posted March 10, 1999 06:32 PM EDT (US)        

"Uh, RBF, I hate to burst your bubble, but our last one never actually finished, and besides, everything that can be done has been done. These adventures are getting fairly stale," Acinonyx said from his barstool. "Why can't you just stay here with the rest of us and be content with the occasional bar fight?"

"Yeah," said the dart board.

RBF glanced at the dart board, shook his head, and held up a sheet of paper. "Those tweakos at that Massassi Temple place think that they can just take our ideas! They want their own story! I say we don't let them have it! Who's with me?"

The entire cantina was silent and staring at RBF (who, by this time, was standing on the bar screaming at the top of his lungs.) "WELL?"

The silence was broken by a small rodent running across the floor, being chased by Fuurgh, who was screaming something about eating Shrews.

"Will there be violence?" Entropy asked, holding Doke's box so the Furby didn't eat the bar. Again.

RBF looked at Ent. "Of course there will be violence! Isn't there always violence? And there'll be snappy dialogue (if we can manage it), and alcohol, and STAB!ing, and sea gulls, and too many characters to remember, and elaborately choreographed fight scenes, and possibly some strong language, and the occasional interruption by the post that makes no sense, and fights between major players, and swashbuckling adventure, and do I sound like a salesmen with a problem with being redundant or what?"

Once again, RBF was met with a room full of stares. "Did I mention that JM is one of the Massassi people?"

The room erupted into cheers, and a chant of "No NES For Massassi!" began.

Void hopped up on the bar beside RBF and pushed him backwards. He landed on the taps, spraying beer all over himself. Meanwhile, Void pointed at Slug. "He's a Massassian!"

Slug stood there as everyone in the room turned to face him. "Heh." he said, uncomfortably.

posted March 10, 1999 06:54 PM EDT (US)            

Just then, Pax walked in, and stopped short as he noticed everyone reaching for Slug. "Now what?"

At the sound of his voice, they all stopped, smiling innocently. "Uh..." Void stuttered. "He's Massassi?"

"Massassi?" Pax repeated, not understanding. Then, after a second, he looked around. "Wait, this is Yet Another NES, isn't it?"

"That's right," RBF said proudly. "The Massassians are trying to move in on our NES."

Pax shook his head. "I warned 'em. I guess we're just going to go straighten them out."

"Yeah!" everyone yelled.

"What about Slug?" AC spoke up.

"Salt 'em!" Void shouted.

"No, no, no," Pax said. "The problem isn't the Massassi leadership, it's the morons they serve."

Void planted his fists on his hips. "So what do you suggest doing about it?"

posted March 10, 1999 06:58 PM EDT (US)            

'I used to hang out there,' said Ramen. 'I know how we can land undetected.'

'Ooh Ooh!' said Jeff while raising his hand.

'Go ahead, Jeff.'

'Well, you know that holodrama, "Dweetax's Inferno," with the different levels of punishment and all that? I say we do that. So for the people that keep asking "How do I make san files?" we could do something really jacked up to them, and have something different for those that start a new TC every week.'

'Sounds sadistic,' said Void. 'I'm in.' The rest of the patrons agreed.

'Ok, let's get mad drunk since this is a cantina,' said Pax. 'We'll conduct planning tomorrow. Someone call the escort service.'

The -ites partied the night away.

*** Meanwhile, outside the Cantina ***

High above the solar plane in the Urf system, during the -ites party, a frigate sized craft reverted to realspace. She was an unifinished, boxy craft, with barely a super structure to hold her together. The name was the most prominent part of the ship: Pokémon TC. A small probe launched launched from her poorly made hull....

posted March 10, 1999 08:18 PM EDT (US)            

"GONK! GONK GONK GONK!", gonked the power droid, as usual he was ignored.

"WILL YOU GUYS LISTEN THE HELL UP?!?!?!?", yelled the angered droid.

Again he was ignored. "Hmm.. umm.. I know! HEY GUYS! WE'RE OUTTA' BEER!", yelled the boxy droid.

"WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?", came the general response as everyone turned their attention to the droid.

posted March 11, 1999 01:50 PM EDT (US)            

"Doesn't that fruit loop jon own a weapons and droid shop around the corner?" suggested Ramen.

The cantina patrons didn't take too kindly to this suggestions and started to boo and hiss, whilst whipping bottles and ber cans at ramen in disgust.

"Wait" interupted rbf "I know some one, in fact we all do. After our last adventure together she just happen to apply to Brown university where she's studying robotics. Plus she could help us kick massassisian ass."

"Oh No!" screamed entropy nervously "Rbf, I thought we talked about this. She's nuts in the head. I had to get a restraining from her after that adventure to that planet where we found darkness. she's a nut I tell you! man, i thought i got rid of her."

posted March 11, 1999 08:34 PM EDT (US)            

Void walked over to the wall and broke open a small glass panel, behind which there was a red button. Void then proceded to hit the button. Three seconds later, two white vans pulled up outside the cantina. A large group of men in white coats stepped out.

"Okay people," Their leader said, "I have orders to have you all apprehended."

"What?" Rbf yelled, "No, no no! You just want our insane friend, Entropy!"

Entropy waved.

"I'm sorry, orders are orders."

"OH MY GOD!" Pax yelled, pointing to a patch on one of their arms, "THEY'RE MASSASSIANS!"

"Our cover has been blown," The leader said, "let's get them!"

"RUN AWAY!" The -ites screamed in unison, pushing violently past the men in white coats/massassians and charging down the street.
"Shall we go after them?" one of the massassians asked

"No," Their leader said, going into the storage area of the Cantina, and coming back out with a large, leather bound book, "we have what we came for. Begin altering it for our purposes. Now to return to Yavin....Lord Lozier will be most pleased."

The -ites continued to run, until they came to a large statue in the center of the city (whatever city this may be), where a large statue of Pax, RBF, and Jeff had been erected in their honor, for saving the planet from Jawoks.

"What?" Pax said, "we have one of these now?"

"Convienient plot device," Void whispered, "play along."

