi.

"Uh-huh.. well.. umm.. Well.. we shall not train the boy. He has much fear in him.", said Qua-Zzit.

"But.. but.. he passed all the tests.", said Pax.

"Filled with fear he is. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate to the Dark Side. Only cheeseburgers shall save us!", said Yogi.

"Then I shall train him myself, with or without the council's approval.", said Pax.

"You dare to defy the council?", said an unknown Jedi.

"Well.. defy is such a strong word..", said Pax.

"Than you won't train the boy?", said Qua-Zzit.

"Well..", said Pax.

"Decided it is, the boy shall not be trained. Bring in the cheeseburgers!", cried Yogi.

"With all due respect, you mauled all the last servants who brought in cheeseburgers, Master Yogi.", said Qua-Zzit.

"Yes, because cheeseburgers they possessed, and cheeseburgers I must have.", said Yogi.

Into the room walked several bandaged servants carrying platters piled high with cheeseburgers. Yogi's eyes shined with delight. "CHEESEBURGERS!", he cried, running at the servants, who quickly dropped the platters and ran out the door.

"CHEESEBURGER CHEESEBURGER CHEESEBURGER!", cried Yogi, running across the room, and slamming into a forcefield of some sort.

Yogi fell limp to the ground. "And the scoffed when I bought this.", said Qua-Zzit, picking up the pane of glass he had placed in front of Yogi, and tossing it out into the street, "Someone take him to the day-care, again."

Several servants walked into the room, and picked up Yogi. "Cheeseburger... Cheeseburger.. hmmm.. yes.. triple cheeseburger..", the unconcious Jedi master mumbled as he was carried out of the room.

posted 06-23-99 09:42 PM ET (US)            

"Master Pax, when you encountered this Dark Maw, what did he exactly look like?" Lng-Hed, a member of the Jedi Council asked.

"His face, it had tattoos . . . a lot of them, the color, of black and . . ."

"Red?" Asked Lng-Hed.

"No, of course not, that would be stupid." Pax said. "His face had tattoos with the color of black and pink. Bright, bright pink. And when I mean, bright pink, I mean pink, so bright that his face was brighter than his lightsaber."

"Wow." Qua-Zzit said, checking his computer, looking in the database for info on Dark Maw. "Tell us more."

"His lightsaber, it was long. Don't know for some reason." Pax said.

"Odd." One of the Jedi Council members said.

"There is nothing about him in the database. Well, now that we have studied all we can about this Dark Maw, we have to figure out what we are to do about this man?" Qua-Zzit asked.

"What else is there to do about him?" Lng-Hed asked.

"Yes, guess you are right, kill him, then kick his ass, then ask him questions." Qua-Zzit said.

Pax stares at Qua-Zzit.

"Oh, yeah, I mean kick his ass, ask him questions, then kill him." Qua-Zzit said.

"How about bring him in?" Pax asked.

"Oh, yeah, kill him and bring him in." Qua-Zzit said.

"No, I mean, why would we ask him questions there? We can bring him here and ask him questions in the interrogation room." Pax said.

"Now you are making too much sense." Lng-Hed said.

"Fine, if you are unable to kick his ass, bring him in, THEN ask him questions, just kill him." Qua-Zzit said.

"Now I'm confused." Pax said.

"Your not the only one." Arby said, wondering what Qua-Zzit means.

"Bring him in, if you can't, kill him." Qua-Zzit said.

"But doesn't killing bring you closer to the dark side?" Arby asked.

"Fine, stop him from killing you. Is that good?" Qua-Zzit asked.

"Pretty clear." Pax said.

* * *

"We HAVE to find Mayor Walters! The senate are waiting for him!" Threewood yelled.

"Ow, don't have to yell." Itysxm said, who covered his ears.

"Sorry." Threewood piloted the ship around the area Mayor Walters was last seen.

"Hmmm, is there another bar around here?" Void asked excited.

"GONK GONK GONK GONK!" Gonk gonked.

"Hey, back off. How should have I known about that god damn Loch Ness Monster!" Void yelled.

"Ow, my ears." Itysxm said, who held his ears still.

"Hey, there's a bar right there!" Threewood yelled.

"OW!" Itysxm yelled. "Argh!"

Speak looks at the bar's sign. "Important-Singles-Mayors-Club . . . are you sure he is in there?"

* * *

"Messa no like this." Furgh said, who walked the streets of coursant, his huge eyeball attracting people's stares. Furgh looks up at a big sign. "Important-Single-Mayors-Club? Wats a dis!" Furgh yelled, going inside.

* * *

Void ran into the club. "Wahoo!"

"Wait Void!" Speak yelled. "I'll see if I have tree-fity!" Speak starts to check his pocket for change.

Itysxm looks at Threewood, "What happened to Furgh?"

"Woah! Furgh! Forgot about him!" Threewood said, walking into the club shrugging at Itysxm.

"GONK!" Gonk gonked happily as he walked into the club.

* * *

"Messa like this!" Furgh said, jumping on one a lady's leg on stage.

"AHHH! Get this crazy creature off me!" The lady screamed.

Furgh climbs up the leg. "Wow! Wats a dis!" Furgh said, reaching up the dress.

* * *

posted 06-23-99 10:22 PM ET (US)            

"Well.. yet another acting career ends prematurely.", said Speak.

"Thanks.", the dancer said to Gonk, kissing the box of a droid.

"GONK GONK GONK GONK GONK GONK GOOOOOOONK!", gonked the droid in delight.

"Hey.. Who's that at the bar?", said Void, out of the blue.

** Back with the crazy Jedi people **

"You have your assignment Master Pax.", said Qua-Zzit.

"But this guy is some kinda maniac.. I know it. I'm gonna' end up dead AGAIN.. just like I was in NeS 1 and all of NeS 2.", said Pax.

All the Jedi stared at him.

"Nevermind."

A muffled cry of 'CHEESEBURGER!' was heard from down the hall.

"Well.. umm.. anyhoo.. kill this Maw character, bring him in, kill him, pump him for info, and kill him.", said Qua-Zzit.

"Ummm.. yeah.", said Pax.

"You are free to go, Master Pax.", said Lng-Hed.

"Master Maheda, you wanted to say something?", said Qua-Zzit.

"Yes. I wish to submit my Padawan, Mannix, to the trials. I believe he is ready.", said Maheda.

"OH YEAH BABY! NOW'S WHEN I GET ALL THE CHICKS RIGHT?!?!?!? C'MON! EWAN MCGREGOR GETS ALL THE CHICKS, SO I SHOULD GET DOUBLE WHAT HE GETS! RIGHT? WOOOHOOO!", cried Mannix.

"Umm.. The council believes that Mannix is NOT ready for the trials.. in fact, we're perplexed as to how he even passed the trials to train as a Jedi.", said Qua-Zzit.

"Awww dammit.. do I really have to have him along? He's annoying as hell! PLEASE LET HIM TAKE THE TRIALS! FOR MY SANITY! PLEASE!", cried Maheda.

"He is not ready.", said Qua-Zzit.

"Hmmm.. only Master Yogi could overrule you.. correct?", said Maheda.

"Yes."

"Hmm.. and I know the way to Yogi's favor.."

Maheda picked up one of the cheeseburgers and headed out to find Yogi...

posted 06-23-99 11:49 PM ET (US)            

*** Back in the "Important-Singles-Mayors-Club" Bar ***

"Hey... that's Mayor Walters!" Yelled Void

"Where!" Asked Itysxm, scanning the room.