All of the sudden, there was a bright flash of light. All of the buildings mysteriously transformed into large stone temples, and the statue had been replaced by a statue of JM, Mongoose, and BrianL.

"Oh no!" Jeff said, "They've captured the NeS!"

"They must have begun to alter it!" Pax said, "We have to go to Yavin and get the NeS back from their main temple!"

"Wait wait wait!" RBF said, "we can't just barge on in there!"

"Why not?" the group replied in unison

"Well, because, you know, we could get all killed and stuff!" RBF said, "Anyway, I think we should ask slug if he knows any weaknesses in the--"

All of the sudden, everyone realized that slug had gone with the Massassians.

"Dammit!" Pax yelled, "okay, we got to get gonk fixed. He might know something. We could go to Jon or Buffy, which shall it be?"

"Well," RBF said, "with Buffy we get a hot blonde chick who according to Ent is extremely affectionate, but with Jon we get--"

Just then, RBF realized he was now standing alone in the middle of the city. Then he noticed the -ites running towards their ship.

posted March 11, 1999 08:37 PM EDT (US)            

'Do what?' asked Pax. RBF growled in response.

Just then, long green streaks began to fall from the sky. 'Aw crap!' said Jeff. 'They're bombarding the launchpads!'

Pax hit a small button on his neck. 'Shields up on the Storm Runner,' he yelled. Just as he said that the green hail of turbolaser found it's marks - Captain Ramen's ship, the Lightfoot, and Mr. Goalie's ship, the Intimidator.

'Frakin frak!' yelled Ramen. 'I just lost 120 men!'

'Aw hell, I lost my Goalie equipment,' said Mr. Goalie. Ramen just growled. Soon the -ites were aboard the Storm Runner and were on their way out of the system.

'We gotta get Buffy!' screamed RBF. He went to his locker and retrieved a small brown book o' spells. 'I'm opening a vortex to the WB,' he explained. 'Hopefully we get the right show and get her out of there.' Everyone just shook their heads in pity.

RBF made some noises and gestures and exclaimed 'Alakazam!' A white puff of smoke appeared.

'Wow, it worked!' said Void. A figure stepped out of the smoke.

'I don't want... yur lahf,' said the figure.
Justin0 lowered his blaster and fired. 'Next,' he said. RBF repeated the incantation. This time a little troll-like creature with funny ears stepped out.

'Isn't that the "Sm-?"' asked Jeff. Before he finished his sentence Justin0 fired again.

'Next.'

RBF tried again. This time, when the snoke cleared, a beautiful young woman holding a wooden stake was revealed. RBF and Entropy passed out.

'You must be Buffy,' said Jeff. 'Someone fill her in. I have work to do.' He got back to repairing the blaster scorched Gonk.

posted March 11, 1999 08:48 PM EDT (US)            

"What's it look like? This droid is badly damaged, we need to repair him in time to possibly save the uninverse! (again!)", explained Jeff.

"Ah.. well.. If you don't mind my asking.. why are you connecting the servo motors to the main power capacitator of the droid? Won't it overload it and cause it to explode?", said Buffy.

Jeff stood dumbstruck.. Meanwhile Pax managed to revive RBF. "Hey man! You ok? We lost you for a sec there!", said the cyborg.

"Yeah.. but I had this great dream.. we all met Buff--", RBF cut his sentence short as he happened to glance Buffy bent over repairing the broken Gonk, he promptly fainted again.

"I guess we'd better get used to this.", said Goalie.

Pax returned to slapping RBF and dousing him with water. In the cockpit of the black hued Corvette, Cho'Koth sat in the pilot's chair. "Ok.. so we found Buffy guys.. shouldn't we be leaving before the Massassians find us and cleave us into irregular, non-convex blocks?", he said.

"Umm.. yeah, I guess so.", said Pax.

RBF suddenly sat up and screamed, "SOMEONE MADE SENSE!", then, upon viewing the well formed keister of Buffy, fainted again promptly.

Suddenly Entropy woke up, still slavering over Buffy. "Huh? AWWW DAMMIT! Why'd you have to wake me up?!?!?!?", he yelled, grabbing Goalie, "I was having the BEST dream! Put me out again! DO IT DAMMIT! DO IT!"

"Ummm.. Ent.. look over there.", Goalie said pointing to Buffy.

Ent's jaw dropped to the ground. "Oh.. my.. God.. IT'S BUFFY!", he yelled, and having been so overwhelmed, fainted once again...

OOS:
sorry about this. My ISP was jacked last night, and it wouldn't load anything. GRRR! I had a whole cool post written up too! Oh well.. *grabs rifle* C'mere stupid ass ISP! C'mere!

[This message has been edited by Gonk (edited March 12, 1999).]

posted March 12, 1999 12:30 AM EDT (US)            

* * *

Wazzit wakes up, looking at his surroundings, noticing the bartender and his drink right infront of him. He remebers the the day Sinclair left, searching for some kind of new type of beer, and now, he has not made contact from the -ites for more than two months, all he does now is just sleep at the bar on Mos Eisley Cantina.

* * *

"There, he's all finished" Jeff walks in, with gonk, fully charged.

"What took you so long?" RBF asked.

"Hey, Gonk's circuts are a lot different than the ones I've seen." Jeff replied, "Has Buffy been briefed."

"Oh yeah . . ." RBF says staring at Buffy.

Buffy slaps RBF, waking him up.

"Oh, yeah, Ramen gave her specs on the Massassi Temple." RBF said, shaking his head from the hard slap.

"Hi guys"

Everyone turns around, to see Dylan walk in.

"Ummm, Dylan, you know there are rules not to just walk in the story once its going you know?" Entropy said.

posted March 12, 1999 01:43 PM EDT (US)            

Just then, Acinonyx poked his head into the room. "Guys," he said, "I think you need to see this."

"What?" Ramen asked as they followed Acin towards the bridge. "Haven't we jumped into hyperspace yet?"

"We were just about to reach the out of system jump point," Acin answered. "But the Massassians have layed a trap for us."