"Over there! At the bar!" Replied Void. Pointing, screaming, and making a huge scene about it.

"Hmmm..." said Itysxm, glancing in the direction of the bar. He quietly looked over the patrons. A man in red and blue tights, wearing a cape with a big gold "S" on the back, a vampire, and two ugnaughts. A talking cheeseburger, some guy in a suit with a large gun, fiveteen little pit-droids, a guy in a football uniform, three sexy looking Corellian Chicks (Itysxm stored that fact away for later use) and a C3PO unit.

"I don't see Mayor Walters." Itysxm said.

"Right there!" Void screamed, pointing at the fellow in the football uniform.

"Oh my god! That is him! What the hell is he doing wearing that?!" Asked Itysxm.

"GONK!" Gonked Gonk.

"You don't say...?" Said Threewood

"Let's go get him!" Said Chokeoff, gesturing in the Mayors direction.

They popped up out of their chairs and ran towards the mayor. He saw them coming, and ducked behind the bar.

"Hey!" and "Ow!" and "Oooff!" and "Eeeee!" was heard from behind the bar as Mayor Walters *tried* to sneak down the narrow area behind the bar towards the door.

"Let's cut him off at the door!" Cried Itysxm, as he ran for the door. They all stood in the doorway, waiting for Mayor Walters to emerge from behind the bar.

Suddenly they saw him pop out, but instead of heading for the door they saw him run to the bathroom.

"Bad time to have to go," commented Void smuggly.

"Hey, why are you guys blocking the doorway!"
Came a voice from behind, "You ain't trying to pick a fight with me? Are you chumps?" The mean voice continued.

Itysxm turned on his heel and looked straight into the face of the big thug who was standing behind them.

"We might just be..." he said slyly, drawing his blaster and shoving it under the chin of the fat thug.

"Umm... I was just kidding about that... ummm, pick a fight stuff." The guy said, pulling at his collar nerviously. "You guys can move whenever you want."

"Good." said Itysxm, turning around again... Only to see a huge crowd of the thugs friends gathering around the -ite's.

"On third though," said the thug behind them, "I think you can come with me."

Itysxm felt a blaster poke his spine and he glanced at his fellow -ite's, who were getting the same treatment.

"Ooops," He said.

*** Back at the Jedi Counsil building thingy ***

"Hmmmm..." said Master Pax, taping his foot impatiently. Maheda had still not returned with master Yoda.

Suddenly Maheda ran in, sweating.

"I couldn't find him! I think he ran off! The front door to the Counsil daycare was wide open!" he yelled.

"Quickly! We must find him!" Yelled Pax, "If he gets loose he could throw Coruscants Cheeseburger industry into turmoil!"

Pax, Arby, Little Goalie, and Master Maheda ran towards the Jedi Elevetor. They jumped in, and Pax pressed the little number 1.

The lift swifly fell to the bottem floor, and with a nice *ping* the door opened.

The group ran out and looked around. Pax spotted a splat of cheese on the ground.

"A trail! Follow that cheese!" Screamed Arby. Dragging the quartet after him.

*** Back with our unfourtionate friends at that weird Bar***

"Wessa dooomed!" yelled Furgh. Looking back at the blaster pressed against his left leg.

"Don't give up yet... We've got to think of something!" Said Void

Suddenly everyone ears perked up as "Cheeseburgers! Good, Yes!" was heard in the distance, and quickly getting closer.

Everyone turned.

"CHEEEEEEEEEEESSSSE BURGEEEEERRRRRRSSS I SMELL!" Screamed a little green thing as it ran up to the group.

Without stopping, Yogi ran through the group, upending a whole bunch of the thugs and giving the -ite's a chance to even the odds.

Itysxms blaster rang... Threewoods club whacked... In seconds the thurgs layed in a heap on the ground.

"Mmm.... big cheeseburger, this is." Cried Yogi from the bar, as he sunk his teeth into the giant Cheeseburger that had been sitting there.

Pax, Arby and that group ran in.

"Hmmmmm..." said Pax, looking at the Yogi. "Maheda, capture him and take him back to the Jedi Tower... Ahh, Void, Itysxm... Have you found Mayor Walters yet?"

"Nope, but we've got him cornered! He want into the washroom!" Chokeoff cried.

They group ran over to the washroom, blasted the lock in half, and smashed through the door.

Mayor Walters was nowhere to be seen, and the window to the outside hung open.

"Damn..." said most of the -ite's at once.

posted 06-24-99 03:09 PM ET (US)            

"Are you guys looking for a drunken single mayor who has an all important speech to give that will oust Chancellor Valium from power just like that?" Mannix asked

"Yes!" The others yelled.

"Hes running down the alley. I didn't actually catch him. He went that way" Mannix told them.

"Lets get him!" Void yelled.

The large group started to run after Mayor Walters.

****The Council****

"So Master Yogi Shall Mannix take the trials?" Master Maheda asked.

"CHEESEBURGER! MEEHEEHEEHEE! Yes trials he will take mmmmmmm! Good food I have. Happy I am. CHEESEBURGER! MEEHEEHEEHEE! Jedi knight he will become CHEESEBURGER!" Yogi finished.

"Thank you Master Yogi. I go in peace." Maheda said.

****In the senate chamber****

"Senator Palpatation. Is your Mayor ready to speak?" Chancellor Valium's voice boomed.

"Well.......ummm errr... not yet..... Did I ever tell you the story of the priest the rabbi and the budist monk?" Palpy started.

****Following Jeff****

Out of no where Dark Maw and several battle driods appeared.

"Hell's bell's This isn't in the script! We don't have time for this. Mannix you and Gonk take care of this." Pax yelled as he and the rest darted after Jeff.

"But this has nothing to do with the story line at all!" Mannix yelled.

"GONK!!!!!!!" Gonk gonked.

Mannix started dueling with Maw occasionally picking off a droid. Gonk opened a small compartment in his underside and whipped out a blaster rifle and pasted the remaining driods.

"GONK! GONK! GONK!" Gonk gonked.

Mannix took a swing at Maw but it was quickly blocked. Maw senseing he could lose to the young Jedi and more importantly lose to the driod with the gun leaped on the roof tops and ran off.

"Thanks Gonk. Hmm I wonder why he's running over by Senator Palpatations room. What gonk? You think Palpatation is an evil master using the senate as a backdrop for evil? what a silly idea." Mannix concluded.

"Gonk!" gonk gonked.

"Lets catch up with the others" Mannix said.

****Senate Chamber****
"So anyway the rabbi says to the preist thats not where I put my yamacha! Oh if you liked that one wait till you hear the one about the Pope in the boat with Pamala Lee...." Paply continued.

****Chasing Jeff****
"alright we're at an intersection. We go left?" Pax asked.

"Right." Void said.

"So we go right?" Chokeoff said.

"No left." Void said.

"Left?" Itysxm

"right" Void said.

"So we go right?" Pax said.

****Senate Chamber*****
"And Pamala says 'Those Ain't Bouys!'
And stop me if you heard this one" Papatation said stallingly.

****After Jeff.****

"Gonk!" Gonk Gonked

"Alright we're back with you guys. which way do we go? Left?" Mannix asked

"Right" Void said.

"Oh we go right?" Mannix said.

posted 06-25-99 12:47 AM ET (US)            

"Guys, over here!" Speak yelled from where he had been scouting ahead the last few posts.

The group ran up to where Speak stood on the street, looking up into the sky. "Where's Mayor Walters?" Pax panted. "Did you see him?"

"He just took off in a hot wired air taxi," Speak explained. "Heading uptown."

"Dammit," Void said, shaking his fist in the air. "How're we gonna catch him now?"

*HONK!* *HONK!* "Hey, you weirdos, get out of the road!" The group turned to see a repulsor semi truck sitting in the road behind them, more traffic backing up behind it.

"You guys thinking what I'm thinking?" Speak asked.

"I think so," Furgh answered. "But howsa we gonna get a space slug to Coruscant?"

The others looked at Furgh, then at each other, then back at the truck.

*Meanwhile, in the Senate*

"And so then," Senator Palpitation explained to the stony-faced Senators, "Keanu Reeves comes back to life because the hot babe kisses him or something. Personally I think it's all a bit trite, but then..."

The Senator was suddenly cut off as an out of control air taxi smashed through the roof of the Senate chamer, spiralling down to wipe out the representatives from the planet ET.

"What is the meaning of this!" Chancellor Valium suddenly shouted, before leaning heavily on the podium, his eyelids drooping. "*Yawn* Somebody call a medic."

But just then, a repulsor semi smashed through a second hole in the roof, crashing through the central podium tower and collapsing the roof onto the delegates from the entire Bzzz'fvrzfzzra'f'af'sfz sector. When everything had settled, our heros climbed out of the truck.

"We're okay!" Chokeoff announced. "No, really!"

"OMG! you killed Valium!" the Senator from the Stan system shouted.

The delegate from the Kyle system chimed in. "YOU BASTARDS!"

"I'm not quite dead yet," Valium moaned.

Threewood pointed at Void. "He was driving! I was shanghaied!"

"I'm getting better..."

"Well," Void objected. "If Furgh hadn't been sitting on the stearing wheel..."

"I really think I can go on with the session..."

"This is horrible!" Palpitation broke in. "We'll have to select a new Chancellor at once!"

"Oooh! Oooh! Me!" Furgh shouted.

Achingly, Chancellor Valium got up, holding his hands out for silence. "I move we... do that thing where we... go away for a while to regroup..." He collapsed back into the wreckage.

"There," Palpitation said. "Now can we select a new Chancellor?"

"Wait, wait," Arby interrupted. "He's just asleep."

From behind the heroes, a moaning could be heard. All eyes turned towards the wrecked air taxi up in the middle of the ET's booth.

posted 06-25-99 08:29 AM ET (US)            

"Give your speech!" Mannix yelled.

Mayor Walters stood up and began. Unfortunatally he was still quite drunk
"I was not neglected to watch my people buff and dry while you disgust this invasion with a commitee." Walters sat down.

"What the hella yousa saying?" Asked Furgh

"Damn thats not it is it? errrrr.. I was elected to watch my people suffer and die while you disgust me?" The Mayor tried again.

"Still wrong." Mannix said to himself.

"I have a bad feeling about this." Pax said.

"Why?" Arby asked.

"Beats me just been awhile since we've used that line." Pax replied.

"I was not elected to watch my people sulfur and dye while you discuss this invasion in a....wait almost there.....I was not elected to watch my people suffer and die while you discuss this invasion in a commitee-itee-itte-itee" Walters finished.

"Whysa he say -itte?" Furgh asked.

"With all the holes we put in this room it doesn't echo very well any more I think its for dramatic effect." Mannix said.

"Now you chancellor.....Geranium.......no wait.....amphibian? no....Vericose veins? ummmm....." Walters stuttered.

"Just how drunk is he?" Chokeoff asked.

"Valium thats it! You since of your deadness or sleepyness. I take a vote of no-confidence." Mayor Walters finally said.

"Alright gaurds haul away Valium" Papatation said.

"But you didn't even actually vote!" Mannix yelled.

"It doesn't matter we remove people at will like that. Watch....... Whos running against me?" Palpy yelled.

"I am" yelled Bail Antillies

"K youre elected. I vote no confidence you're gone IM chancellor. See all very easy." Palpy finished.

"Lets go back to Deeznut......er Drugzan? no...drazcake........drazen thats it..." Mayor Walters said as he slumped to the floor.

"GONK! GONK!" Gonk gonked.

posted 06-25-99 05:51 PM ET (US)            

Everyone turns around to see Qua-Zzit

"Leaving without me eh?" Qua-Zzit asked.

"Well, we thought you had work to do for the Jedi Council so we thought we'd leave and handle the blockade ourselves." Mannix said.

"Wait a minute. Your going to leave, and handle the blockade yourselves . . . when there are armies here that can fight and take out the blockade without much force?" Qua-Zzit asks.

"Yes . . . thats the idea." Mannix said.

"Why can't you discuss it more with the Senate? Hell, why discuss it? There isn't anything to discuss! They are obviously invading Drazen, shouldn't the Republic come to return justice?" Qua-Zzit asked.

"Now your making too much sense." Arby said.

"If you want to get help from council, your welcomed to, Qua-Zzit." Mannix said.

"I have a better idea. How about you go get them?" Qua-Zzit said.

"What?!" Mannix said.

Qua-Zzit grabs Mannix and throws him off the ramp of the ship and closes the ramp.

"Why did you do that?" Itysxm asked.

"He annoys me . . . a lot." Qua-Zzit said, walking to the bridge, "I can see why Maheda wanted him to past the test so badly."

Threewood heads for the bridge, followed by everyone else. "Hey! Some people have to get out! This bridge is too crowded!"

The people not usually mentioned in the story get out and wander around the ship.

Jonathan looks down at Gonk, "Lets put you in the ship's computer and see if it has any problems with the hyperdrive." Jonathan and Gonk left the cockpit.

"How long till we reach Drazen?" Pax asked Threewood.

"Maybe an hour or more. But, how are we gonna do to get past the blockade?" Threewood asked, who looked up at Pax.

"I'm sure the blockade doesn't circle all around the planet." Pax said, walking out the room.

* * *

"Any problems with the Hyperdrive?" Jonathan asked Gonk, who just finished pluggin the little droid into the terminal.

"GONK!" Gonk gonked.

"No? Thats good, if you find anything else, gonk loud so I can hear." Jonathan said, walking to the ship's computer room.

* * *

"Dark Maw, I want you to check up with our little blockade at the planet Drazen." The mysterious-darkish-figure-in-the-backround said.

"At last, we shall reveal ourselves to the Jedi. At last we shall have revenge." Dark Maw said.

posted 06-25-99 07:12 PM ET (US)            

"Now why did I go to the computer room again?"

THUD! something crashed into Jon's skull and he fell unconcious.

"Sorry I had to do that." Mannix said. "Good thing this ship has some nice entrances for people like me..."

"GONK! GOOOOOOOOOOONK!" Gonk gonked loudly.

"I'd better see what that is" Mannix said as he went to check.

**** Jedi Council for no apparent reason ****

"Chancellor Papataion what are you doing here?" Master Mah asked.

"I'm here for some cards and such. My dark robe of sith is being dry cleaned and I need something to do before telling my evil minions to wipe out all the good guys." Palpy said.

"Oh. Wanna come closer to the entire Jedi council who with their infinate force ability missed the rise of the sith both Maw and Sideous on the same planet?" Mah asked.

"Sure!"

**** Cockpit of ship ****

"You know Mannix wasnt that annoying." Itysxm said.

"So?" Qua-Zzit responded.