"What?" Void yelled. "What are we just strolling along like we're going to the Jawa meat market?"

"What's out there?" RBF cut off Void's rant. "Mines? Blockade ships?"

"Worse," Acin said as he opened the door to the cockpit and pointed.

"Oh no!" Justin0 panicked.

"We're doomed!" Gonk wailed.

"I don't believe it!" Void chimed in.

Jeff shook his head. "Jedi_Killer was right..."

"What the hell are those?" Buffy asked.

"Space Monkeys," Pax growled. "Suit up, we're gonna have to go out there and take them out mano-a-monkey..."

posted March 12, 1999 02:20 PM EDT (US)            

"I see them up ahead." commented an un-named person, wearing a red spacesuit.

"We all see them up ahaid!" Pax yelled.

The group floated toward the cloud of the strange creatures, when a blaster bolt fired out of the flock and vaporized the un-named man.

"That happened a bit early." Pax commented. "Space monkies? Blasters?"

"Aha! So you have arrived at last!" a high-pitched, whiny voice exclaimed. "I've been waiting for you!"

"JM." Acinonyx identified the commander of the space monkies. "So you've decided to show your ugly mug." he hefted his blaster.

A trio of shots fired through space, stabbing at the -ites. Acinonyx fired back at the Massassian.

posted March 12, 1999 05:16 PM EDT (US)            

Jeff sighed a sigh of relief, "We took care of him."

Just as the words were out of his mouth a frigate exited hyperspace.

"I wonder what the hell that is," Goalie said.

A voice boomed from the megaphone "I never knew I had to face you again..."

"Doesn't that sound like LuceNT?" RBF wispered to Gonk.

"Silence! I will take a hostage. You will pay the Massassians 50 thousand credits, If you don't, I will kill the hostage. Since I don't want to play favorites, I'll let JM pick."

JM pulled the tractor beam lever and Gonk started to be pulled towards the frigate

"NOOOOOO!" Gonk gonked as he was pulled away in the tractor beam.

As the frigate, with Gonk and JM in tow was blasting into hyperspace, Pax said, "Now what are we going to do?"....

[This message has been edited by Mr Goalie (edited March 12, 1999).]

posted March 12, 1999 07:33 PM EDT (US)            

"Wait, then what did LuceNT and JM take?" Void asked.

"Well, I packed Gonk's frame with wall to wall C4."

"Woohoo!" everyone cheered.

"Pusha de button!" Entropy whooped.

"It won't work while they're in hyperspace," Buffy explained. "We'll have to track them back to... where ever they're going and detonate it there."

Pax shrugged. "Great. At least we get to see the explosion. Now, let's clear out these Space Monkeys and get moving!"

posted March 12, 1999 07:43 PM EDT (US)            

"No, just monkies," Pax said, "now let's make this easy...Void, go throw the contents of the crate marked z-938183q out into space."

Void ran back, and threw the content of the crate, which was a bunch of bananas, out the airlock.

"Okay," RBF said, "Now what?"

"Just wait." Pax said, grinning evily.

Just then all of the space monkies instinctively flew towards the bananas. They all grabbed onto them and started to fight over them.

"Now, Acin," Pax said in a calm voice, "kindly push the red button over there on the wall."

Acin obediently walked over to the wall and hit a large red button found there. Instantly the bunch of bananas blew up, sending shards of monkey scattering throughout the sector.

"Gooood," pax said, "now, I'm assuming they're headed for the main temple on Yavin, so we should probably--"

"Um, Pax," Acin said, "we got a problem. Bounty Hunters, lots of them. Wait, one of them is contacting us."

Suddenly on the screen appeared an image of a mandalorian clad bounty hunter.

"Greetings -ites," he said, "I am Mal, Abnor Mal. I have come to collect a large bounty on you, placed by--"

"Wait," Acin said, "one of the other hunters is contacting us...we'll put you on split screen."

Suddenly another mandalorian armor clad bounty hunter appeared on the other side of the screen.

"Hello, I am--"

"wait wait," Acin said, "we got three more hunters trying to talk to us, we'll split the screen some more."

Just then, three more hunters, again, all wearing mandalorian armor appeared in smaller squares of the screen.

"I am here to collect the bounty post by--" the three new hunters started to say simultaniously.

"No," one of them said, "I'm hear to collect it!"

"No way," the first hunter said, "I got here first!"

"Oh shut up," the second said, "I'm closer to them, I get the bounty!"

"You shut up," another said, "geez, what, did you pull that armor out of a bloated sarlacc?"

"Oh you should talk!" the second hunter said, "Your armor looks like you got it at Value Village!"

"Oh yeah?" another hunter said, "well your armor looks like--"

Just then, they all realized that the Storm Runner was no longer there.

"Well I'll be fucked," Abnor said, "they ran away!"

"well," another hunter said, "should we follow them?"

"I'm going to follow them," another hunter said, "but you can all stay here."

"What do you think we're fools?"

"Yeah I do!"

The fighting continued on for hours.

***meanwhile, on the storm runner***

"Well that was weird," pax said, "now then, how long until we reach Yavin?"

"Well," Jeff said, looking at the nav computer, about...uh oh."

"What?"

"Um," Jeff said, "we kinda entered the wrong coordinates."

"So where are we headed."

"we're headed for....

posted March 12, 1999 09:26 PM EDT (US)            

"No, I'm just wretchedly stupid." ZoSo admitted. "But, really, we're at a planet."

Everybody crowded around the portal and looked at the planet.
"What the..." Acinonyx started, but was interrupted by the planet turning into Brian Lozier's face. A deep laughter sounded through the ship, then the face faded into space.

posted March 12, 1999 11:23 PM EDT (US)            

"Well, that was pretty stupid, but not as stupid as the time that crazy Leia girl came and wanted us to turn in Justin." Jeff remarked.

"I don't know about you guys, but the time Schmuck made his own NeS was pretty stupid." Said Void.

"You have a point." Agreed Acinonyx.

Everyone looks around.