"Do you realize that while you spent an entire scene getting rid of him you forgot to include that we have Mayor Walters and Little Goalie onboard with us?" Pax asked him.

"Minor plot hole." Qua-Zzit said.

"Do you realize we haven't talked about ducks the entire NES?" Itysxm asked.

"OK that one is a problem" Qua-Zzit said.

****ENGINE ROOM****

"Gonk! Gonk" Gonk gonked.

"Hey Gonk how you doing?" Mannix asked. "What you've been plugged into the hyperdrive for no apparent reason cus that part of the plot was way back? thats terrible." Mannix unplugged Gonk and made his way to the cockpit.

****Cockpit****
"Did I just hear? Aw hell Mannix is back...." Qua-Zzit moaned.

"Yep lets take a quick crew check to see whos all aboard for sure...." Mannix responded.

"Let see Mannix, Speak, Mayor Walters, Little Goalie, Itysxm, Gonk, Fuurgh, Jon, and Myself for Sure." Pax said.

"Probably others hanging around." Itysxm said.

posted 06-25-99 08:06 PM ET (US)            

"Dammit, 500 credits in the whole. Well, I better go fellas. Dark Maw, er, I mean Mrs. Palpation is probably worried."

"Go you must," said Yogi, "But bring cheeseburgers you shall next time."

"But they are such a rare commoditie, Master Yogi," Palpy said.

Yogi proceeded to jump on Palpy. "Bring them you shall! Bring them or die!!!"

"Ok, ok. I will see you all later then, i suppose." With that, Palpy left.

All of a sudden, Maheda clutched his head, and dropped to the ground.

"Mannix...... Qua-Zzit........ Sabers....... Pain........" He trailed off in pain. With that, Maheda collapsed on the ground.

"Quickly," remarked a Jedi Council member, "Get him to TwoOneBee! And send a messenger to the ship. You, Dastwa, go, and tell them! Warn them!"

This jedi, another Jawa, left immediately.

(oos) Think of Dastwa as another one of my characters. Don't kill him. (/oos)
----------------------------------------
At the hanger, Dastwa realized the ship had left.

"Methinks this scout will do nicely."

Dastwa jumped into the scout ship, kicked out the other pilot, and sped off.
----------------------------------------
Meanwhile, on the Ship.....

"Dammit, why does Mannix have to be here? Couldn't he just have stayed home? Or maybe he was kicked out of there, because he was so annoying," said Qua-Zzit, just as Mannix walked in.

"Why are you talking shit about me? What did i do to you?"

"You were too annoying."

"Dammit, we settle this here and now!" Mannix pulled out his lightsaber, a yellowish-green one.

"Fine!" Qua-Zzit pulled out his blue one.

And so they battled.
-----------------------------------------
Dastwa's scout approached the ship.

"Methinks i need boarding permission!" he shouted over the comm.

"No problem, fellow Jedi. But watch out for the two battlers," Pax replied.

"Uh-oh! Methinks i better hurry!"
-------------------------------------
"Die, rotten scum!"

"Oooh, clever, annoying fruit!"

And the battle raged on, as Dastwa stepped in.

"Methinks you had better stop!" Dastwa pulled out two lightsabers, and started attacking.
----------------------------------
One hour later..................

"Methinks I am getting tired!"

"We are too."

"Methinks you had better stop!" Dastwa used push, and threw them onto a wall.

"AAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGH! You @$^&in bastard!" Qua-zzit said, as both he and Mannix charged him. Dastwa was too late. His corpse fell on the ground.

posted 06-25-99 08:09 PM ET (US)            

"Yes actually" Qua said.

"Ok Gonk clean up this mess. forward to drazen!" Pax yelled.

posted 06-27-99 12:21 AM ET (US)            

"There is the blockade." Qua-Zzit pointed to a bunch of donut shaped ships to the left of the planet.

"Federation Battleships." Pax said.

"Wait a minute. The blockade is only surrounding one side of the planet." Itysxm said.

"Hey! Thats my planet!" Mayor Walters said, stumbling in the room.

"How did Mayor Walters get out of his room?" Threewood asked.

Mayor Walters looks at the Federation Battleships, "Hey! What are those donuts doing flying around my planet?!" Mayor Walters pushes Threewood out of the controls.

"What are you doing?!" Threewood yelled.

"I'm gonna blast those donuts outa the air!" Mayor Walters yelled, already firing laser blasts at the Federation Battleships.

"Uh-oh." Arby said. "I have a bad feeli-"

"Please, not now young Arby." Master Pax told his padawan.

The Federation Battleships turned to the group's ship and out came a dozen of Droid Fighters.

"What the?" Itysxm said. "All the Federation Battleships see us, but only ONE battleship releases droid fighters? Whats up with that!?"

"Who cares!? Just makes it easier for us!" Threewood said, pushing Mayor Walters out of the seat.

Qua-Zzit pulls on Mayor Walters by the shirt and drags him to his room. "I'll be back."

"Get to the guns!" Yelled Itysxm. "I got bottom!"

"No! I got bottom!" Speak yelled.

posted 06-27-99 11:51 AM ET (US)            

"Whhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaa I want a gun!!!!" Itysxm and Speak whined in unision.

"AHHHHH!" Qua-Zzit yelled as he came back, took out a blaster and stunned them both. " I hate whining geez!" He then went back to Walters.

"Fighters at .3!" Arby yelled to the gunners.

"I see 'em Who's flying by the way?" Void yelled back.

"I am" Threewood said.

"Void swing to port fighter! 12 degrees!" Mannix yelled.

Void swung around and blew the thing into oblivian. Two fighters crossed past and Void managed to toast another one of them. The other swung in front of Mannix's guns and was quickly dispatched.

**** Palpy's office ****
"Viceroy pull away all battle ships but one and leave it there." Dark Seductios said.

"But that would be utterly stupid and more bad strategy. The only stupider thing I would think would be to build a huge battle station and tell the enemy where it and its shield generator are before finishing it." the Viceroy responded.

"Do not fool with my logic! Just do it!" the transmission ended.

**** Space ****

Void and Mannix killed the last two fighters and came back to the cockpit.

"Thats odd. The federation is pulling back all battle ships for no apparent reason whatsoever." Pax said.

"Its another plot hole. Lets go land and find some Clumsy CGI with bad speech to fight the CGI battle driods as a diversion" Mannix said.

Qua-Zzit came back in and said "Mannix thats the first intellegent thing you've said the whole trip.

posted 06-27-99 06:16 PM ET (US)            

"No. Mannix needs guidance. I can't risk more lives lost. Prepare my Jedi SpeedShip."
-------------------------------------
On the ship.....
-------------------------------------
"GNKR, where should we land?"

"Gonker gonker!"

"Good. Landing in the Port now!"
-------------------------------------
On Drazen.....
-------------------------------------
"Whoa, Master, what is that?" Arby inquired.

"I believe that is a Jedi SpeedShip. But who's is it?"

All of a sudden, Maheda's ship crashed, and almost hit Gonk.

"GONK!" Gonk gonked, gonkily.

Then Maheda and Gonker stepped out.

"Master!" Mannix shouted.

"I am here to help you. You must be carefully guided."

All of a sudden, the whole crew stopped to look at Gonk and Gonker. The two droids were staring into each other's sensor areas.

posted 06-28-99 03:02 PM ET (US)            

"Well.. that was unexpected.", said Speak.

posted 06-28-99 06:38 PM ET (US)            

Everyone stares at the corpse of Gonk and Qua-Zzit.