"Why the hell are we just standing here talking about the past? Weren't we going to go kick some Massassian ass?" Someone said in the crowd.

Dylan looks outside the window, "Hey guys, what is that?"

Everyone comes to Dylan to see what he is fussing about. "Hey, thats a box!" someone said.

"No stupid, it's a Borg thing from Star Trek, you know, one of those big Death Star wannabes?" Void told the crowd.

"Wait a minute, we are in the Star Wars universe right?" Entropy thought outloud.

"Well, yes . . . but you are also in the Star Trek galaxy."

Everyone turns to the person standing in the doorway. "Hey, who are you?" Pax yells at the mysterious figure.

"My name is Wuzzy." Said the dark figure.

"The bear?" Fuurgh asks.

"No, I'm the brother of Wazzit."

"Wow, man, who named you guys?" Buffy asks.

* * *

"Sorry Wazzit, but your brother was written in the script and the director doesn't need brothers in the story." Wazzit's Agent said.

"You mean Wuzzy took my place?!" Wazzit yells outloud. Everyone in the Cantina stares at Wazzit.

* * *

"So . . . where is Wazzit?" Jeff asks Wuzzy.

"He is pissed drunk over at the Mos Eisley Cantina, probably getting the news that I'm replacing him." Wuzzy replied.

"Hey, do you drink?" RBF asked.

"No."

"Hey! I like Wuzzy better than Wazzit! We won't have to stop at the liquor store as often!" Dylan yelled outloud.

* * *

Wazzit looks at his agent. "I'm getting a new agent."

posted March 13, 1999 12:03 AM EDT (US)            

"What on Drazen is that thing??" Pax queried.
"Shh!" Wuzzy replied.

Brian Lozier's face appeared out of nothingness again, and moved near the cube.
The giant's hands appeared, and began slicing pieces off of the cube. The discarded bits floated away and disappeared in thin... uh.. space.

As the -ites watched in utter amazement, the finished result of Brian's work, an Imperial-class Star Destroyer, was roaring toward the Storm Runner at flank speed.

"You know that I control the Galaxy! It is foolish to come against me!" he proclaimed, and disappeared again.

posted March 13, 1999 12:14 AM EDT (US)            

"Run around and scream like 4 year old girls?", commented Goalie.

"Umm.. no.. Umm.. we.. umm..", said Jeff.

"I think Goalie is right for once.. wouldn't panicking be the appropriate response in this case?", said RBF.

"Wait!", yelled the well formed vixen named Buffy, as she did so, Entropy fainted, "We could detonate that C4 inside Gonk and make Lozier's ISD into a big roman candle."

RBF stood up suddenly and yelled, "THAT MADE SENSE! But since you are who you are, I'll let you go, if.. heh.. you.. umm.. 'do a little show for me'"

Buffy punches RBF in the gut. "Owie!", he yelled in a high pitched voice.

"Ok..", interrupted Jeff, "Where were we?"

posted March 13, 1999 11:25 AM EDT (US)            

"Oh." Jeff looked outside at the ISD, "Where is the detonator for the C4?"

"Its right here." RBF handed Jeff the detonator."

"Wait, we have bigger problems." Wuzzy said, walking to a window, staring at the ISD. "The Massassians have built a machine . . . that is slowly merging the Star Trek galaxy and the Star Wars galaxy. Hell, they even included a tutorial on it."

"Why are they doing that?" Entropy asks.

"They didn't have a large enough visitors. So now they are going to get double the visitors with the Star Trek galaxy merged with the Star Wars galaxy." Wuzzy explained.

"Wow, thats pretty bad." Void said.

"Thats not all." Wuzzy turns around to the the -ites. "Lozier with his cleaving skills has created an army of replica JMs."

posted March 13, 1999 04:23 PM EDT (US)            

"HAHAHAHA!" Lord Lozier laughed, looking out on his hoard of JMs, "First the NeS, then the galaxy!"

"Um, sir," Jepman said in a squeeky voice, "the emissary from VotJ is here to see you."

"Ah yes," Lozier said, "send him in."

Jep left the room and came back a moment or two later, followed by an extremely pale, extremely thin man, dressed in a black trench coat.

"Greetings, Lord DooM," Lozier said, "I welcome you to Massassi Temple!"

"Thank you Lord Lozier," DooM said in an incredibly fake sounding squeeky voice, "I am pleased that you have allowed I, DooM, Prince of Sorrow, to partake in your conquest of the galaxy!"

"Yes Lord DooM," Lozier said, "now then, what can you offer to the--"

All of the sudden, DooM collapsed.

"What the hell?" Lozier barked. Then, just as fast as he had collapsed, DooM got back up.

"What the hell was that, DooM?" Lozier said.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I've been passing out a lot...probably because I'm so tired...I hate school...man. I wish I had some friends. I like pickles. Mittens are--"

"Shut up!" Lozier yelled.

"I am sorry, it's just that there is so much sorrrroooowwww in my life...."

"I SAID SHUT UP!"

"yes, sir."

"Now then," Lozier said, in a very irritated voice, "I want you to take a pack of JMs, and destroy the -ites, so that I may rule the galaxy, as it's Emperor!"

"Well, actually, I think that anarchy is a much better idea. By the way, is anything gettin' you down? why not share it at the Pool of Tears at VotJ...I think it would make you feel much bet--"

"SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!"

"AHHH!! More sorrow!"

"JUST TAKE THOSE JMS AND KILL THE -ITES YOU PALE LITTLE FREAK!"

"AHH! THE SORROW! TOO MUCH!!"

DooM collapsed again, and then a few minutes later got back up.

"It will be done. I DooM, Prince of Sorrow, shall--"

"JUST GO!"

posted March 13, 1999 04:48 PM EDT (US)            

"Ok ok, let's see.. got it! Topic: Should we detonate the C4? Use !aye or !nay.", yelled Acin from the cockpit.

"What the hell?", asked Buffy, perplexed.

"Don't ask.", said Goalie.

"I say we blow it up, who's with me?!?!?", yelled Jeff.

"Wait! We could always extend the storyline by boarding the ISD and defeating the pitiful Massassians like we always do!", yelled Pax.

"Well my way has big explosions!", yelled Jeff.

"But mine has little explosions and lots of blood!", yelled Pax.

** Outside **

A large, blocky starship reverts to realspace above the Massassian ISD.

** Back with the squabbling -ites **

"They're never gonna' decide are they?", Buffy asked Dylan.

"Well.. this is how they get things done, they beat each other senseless, and whoever gets knocked out first loses.", explained Dylan.

Meanwhile Jeff had put Pax in a sleeper hold, and was about to break his neck, when a whiny, melancholy voice comes over the intercomm...

"Is this thing on? It is? Oh.. ummm.. damn.. you've ruined my big entrance.. oh the sorrow!", said the voice.

"I know that voice! It's DooM!", yelled Void.

"Oh.. err.. umm.. Yes, it is!", said DooM, apparently feigning menace, "Surrender your ship now, or my block fighters will turn you all into space dust!"

"OOOO! I'm sooo scared!", mocked Entropy.

"Ooo.. no one respects me.. oh the sorrow..", said DooM, "Err.. I mean.. umm.. This is your last warning!"

"Sorry DooMie.. we can't do that!", yelled Jeff, still holding Pax in a sleeper hold.

"Ooo.. well.. I guess.. I'll have to destroy you.. goodbye..", DooM said, closing the channel.

"Umm.. guys? What are those things?", said Goalie, pointing out the window.

"They look like.. blocks? with wings?", said Dylan.

"Umm.. oh boy.. he wasn't bluffing.. Get to the turrets!", yelled RBF.

posted March 13, 1999 09:20 PM EDT (US)            

"Here it is again, then," RBF said, handing the detonator to Jeff.

"Somebody get the holocam," Jeff said as he rubbed the big red button. "Pax'll want to see this when he wakes up." Thus saying, he stabbed down on the button with his index finger.

But instead of the ISD, DooM's blocky attempt at a Frigate exploded in a blaze of fire.

"Wait a minute, that was... ah, the wrong ship..."

RBF snapped his fingers. "That was the ship JM and LuceNT where one. Why did we think that our Trojan Gonk was on the ISD anyway?"

"Buffy said so!" Entropy exclaimed. "It is so!"

"Oops," she shrugged nonchalantly. "You seen one space ship, you've seen 'em all."

"Well, at least that takes care of DooM and half his unlaunched fighters," Jeff noted.

"Unless," Entropy said, "That that horribly modeled ISD has a full complement of equally horribly modeled TIE fighters."

Just then, AC's voice came over the intercomm. "Got something new on the scopes from that Star Destroyer. Looks sorta like an expressionist's version of a TIE Defender.

RBF glanced at Entropy. "Even better..."

posted March 13, 1999 09:54 PM EDT (US)            

"What?" Jeff yelled, "Get out my J.E.D Scope."

Jeff put the J.E.D scope to his eye and looked out at the fighters.

"What the...HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! THEY FORGOT TO MAKE .KEY FILES FOR THOSE THINGS!!!"

"Ugg..." Pax said, crawling off the deck, "did I miss anything."

"Well..." Void started to say, but then stopped, "no."

"Okay, good," Pax said, "I hate it when I--"

Just then, a wire frame appeared in the center of the Storm Runner in the shape of a person. Then, in a disney-the-making-of- some-computer-animated-movie style, mats flew onto the 3do...forming none other than DooM.

"Um....what the hell was that?" JEff said.

"APparently," Pax said, "Lozier has discovered that if he writes it in the NeS, it becomes fact."

"Ohhhhh the sorrrrooowwww....." DooM said in a dizzy sounding voice.

"Hey," RBF said, "There are some very familiar ships approacing...it's those weird ass bounty hunters again. They're hailing us."

"Hey!" one of the hunters said, "You're flying to close to my ship! Back off, Jack ass!"

"You back off! You're helmet's on crooked!"

"It is not! And unlike you, I wear a helmet because I want to, not because my face is so ugly I have to hide it!"

"Oh yeah? Well so's your momma's!"

"Um, guys?" Jeff said, interrupting the feuding hunters, "was there a reason you contacted us?"

"Oh yes," one said, "we are here to collect a bounty on--"

"We've already told them that, moron!" another hunter yelled over the com.

"Well excuuuuusssse me!"

"HEY!" DooM yelled from behind the -ites, who were busy placing bets on which hunter would snap first, "Remember me? SORRRROOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW!!!"

"Oh yeah," Pax said, decking the pale freak, "sorry."

"uggh...so much sorrow..." DooM said, "No matter..."

Just then, several other wire frames appeared, which became horribly designed Vampires.

"VAMPIRES???" Void said, "Okay, that does it. I'm out of here. Be back later."

And with that Void opened up a void portal and stepped through.

"Damn, oh well," RBF said, "we got the expert right here...Buffy...BUFFY!"

Just then, RBF turned around to see Buffy making out with Entropy
"Oh, um sorry," she said, " well, back to work...no rest for the weary...time to stake some vamps."

posted March 13, 1999 10:35 PM EDT (US)            

"Yes...and if the same bait were able to distract the bounty hunters..." continued Pax.

"And if that dynamic bait was able to incapcitate the massassians, we'd be in luck." finished Acin

"I know of only one person so dynamic, so smart, so EXPENDABLE that we don't even remember him!" cried Jeff

"4-GOM!" everyone but Buffy yelled.

"Who's 4-GOM?" asked Buffy.

"Some droid that no one seems to remember anything about." said Void.

"Ramen, where'd you put 4-GOM? Is he in a closet?" asked Acin

"Yeah, but he makes a good umbrella holder. He should be in the coat closet." said Ramen, offhandedly.

4-GOM was brought before the -ites, umbrellas sticking out of his arms and legs.