"I wonder who he was talking about?" Mannix said.

posted 06-28-99 09:45 PM ET (US)            

"Uhh, what's going on?" Ask Void

"It's a dance, stupid... The NES needs a moral boost and a couple good posts to get it going again." Explained a dark figure from off to the side. "Also, it needs a female for all the men to flock around..." The figure paused, then pushed a button that appeared beside it.

A very beautiful chick popped out of nowhere.

"Whoa... heck, I could get to like you, mr. dark figure dude." Said Itysxm, grabbing the chick and running off to dance.

"Wait!" Said the figure. "Before I can let you have that chick, who's name will be 'Sarah,' I need you to ban Mah and Mannix from posting for a few days so we can get the story back on track. They are *really* screwing it up."

"I agree with his conclusions," Said Pax from off to the side. "Those two are really screwing up."

"Yes, pointless things are a part of the NES, but not in the quantity these two are dishing them out. I vote that they be stopped from posting for a few days."

--- Later ---

"Well, that dance was a great moral booster... Now we can get back to the story." said Speak.

"Yeah, it's a good thing we got Qua-Zzit to that bacta tank quickly... We almost lost him to the stress of so many bad NES posts..." Pax said. "He'd cut off his head, but with the help of super glue and duct tape, we got him all fixed up."

"Phew, now we can go back to the crappy Phantom Menace parody... where were we?" queried threewood

"Well, since we sorta skipped the Boss Nass part at the beginning we can't really go to Furgh's people for help... or can we?" Asked Itysxm.

"Yes! You can come to hidden city! A bigsa army does we have!" cried Furgh. "We can go there! Theysa help us!"

"First, lets get rid of Mannix and Mah..." Said Chokeoff.

--- Later Still ---

"Are you sure they won't die... I mean, we're not allowed to kill them." Stated Arby.

"They will not die, though they will not be bothering us for a while..." Snickered Qua-Zzit, now fully healed.

"What'd you do with them?" Asked Itysxm.

"GONK!" gonked gonk.

posted 06-28-99 10:13 PM ET (US)            

"GONK!", gonked Gonk.

"Which would be?", queried Speak.

"I seem to remember a hot queen around here somewhere...", said Arby.

"GONK!", gonked Gonk, waddling off to some unknown destination.

"Where the hell is he going?", said threewood.

"Looks like he's heading to Theed.", said Itysxm.

"Well.. let him go.. for now.. we've gotta' get help from the Furgh things.", said Pax.

"Yaa! Me-sa show you the city. We-sa Fuughlings got a grand city. Follow me-sa, okiday?", said Furgh.

"Ok.. let's go.. I guess.", said Acin.

** Following Gonk **

The small droid waddled through the streets of Theed, heading for the palace, where the queen was being held.

** Back with the rest of the group. **

Furgh climbs out of the way-too-small-to-hold-the-city-and-all-those-monsters lake and climbs onto the shore. "No one is there! It-sa like a ghost town!", said Furgh.

"Hmmm... well.. where could they have gone?", asked Arby.

"Me-sa know! When Furghlings get in trouble we-sa go to sacred place. You-sa follow me-sa, okiday?", said Furgh, heading off.

Soon enough, the entire group was confronted by what appeared to be a large statue partially sunken in a swap. Grunting was heard nearby. "What the?", said Arby.

"I don't wanna' know...", said Pax.

"Hey! What's this? It looks like... Jedi robes?", said threewood.

"Uh oh..", said Speak.

The grunts grew louder and more hurried.

"Oh god no...", said Itysxm.

Out of one of the bushes ran a stark naked Mannix, with a Furghling riding him up to the group. Then, another Furghling came out, mounted on none other than Maheda. The group, disgusted at the sight of Mannix and Maheda not only nekkid but being mounted by Furghlings, throw up repeatedly.

"Get yourself some clothes.. please..", said Pax.

"We'll pay you..", said threewood, looking upwards so not as to gaze upon the horrible sight of Mannix and Maheda in the buff.

"These are pitiful excuses for love slaves, if you pay us, we shall release them to you.", said one of the guards.

"ok.. just make them put there closes back on... NOW", said Speak.

-Later-

"Ok... that's one image I am going to wipe from my data banks..", said 4-GOM.

"Ok.. so.. we were here for what?", said Pax, still in shock.

"Something to do with the Furghling army?", said Arby.

posted 06-29-99 12:15 AM ET (US)            

"Henh? What? Yousa talking to us?" one of the Furghlings croaked.

"Yes," Pax nodded. "Would it be possible for you to lead us to your ruler? We wish to make a pact that would free..."

"Can meesa hump your leg?"

"Erm, no. You see..."

"Nosa humping, nosa guiding."

Pax looked at the creature for a moment, then at his companions, then at the creature again. "WHY YOU LITTLE-!" Pax yelled, grabbing the Furghling by the throat and shaking him back and forth.

"Master!" Arby shouted in surprise, jumping forward to restrain the Jedi Master. "Control yourself!"

Pax nodded, and started a breathing exercise. "Yes, you're right, young padawan. That was... a lesson... to warn you against... getting mad and throttling small CGI creatures."

"Let me handle this," Itysxm said, stepping foward, his two blasters unholstered. He shoved a barrel up each nostril of the Furghling. "Takes us to your leader, biotch."

posted 06-29-99 11:18 AM ET (US)            

The mayor, Jeff walters, stepped up in front of the rest of the group, dusting off his shirt and tying his shoes, he looked up at CEO Nell.

"Umm... I come before you in, uh... peace." Said the Mayor.

"Whosa disa losa?" whined CEO Nell.

"I am the Mayor of the Drazenites... I am Jeff Walters." said Jeff Walters.

Itysxm stepped out in front of Walters.

"Whosa disa losa?" whined CEO Nell.

"Your highness, I am the mayor of the Drazen." Stated Itysxm.

There was a collective gasp, then Speak stepped forward.

"Whosa disa losa?" whined CEO Nell.

"Actually, sir... I am the Mayor of the Drazenites... I am S4tD."

"What? That's impossible!" said Void, stepping up in front of Speak, Itysxm and Jeff.

"Whosa disa losa?" whined CEO Nell, getting a little impatient.

"Sir, these fools are all wrong. I am the *real* mayor of Drazen." Said Void.

"No you're not." Said Chokeoff, from the back of the Drazenite hoard.

"Oh, you're right, I'm not!" sighed Void.

"Because I am the mayor!" continued Chokeoff, pushing his way forward. "And we need you're help to blow up those Battle Droids."

"Ummm...." said CEO Nell. Glancing at the 5 people kneeling before him. "Who's da real Mayor."

"I am...!" said a new voice.

"Who the hell?" said many Drazenites, turning around.

There stood Jeff Walters.

"Umm... arn't you standing over there?" Asked arby, gesturing at the other Walters.

"No... he's a NES ghost... he'll dissapear soon."

The Jeff at the front dissapeared. The Jeff at the back stepped forward and knelt before CEO Nell.

"We are your humble servants. We need... no, we beg you to help up retake that which is ours... We need you to help us totally bash, crunch, destroy, BLOW up... erm, I mean... We need you to help us distract the battle droid armies so we can sneak into the city." Said Jeff, all without taking a breath.

"Uhhh... Okay! Deal!" Drawled CEO Nell, confused.

posted 06-29-99 11:36 AM ET (US)            

Mayor Walters collapsed and started to twitch a bit.