"Turn him on." commanded Jeff. "Inform him of the mission, then send him out the airlock."

posted March 14, 1999 01:24 AM EDT (US)            

'Oh wait a minute,' said Buffy, 'this is probably why I'm here. Duh!' She got right to work on kicking some major vampire booty. Shouts of 'hyah!' and 'oomph' could be heard as Buffy drove stake after stake into vampire flesh. RBF just drooled. Entropy just passed out.

'Get ahold of yourself you bloody wankers!' yelled Jeff, dismayed at the childish fawnings of the pair.

'Ba ba ba,' driveled RBF. Just then a vampire crashed to the deck at his feet. He looked up and saw Buffy. He could've sworn she winked at her. He passed out.

'Loser,' Taraea said.

*** Back at Massassi ***

Lord Lozier, cheiftain of the -ians, paced back and forth in his temple sanctuary. He was not pleased. Dammit, he thought, why do I waste my time with these idiots? I try to ahow them how to correctly build something, and all they do is ignore my teachings! The greatest architects in the galaxy come here to teach, but to no avail. All they do is squabble about stupid things. Ah well.

Slug slithered out of the darkness. 'A priority 1 transmission for you, sire.'

'Put it through.'

It was Lord Admiral Ryan, commander of all -ian naval forces. 'Sir, we've lost the Box Canyon. She caught the full brunt of the Storm Runner's turbolasers. Perhaps if she was built properly....'

'Sigh,' was all Lozier could think of. Most of the -ian navy was poorly constructed. However, a few ships, like Admrial Ryan's Imperial Siege on Derra IV were top of the line. 'Withdraw the rest of the fleet to Yavin IV. We'll lay a Client / Server trap for them here.'

'Aye aye,' came the response. Ryan saluted, then shut the comlink.

*** Back on the Storm Runner ***

'Hey, look at that,' said Jeff. 'The ships are leaving.' Cheers rang throughout the ship. Buffy had just finished dispatching the vampire problem.

The non-descript guy spoke up. '4GOM is finished. Jeff, activate him with your voice key. He'll take the shuttle and begin fufilling his programming.'

'Authroization Jeff JK.net-Drazen-Nihilistic-Ch-Ching!' he said. 4GOM immediately headed down the corridor to the shuttle bay. 'We'll give him a 24 hour head start. Then the Storm Runner will head towards Yavin in a roundabout course.'

'I'll begin plotting right away,' said Bekka. She headed towards astrogation.

'Lets relax,' said Pax. 'Too bad we can't get the escort service out here.'

Just then a brief flash of light appeared on the deck. It engulfed Buffy. 'Nooooooooo!' yelled RBF. She collasped to the deck. RBF rushed to help her, but she rose soon after.

'Buffy,' said Entropy, 'are you ok?'

'Who's that,' said Buffy. 'My name is Kathryn Merteuil, and I will not be spoken to like that.' She reached for the cross at her neck and opened it. Out came a white powder that dissappeared up her nose. 'Who wants to party?' she asked.

'Houston,' said Pax, 'I think we have a problem.'

posted March 14, 1999 12:34 PM EDT (US)            

"Now what are we going to do!?" Entropy and RBF yelled at the same time.

Wuzzy shrugs, "hit her on the head again I suppose."

"No way!" RBF said, grabbing a bat from Pax's hand.

Bekka walks in, "I'm done plotting the course, I've already uploaded it to the ship's computer."

"Got it." Said Jeff heading to the controls.

"Wait, wait, wait, just what do you think your doing?" Pax said, running after Jeff, "This is my ship! Only I can fly it!"

* * *

Lord Lozier looks at his at the huge monitor on the wall, creating a cleave with his wireless keyboard.

"Ahhh, finished. With this new battle ship, I shall rule the Galaxy!!!"

"Oh the sorrow!" Yelled DooM to himself.

* * *

"Someone get Pax to Medical Bay." Jeff told Wuzzy as he finished doing his sleeper hold again on Pax. Wuzzy nods his head and picks up Pax and heads to the Medical Bay.

* * *

"Deploy my latest creation! The Galaxy Crusher!!!" Lord Lozier said with his keyboard raised in the air.

"Oh the sorrow!" DooM yelled.

"Shut up! Shut up NOW!" Lozier said, looking down at DooM, "I'm trying to enjoy this!"

"Oh the sooooooorrrrrowwwww!" DooM yelled again.

Lozier starts to grabs DooM's neck and breaks it with one hand.

posted March 14, 1999 01:13 PM EDT (US)            

"Y-y-y-yes sir?" Jep man stuttered

"Has the programmer I hired arrived yet?"

"Yes sir," Jep said.

"THEN BRING HIM HERE!"

"R-r-r-r-right away, sir!"

A few minutes later, Jep returned with a very odd looking person following him.

"Ah," Lozier said, "Mattius Welaneder! How good to meet--"

"IT'S MATTIAS WELANDER!!!! WELANDER!!!!" Mattias yelled at the top of his lungs.

"Geez, sorry," Lozier said, "I didn't know that it was that big of a deal. Anyway, how soon can you start programming my ship?"

"Oh that," Mattias said in a stuck up voice, "I have prepared a special program for you little, hehe, "ship" that I think you'll like...I call it Planetgoboom3D!"

"Planet Go Boom 3D?" Lozier repeated.

"THERE'S NO SPACES BETWEEN THE WORDS YOU MORON!!!! I'LL GET SUED!!!!"

"I'm sorry," Lozier said, "I didn't--"

"THAT'S IT! I'M NOT WORKING ON THIS PROJECT ANYMORE!!!"

And with that Mattias stormed out of the room.

"Well that was odd," Lozier said to Jep, "he just--"

Just then, Mattias ran back into the room.

"Wait wait wait!" He said, "Now although you all made me very angry, I realized that it would be a crime to not share my genious with the galaxy...it would be like robbing them of my--"

"JUST GET UP TO THE SHIP AND INSTALL YOUR STUPID PROGRAM!!!!!" Lozier bellowed.

posted March 14, 1999 11:15 PM EDT (US)            

"Come on Buffy! Don't you remember the good times?!" Entropy yelled outloud at Buffy, or Kathryn Merteuil.