"GONK!", gonked Gonk.

"Who.. wha... damn.. droid? How..?", Arby muttered.

"Hi, my name is Nat, umm.. is this your droid?", she said.

Pax fainted.

"Errm.. yes.. it is.", said Acin.

"Oh good, well.. he apparently wanted me to meet your for some reason.", she said.

Dylan passed out.

"You seem to be causing a fainting spell amongst us..", said Speak, wiping the drool from his chin.

Arby grabbed a camera and took millions of pictures. "Those are for later.. hehe", he said, blushing.

"Umm.. yeah.", said the goddess who's name was Nat.

posted 06-29-99 01:09 PM ET (US)            

"When did you disagree with me?" Pax asked, as the two began walking along the group, only farther off so that their conversation would be private but they wouldn't get lost.

"Well, uh, I'm not quite sure. I think it was about training the boy-"

"What boy?" Pax said, looking at the group of -ites.

"The boy that you wanted to train, remember? Jedi Council, Master Yogi wanting cheeseburgers...The Goalie kid. Him." Arby pointed towards the -ites.

Little Goalie waved to the two of them. Pax waved back, and Arby nodded politely.

"Oh, him!" said Pax. "You're right, it seems we had forgotten him in all the madness up there." Pax shook his head. "No matter. He's remembered now."

They continued the walk in silence, keeping pace with the rest of the -ites.

"AG!" Arby yelled in surprise. Pax turned and ignited his saber, ready to fight.

"What is it, Padawan?"

"QUIT CALLING ME THAT!" screamed Arby, whose head was tilted backwards. "This stupid braid you made me get is stuck in a tree. It just about ripped the hair out of my head. What the heck is up with this braid, anyway?" With that, he lit his saber and sliced through the braid. "And while I'm at it, I'm getting rid of this, too." And with amazing precision (seeing as how it was on the back of his head) he sliced off the pony tail.

Arby looked to see all of the -ites staring at him.

"Heh. Sorry about that."

***

"So, y'all er the Sith Lohrd?" Trade Federation Guy #1 said, fighting back a laugh at the sight of Maw's bright pink face.

Having been instructed to not speak, Maw simply nodded.

"Well, golly, don't ya reckon that y'all should go stand behind that there door just in case any of them confounded jedi show up?" Trade Federation Guy #2 asked.

Maw nodded.

"Well, then why ain't y'all there?"

Maw nodded again.

"Don't y'all ever talk?"

Maw nodded yet again. (this is getting old)

"Ya know, y'all's face is lookin' purty pink there."

Instead of nodding, Maw decapitated the Trade Federation Guy with his saber and took his place behind the hangar door.

(that should wrap up the Trade Federation guys scenes, at least until the "Wipe them out" one.)

***

"So the plan is simple. The furghlings fight the battledroids while we take back the city." Jeff finished, proud that he had come up with a plan on his own.

"Could you please repeat yourself one more time, because I don't think anyone was paying attention when you went over how exactly to take over the city," Arby said.

"What makes you think that?" Jeff asked.

"Besides the fact that they're all asleep?" Arby replied angrily. "WAKE UP!" he screamed.

As the -ites stirred from their sleep, Arby pushed Jeff out of the way and went over the plan.

"Ok, here's the deal. Furgh and the rest of his..uh...kind, will take on the battledroids, luring them away from the city. I know how they're going to pull it off, and I don't think I want to. Some of you will stay with them, because they're going to need all the help that they can get. The rest of us are going to infiltrate the city. We'll sneak in and attempt to take back the city."

"That's my Padawan," Pax said proudly to no one in particular.

"Mr. Arby, I don't want to be a pain, but can I come along?" Little Goalie asked.

"Oh, sure, why not? Why would we leave a little kid out of an incredibly risky mission? Then he couldn't steal a starfighter and accidentally blow up the droid control ship while saying incredibly stupid phrases." Arby babbled.

"Yippee!" Goalie jumped up and down repeatedly.

"Will someone shut him up already?" Arby asked, jumping down off of the speeder he had been standing on while giving the orders.

"Waitaminute, why are you the leader?" asked Jeff. "I'm the mayor, it's my town, you should all listen to me."

posted 06-29-99 10:19 PM ET (US)            

"Mesa show you our grand army! Grand!" Furgh said to Qua-Zzit beside him, who is now fully healed.

"Lead the way." Qua-Zzit followed Furgh to a spot behind the trees.

"Ta-Da!" Furgh yelled, smiling happy.

Qua-Zzit stares at the spot where five Furghlings are taking a nap.

"Where is the rest?" Qua-Zzit asked.

"What rest?" Furgh asked.

Qua-Zzit stares at Furgh, and turns to where Pax and Arby where. "Have you seen Furgh's "grand" army?" Qua-Zzit asked Pax.

"No . . ." Pax said.

Qua-Zzit heads to where the spot of the "grand" army is. "This, is, the army." Qua-Zzit said.

"What the!!!" Pax yelled.

The rest of the Drazenites ran towards Pax. "What happened?!" Chokeoff yelled.

"This is the "grand" army!" Pax yelled.

"We obviously need to send more people with Furgh than we thought we would." Itysxm said.

"I'll go with Furgh." Qua-Zzit said.

"Count me in too." Itysxm said.

"Whasa wrong?" Furgh said, walking to the rest of the -ites.

"Your "grand" army wasn't as "grand" as you said it was." Void said, frowning.

"What! Yosa didn't see invisible Furghlings?" Furgh asked, raising his arms in the air wildly.

Everyone remains quiet.

"Me gods! What is mesa saying! Mesa get them for you, okiday?" Furgh walked to the spot where the five furghlings were sleeping. "Hey! Wakie up!"

All of a sudden, Furghlings start to appear, spreading miles across the fields.

"So . . . I'm guessing they have cloaking devices on their clothes or something?" Threewood asked Furgh.

"Yesa? Doesn't every grand army hava one?" Furgh asked. "Mesa tell them to get ready, okiday?"

"I have a grander army than yours." Mayor Walters replied.

"Yeah, you sure do, the ones that hid from the battle droids during the invasion?" Arby asked.

"Why yes." Mayor Walters said.

posted 06-30-99 12:42 AM ET (US)            

"NO" the entire group yelled as one.

"Didn't think so. Therefore, I nominate Gonk."

"GONK!?!" Gonk gonked in panic.

"Well," Pax said, "you can't molest a droid...at least I don't think you can...."

"Well if you could," Arby said, "these would be the people who would find a way to."

"GONK!" Gonk gonked out, pleeding with the group, "Gonk gonk gonk! Gonk gonk, gonk gonk gonk!"

"Quit your whining, gonk!" Pax said, "it could be worse."

"GONK?!"

"Well, um....ah...okay, so I can't think of how it could be worse, but...ah..."

"GONK GONK GONK!"

"Gonk, you're staying here, and that's that." Arby said.

"Gonk." Gonk grumbled.

"Hey, Void," Arby yelled, "what's that you got there?"

"Oh this?" Void said, looking up from a portable TV that he had around for when the conversation got boring, "Just watching this strange new show I discovered."

"Lemme see that," Arby said, grabbing the TV and looking at the screen, "What the hell....'Buffy the Vampire Slayer'? Sounds pretty stupid to me."

"Yeah, you're probably right," Void said, putting the TV away, "anyway, don't we have some dark jedi to confront?"

posted 06-30-99 03:41 PM ET (US)            

"wait a damn minute!" Mannix yelled.

"Aw what the hell do you want???" Qua-Zzit whined.

"I'm going to be involved in the plot and none of your baseless acusations are going to stop me." Mannix shot back.

Just as about the group was about to say something.

"Besides I'm not staying with the damn furgh army. It's either space battle, jedi battle or the evil plot to capture the viceroy that I can't remember if he's even in the story." Mannix finished.

"It ain't the jedi battle." Pax said realizing that that rid Him and Arby of Mannix.

"Fine to the fighter bay it is."

Little Goalie tugged on Pax's cape "Where should I go?"

"Just stay with us and find a safe place to hide when the fighting starts like a fighter cockpit or something." Pax replied.

The bunch of people who didnt feel like staying with furghs made there way to the drazen captitol.

The main federation army moved to engage the furghs which happen to have a better force field than anything would decades into the future. To fight with the furghs took out stupid little energy balls to play with.

The Drazen gaurds opend fire on the remaining droids at the capitol.

"The battle is too close! I thought theyd be stupid enough to send a hugely inadequet force to attack us. It seems to be a ploy for a better plot that would actually work and I've been quite easily fooled!" The trade viceroy screamed.

Dark Maw was going to speak but rememberd its cooler for bad guys not to have any lines. he went with his saber down to wait for the jedi.

The heros charged into the hangar bay.

"Get to your ships." Mayor Walters said in a much less enterjectic voice than the trailers for the NES had shown.

posted 06-30-99 04:50 PM ET (US)            

"Are they ever?" Void asked.

"Hey, there's another pilot coming!"

"Contact him and see who he is!" Itysxm said.

All of the sudden, a high-pitched whine echoed through everyone's cockpits.

"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Little Goalie yelled.

"SHUT UP!" everyone yelled back.

"Geez," Void said to everyone but goalie, "is there some way we can get rid of this kid?"

"Hmm..." Mannix thought, "I know! Hey Goalie...."

"Yeah?" Goalie replied.

"Why don't you fly INSIDE that big ship...I'm sure you'll be much safer in there...."

"Oh, okay," Goalie said.

"That was mean," Itysxm said, "but ah hell, I'd pay to see this..."

posted 06-30-99 05:36 PM ET (US)            

The Door in the hangar slide open to reveal Dark Maw!

"Errrr.. I think we be going the long way"
Jeff said.

Pax and Arby drew their lightsabers and prepared to duel with Maw.

"Wow you're face looks bad Gotta try some anger management. You're damn ugly!" Pax said to Maw.

*** SPACE ***

"Im having trouble getting to the hanger I have a fighter on me!" squeaked little goalie. " I know spinings a good trick that works!"

posted 06-30-99 06:48 PM ET (US)            

"Not like you could have come up with anything better, PADAWAN," Pax retorted.

"Oh, that's real clever. Resort to calling me Padawan. Some Jedi you are. No wonder you're not on the Council!" Arby yelled. Maw stared at the two arguing Jedi, shrugged his shoulders, and ignited his saber.

Arby turned to the Sith. "And that's supposed to help you how? There are two of us. That makes two blades to your one. Do the math."

Instead of snapping back, the Sith pressed another button and the other side of his saber sprang to life.

"Oh, that's scary," Pax taunted. "It's cute how your blades match your face, by the way." Maw's pink face turned a deeper shade of pink (or something) as his face flushed with anger.

He charged the Jedi, opening his mouth as if to scream, but no sound came out (as he wasn't allowed to speak). He swung his lightstaff at Arby's face. Arby parried expertly, and swung back.

Maw skillfully deflected Arby's saber, while at the same time managing to swing the other blade at Pax, who also deflected it. This continued for some time, with Arby and Pax occasionally grunting, while Maw didn't make a sound.

Maw flipped back from the two Jedi, and continued to step backwards. Or he would have, but his flip had taken him right into a door.

"Ouch!" mouthed Maw, who stood and used the Force to throw a piece of debris into the door panel to activate it. Unfortunately, he missed and smacked himself in the face with it.

Arby and Pax stared at the Sith, who pointed at another piece of rubble and tried again, this time he smacked the door panel, but it wouldn't open.

Maw held up one finger, signalling for the Jedi to wait, and deactivated the staff. Arby and Pax both deactivated their sabers, and Maw attempted to open the door. He fiddled with the control panel for a few seconds, then turned back to the Jedi. He began making a gesture with his right hand.

"What's he doing, oh wise and all-knowing 'master'?" Arby asked cynically. "I'm sure you're extensive knowledge on everything should help you."

"Must you be so obnoxious, padawan?" Pax asked, looking at Arby. "It's obvious. He wants to play charades." Arby raised an eyebrow at his master and then looked at the Sith.

"Ok, first word...uh...one syllable..uhm," Arby watched as the Sith stuck his right hand out in a fist with one finger pointing forward and twisted it. "Uh...point? Gun?"

*twenty minutes later*

"Drill?" Arby continued guessing.

"LOCK!" Pax screamed in frustration. "He's trying to tell you that the door is locked. THAT'S why you're the padawan, you can't even play charades with a Sith." With that, he picked up a keycard that was conveniently lying on the floor and unlocked the door. "Shall we continue?"

The three reignited their sabers, and Maw threw another piece of something into the switch, and the door slid open with a screech. He backflipped several times, somehow not cutting anything with his saber.

"Fancy, or something," Arby remarked, as his saber made contact with the lightstaff. Pax swung at Arby's feet, and he jumped the blade, facing his master. "Him, not me!" he yelled, backflipping over Maw and attacking him from behind.

posted 06-30-99 07:31 PM ET (US)            

"I'm right behind you, Master," Arby called as Pax zoomed ahead. But then... "Ah, bantha sized Sith cakes," Arby cursed as he realized that he only had three stars on Force Speed and wouldn't make it in time.

Pax sped through the closing Force Field just in time, ending up facing Maw, Dark Lord of the Pink Faced in a round room that had a hole in the floor for no apparent reason. "We have you now, Mr. Bad Guy," Pax laughed in triumph. "You're trapped."

Maw just soundlessly snickered and pointed behind Pax. The Jedi behind him to see Arby pacing back and forth concernedly behind the Force Field. "Er," Pax stuttered. "Uh oh." Turning his attention toward Pax, Arby's eyes suddenly went wide and he started pointing wildly.

Turning back around, Pax couldn't help but notice the large pink face Sith Lord leaping at him. "Ah-ha!" Pax laughed, igniting his lightsaber. "The problem with dramatic leaping attacks is that the opposition has plenty of time to react from the ground!" That said, Pax parried the incoming saber blade, then spun in time to Maw in order to block the second, which was coming from the other direction.

Spinning dramatically, Pax faced Maw once again. "Don't you know that you can't win?" Pax told him as they launched into a flurry of attacks and blocks again. "I'm the hero, (to steal shamelessly from Arby)*parry* you're the villian. You *thrust* die, I live, that's the way it works. *block* Sure, I may loose a hand or two *spin kick* along the way, but eventually, pal, you end up..." *STAB!*

Pax suddenly found he could not speak, as there was a glowing pink saber blade stabbing through his lung.

"Dead?" Maw said evilly. "Now wasn't that a bad ass thing to say? Bwahahahhahahahhahaahhaa!*

"Ooooh," Pax moaned as he dropped to his knees. "That's what I call heart burn!" With that, the Jedi Master crumpled to the floor.