"I shall not have that kind of talk here!" Buffy slaps Entropy.

Acinonyx walks to the bridge, finding Jeff struggling with the controls, "Problem?"

Jeff looks back at Acinonyx, "Hey, you try flying a big ship all by yourself."

"Uh huh."

* * *

Mattias walks in the chamber where Lord Lozier is, "I have finished fully programing the ship with my genius program, Planetgoboom3D! I am a genius!"

Lord Lozier looks back at Mattias, "Is it ready for launch?"

"Urrr no . . . I'm going to have to delay it for awhile even though it's finished." Mattias told Lozier, giving him a shrug.

"What?!"

"Yeah, I kept on getting bad feedback, so I'm delaying it, wait, nevermind, I'm never going to release it!" Mattias walk out of the room.

Lord Lozier sits down at his throne. Trying to get rid of his headace, "Guards, execute Mattias."

"Yes sir."

* * *

"Ugh, what happened?" Pax said, getting up from the Medical Bed.

"Jeff put you in a sleeper, and now he's flying the ship." Wuzzy said, in the medical computer.

"What?!" Pax got up and ran for the bridge.

* * *

"Hey!? What are you doing?! Let go of me!" Mattias said, trying to slip away from the guards. The guards pick him up, and look over the top of the temple, "Oh no! I'm too much of a genius to die!"

"Yeah? Lord Lozier is not happy with you. You must be executed."

"Wait! I'll give you anything! Anything you want!!!" Mattias said, whimpering.

"Oh? Give us the data for the ship so Lord Lozier can use the Galaxy Crusher." Said one of the other guards.

"Oh! Yes, here!" Mattias said handing the guard a data disk. The Guard takes it, and nods at the other guards. "Wait! What are you doing!?"

"You said you'd give us it, you never said anything about not throwing you off this temple to your certain doom." The Guards throw Mattias off, watching him hit the side of the temple multiple times then hitting several branches of a nearby tree, untill finally hitting the ground.

* * *

"Has he been disposed of?" Lozier ask, still trying to get rid of his headace.

"Yes sir, and he also gave us the data for the ship."

"Excellent! Now I shall rule the galaxy!" Lozier jumped, grabbed the disk and ran to the Galaxy Destroyer.

* * *

"No! I'm not going to let you put me into another slee . . ." Jeff let Pax out of another hold, and nods at Wuzzy to take him to the medical bay again.

posted March 15, 1999 08:19 PM EDT (US)            

When he passed through the lounge, a look of disgust formed on his face. There, on the ground, were RBF and Entropy moving around on all fours. Kathryn stood above them, cracking a whip. Losers, thought Pax, as he continued on to the bridge.

'Only 15 minutes before the jump,' said Pax to himself as he entered the lift. The doors parted, and he stepped out on to the deck of the bridge. He calmly walked up to Jeff, who was sitting at the Captain's chair, and flicked him in the ear using his roboting arm.

'OUCH,' yelled Jeff. 'If you wanted to fly all you had to do was say so. Sheesh.' Jeff stood up and resumed his post at ops.

Plenty of time for 4GOM to attend to his grim task, mused Pax to himself. The countdown klaxon sounded. 'Prepare for jump,' he said. The timer counted down, and soon after the ship was moving at superluminal velocities.

* * *

4GOM made his way stealthily through the streets of Yavin IV. Gone was the lush jungle that covered the planet. On first glance Yavin IV appeared to be a sprwaling metropolis. On closer inspection, it was revealed that most of the buildings were empty. In fact most of them were poorly made and / or incompleted. Boring, blocky architecture was the standard here. However there were some isolated areas that were beautifly constructed.

None of this mattered to 4GOM. His sole purpose was to cause a big enough diversion as possible to try and thin out the -ians defense. Something off in the distance caught his attention. That would be perfect.

* * *

'Lord Lozier, Colonel Fourwood here to see you,' buzzed the comlink.

'Send him in,' replied Lozier. A man in an -ian army uniform and a golf club for an arm stepped into the chamber. A close look revealed that the club was made out of fjisi wood, with a 4 inscripted on the head. 'What do you want,' asked Lozier.

'Sir,' replied the colonel, 'scanners report that someone has gotten into the JKEdit facility. The intruder is bound to cause havoc there.'

'Send a company of security to deal with it. You will lead them.'

'Yes sir,' came the reply. Fourwood spun on his heels and exited the chamber.

Dammit, thought Lozier, someone found the JKEdit containment facility. If he's not stopped it will crap up my empire! He slammed his fists on his throne.

* * *

The klaxon sounded again, this time signifying the exit point to realspace was coming up. 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... mottled space became pinponts of light once more. The gas giant Yavin filled the viewport.

'Entering Yavin orbit,' said Jeff.

'Excellent,' replied Pax. 'We'll chase Yavin IV's orbit until we catch up. Oh, lock that crazy woman up with RBF and Entropy. I don't trust her in combat.'

The non-descript guy arose from his vague assignment and headed towards the lounge.

posted March 16, 1999 07:07 PM EDT (US)            

Dylan asked me to post this for him

*** Back in Story ***

As 4-GOM tiptoed around the corner of the JKEdit containment facility, he heard a siren wail and saw the lights that ran down the side of the hall flash red.

"Darn!" the droid thought to himself. "I set off an alarm!"

The droid entered the main containment facility. Several floors of ramps and catwalks ran above him. Surrounded by this maze of platforms was a massive tank marked in enormous bold letters, "JKEDIT".

The droid began scaling the platforms until he was several floors up.

"Halt!" Fourwood yelled, running into the chamber. "That's the intruder! Go!"

Soon, ten soldiers came pouring out the door, each rushing up a different ramp. As they came within range of 4-GOM, they commenced firing. 4-GOM dove behind some crates stacked on a larger platform. Crawling around the side, he returned fire while attempting to make a communications link with the Storm Runner.

"Storm Runner, this is 4-GOM. I've got some problems." 4-GOM said, picking off one of the soldiers down with a well-aimed shot. "They're on to us. I repeat, the Massassians are on to us."