"Wait, this is my cue, isn't it?" Arby said from behind the Force Field. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOOOO! NOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"We get the picture," Maw snarled, advancing on the trapped Padawan. Then, conveniently, the Force Field snapped open.

Arby looked at the Field generator in annoyanced. "Sure, NOW you open..."

Any thought after that was obscured by the flashing of lightsabers and really cool dueling. Really pissed off now, Arby fought like a madman, matching the Sith Lord stroke for stroke, and finally slicing the villain's lightstaff right through the center so that both halfs still functioned. Nonetheless, Maw tossed on aside and continued the fight.

Their saber's locked, and Maw growled at the young Jedi. "You realize I'm missing South Park for this?" he hissed.

"Soo-rry," Arby responded, throughing the Pink Faced one back. "I didn't invite you here."

"Why am I fighting you anyway?" said Maw. "Sure, I don't like Jedi, but this is nutso, going against you while you're like this."

"Well," Arby replied as he launched another attack. "If you stop now and your boss hears you were talking when he told you not to, you just may get your Sith Lord license revoked."

Maw nodded. "Good point. Then again, I could just do... this!" With a wave of his hand, the Dark Lord used the force to push Arby into the big hole in the middle of the floor we mentioned earlier. "Mu-hu-hahahahahahha!" Maw laughed. "So much for... no!"

To Maw's dismay, Arby had landed on a hammock that had been set up in the middle of the shaft. Calming himself and drawing on the light side, Arby lept up, flipped over Maw, and called Pax's lightsaber to his hand.

"Ha!" he yelled, swiping with the weapon.

"What was that?" Maw asked in confusion. "Aren't I suppose to be dead now?"

"Hold on a second," Arby said, shaking Pax's lightsaber. "I've got to figure out how to turn his weird ass lightsaber on."

Maw tapped his foot. "Could you hurry up? I'd like to die sometime this millenia."

"Ok, I got it," Arby said, as he ignited Pax's lightsaber. "Die!" With on smooth stroke, Arby cleaved the rampaging Sith Lord in half, where he fell down the shaft, supposedly to his death, etc.

Arby walked mournfully over to Pax, but he had taken too long, the Jedi Master was already dead.

"Yes," Arby cheered. "I don't have to teach the boy!"

posted 06-30-99 08:00 PM ET (US)            

"Argh! DAmmit!" the ship's controllers, who had been listening in on Goalie the whole time, said, "I can't take anymore of this...that does it, I'm going to self destruct this thing. We'll die, but hopefully so will he."

"But sir," another controller guy said, "what about our cause, and the grand plan, and the---"

"Wooooooohooooooo!" Little goalie yelled.

"okay okay," the other controller said, "I see your point. Just wait until he hits something, so it looks like an accident."

"Hmm, he just blew up a shipping crate."

"That'll do."

"Okay, here goes."

Void, Mannix, and Itysxm watched in glee as the giant droid control ship blew appart.

"YAY!" Mannix yelled, "No more Little Goalie!"

"Woohoo!" Itysxm yelled.

"Um, guys," Void said, "what's that."

Just then, a small fighter spun out of the wrechage.

"Dammit!" they all said in unison.

*****Meanwhile, on the planet*******

"Oh no" Furgh yelled as battledroids surrounded him, "Mesa no likey this!"

"We have to do something, furgh," one of the invisible furghlings, who was captured with furgh, said.

"um, ah," Furgh stuttered, "messa have an idea!"

Furgh turned to the nearest droid.

"Ahem...Meso horny, meso horny, me love you long time!"

The battle droids all looked at one another.

"That's disgusting!" their leader said, "ugh, just shoot them now!"

"Nice going, furgh," the invisible furghling said.

Just then, all of the droids froze.

"Hey," Furgh said, "theysa not workin no more!"

"Yeah," the invisible furghling said, "let's dismantle them right now!"

"No no!" Furgh said, "mesa have better idea!"

"Um, what are you doing, furgh," the invisible furghling asked as furgh picked up one of the droids and started to walk gleefully away.

"Messa gonna make good on my earlier promise!" Furgh said.

***Later...

Furghlings marched down the street playing their special rendition of Louie Louie.

"So," Chancellor Palpitation said, walking up to Little Goalie, who was for some reason sitting up at the main podium with Mayor Walters and RBF, "I'll be keeping my eye on your career...hehe....hehehe....heheheheehe....HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH BWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA.......what? what's everyone looking at?"

"Um, nothing," Arby said, looking down at Little Goalie, who he had some how now been forced to train.

Just then, Mayor Walters saw that all of the furghlings had stopped moving, and were now wandering aimlessly about.

"Hey!" he yelled, putting down his whiskey bottle, "We're up here!"

"oooh," Furgh said, "mesa sorry, mesa get lost again."

"It's a freaking straight path from there to--" Walters yelled, "Oh nevermind, just get up here and give us the gift!"

"Um...gift?" furgh said nervously, "oh, ah..hehe, right....ah, gift....mesa be right back...."

Fuurgh rushed swiftly into a nearby Spencer Gifts.

"Hersa you go," Furgh said, handing Walters a box.

"What the hell is this?" Walters said, opening the box and producing one of those little lightning domes.

"Um, itsa deep, um, meaningful symbol in furghling society."

"Well I can't use this!" Walters said, throwing the dome against furgh's head.

"Okiday," Furgh said, "bring out the backup gift."

Just then a group of furghlings wheeled out a large box. They opened it, and out popped out a woman wearing a ridiculous outfit.

"Thisa be Pakme," Furgh said, "she da backup gift."

"I'll take it!!" Walters said, practically leaping the podium.

"Hey," Void said to Arby as Walters escorted Pakme to the podium, "didn't we forget something?"

"Hmm," Arby said, "I don't think so...."

"Aren't we suppost to have some deep, meaningful creamation of Pax scene?"

"Oh, him?" Arby said, "Bah, I fed him to the woggles...that'll teach him to call me Padawan...."

Everyone cheered as the group all stood on the podium. Goalie glanced up at Pakme and smiled. She smiled back. Goalie smiled again. Just then, Pakme leaned down and said, "you know what, little boy?"

"What?" Goalie said sounding excited.

posted 06-30-99 09:12 PM ET (US)            

Music
John Williams

Director
?

Story stolen from
George Lucas

Special Effects
ILM

Best Boy
Zuppo the wonder pig

Key Grip
Al the locksmith

2nd Unit
Didnt even have a first unit.

Micro Digital Effects
Darth Effects

posted 06-30-99 09:47 PM ET (US)            

"Damn!" a random audience member says. "I wanted to find out who the best boy was!"

Speak then makes two important points to all assembled. "Guys, we have a problem. First, we have at least one loose plot thread. Second, now that we've dispensed with George's stuff, we can now go on and do a mock imitation of the movies that aren't even made yet! We'll show that plaid-shirted freak what a story is!"

Speak shifts back into the story, saying the line he was going to before the credits rudely interrupted him.

"DAMN YOU LOCH NESS MONSTER!" Speak stabbed the creature, then scooped out its innards. One thing that fell out was a somewhat large, plastic-looking tensil. He picked it up.

"What's this?" he asked. "It looks like a spoon, but has the tines of a fork. How odd." He put it in his pocket to examine later. "As for you," he said to the Loch Ness Monster, "here's you tree-fity!"

He stabbed Nessie 350 times.