4-GOM waited for a reply but got only static.

posted March 16, 1999 07:51 PM EDT (US)            

The droid reached into his pack and pulled out a small datapad.

"Okay, now to load up JED," he said, while blaster bolts flew above his head, "done."

4-Gom worked furiously away at the pad, loading up the architecture of the JKEDIT building.

"Okay," Gommer said, "now to load up that new 3do...done...placing object...there!"

All of the sudden, a very large explosive device appeared in front of 4-gom.

"okay," 4-Gom said, activating it, "now to get out of here!"

The droid turned once more to the pad, and used JED to cleave a hole in the wall, which he then jumped out of and ran as fast as he could away from the doomed JKEDIT building. A few minutes later he heard a massive explosion as pieces of the poorly constructed building fell everywhere.

"Whew," Gommer said, "now to see if I can contact the Storm Runner from out here..."

Just then a blaster bolt blew off the droid's left arm, which had been holding the comlink.

posted March 16, 1999 11:54 PM EDT (US)            

"Lord Lozier has plans for you" Ole laughed.

The com link clutched in goms hand that lay before Ole started to sputer yea, gom, this is jeff...what's up? gom? are you there? gom....." ole shut it off with his foot

*Meanwhile back at the ranch*

"Guys, we just l;ost contact with Gom guys." Jeff announced. "the scanners show that he's still active, this means we're gonna have to form a rescue part to actually go dowen to yavin."

Before anyone had a chance to respond The holographic image of L zier came to life in the middle of the room "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Is this the best you've got? Some beat up droid? You -ites are pathetic. You will never defeat me and my legion of mindless washed up designers that think of me as their prophet." Lozier taunted

"You suck lozier!" a voice from the back of the room erupted

"WHO DARE INSULTS ME?!"

"Me" Entropy stepped forward "Just give us back gom, and we might think about sparing you."

"Psst...ent, you really shouldn't piss him off, he does have gom at his mercy you know." RBF advised

"Calm down RBF, I know lozier's one weakness, and I plan on exploiting it." Ent said, about too loudly. Lozeier couldn't help but over hear.

"This should be good for a laugh, how do you expect to get gom back from me." Lozier asked

"Be right back" Ent said as he rushed out of the room. A few minutes later he returns dressed like a hoth snow trooper hefting his snowboard. "We're gonna ride for gom!"

Lozier's eyes lit up "You're on!" his image quickly dissapeared.

posted March 17, 1999 01:53 AM EDT (US)            

"Lord Lozier," Jepman said in a nervous tone, "are you sure this is wise? This entropy character is famous for his skills...and while you are--"

"Do you question my skills!?!!" Lozier bellowed.

"N-n-n-n-n-no sir, I-I-I just thought that I would--"

Just then, a blast of energy shot out of Lozier's finger tips, sending Jepman's smuldering body flying to the ground.

"JM!" Lozier yelled to his other eunich, "prepare my snowboard."

"Yes, sire," JM said, "you shall crush Entropy, with me by your side! Together we shall defeat the -ites, and lay waste to the entire galaxy! With my brilliance and your--"

"JUST GET THE BOARD!!!" Lozier yelled.

"Yes sire!"

All of the sudden there was a flash of light, and a portal opened. Out stepped a man in a dark cloak, with short dark hair, and dark eyes, with light black circles around them. On his back was strapped a sword.

"Your plans will not succede," he said, matter of factly.

"You're a Voidling, aren't you?" Lozier said in a bemused tone, "I've encountered your kind before...they cheat at cards...so why are you here? To kill me? To stop me?"

"No," the void dweller said, "I'm just here to say ominous things like 'your plans will not succede'."

"Oh," Lozier said, "well, you've said that, so be gone."

"Hmm, you have a point. Bye."

And with that, he stepped back into the portal, and vanished.

"Strange people they are," Lozier said, "now then, have Mongoose and Jeff Clark finished the little, hehe, surprise we've planned for Entropy?"

"Yes sir," JM said, "they have prepared the traps."

"Good," Lozier said, "Now then, I--"

"SIR!" a misc. person said, running into the room, "you have a message from the Emperor!"

"I'll recieve it immediately!" Lozier said, rushing off.

***In the Com room***

Lozier sat on a small pad. Suddenly a large image of Emperor Spart appeared.

"What is thy bidding, my master?"

"We have a new threat," Spart said in a deep, resonated voice, "Jeff Walters."

"He is just an Austrailian," Lozier said, "Aristotle can no longer help him."

"He is a great danger to us."

"If he could be turned," Lozier said, "he would be a powerful ally."

"Yes..yes," Spart said, smiling evily, "very well Lord Lozier, you will retrieve Jeff Walters and bring him to me."

"Yes, my master."

"Oh," Spart said, "and could you see about getting me a new cloak? This is the only one I have, and, well, the washing machines have been broken for a few days, and I'm getting a little rank."

"It will be done, my master."

Suddenly, the hologram disappeared.

"Hahaha!" Lozier said, "Soon Entropy will be a smear on the snow, and Jeff Walters will be one of us! Then, together, we can overthrow Spart, and rule the galaxy! BWAHAHHAHAAHHAA!!!"

"Um, sir," JM said, "I'm still standing right here."

"Oh," Lozier said, "well then..."

and with that, he pulled out a blaster and shot JM.

posted March 17, 1999 03:50 PM EDT (US)            

"4-GOM? This is Jeff. I'm not sure you're hearing this, but we've tapped into your internal comm unit. Entropy is going to challenge Lozier to a snowboarding match, and I think that he's having his minions create a rigged hill. Do you have any..." the voice cut off in static.

"Hmmmm....it's a good thing I uploaded that rigged faulty version of JED." said 4-GOM, to himself...

* * *

"Lord Lozier, we have completed the hill, using our formidable JED skills to add in Mongoose's and Jeff Clark's little "surprises". They include a rigged catapult, a flame thrower, snowballs which decrease health and a bottomless pit at the base of the hill. There is no way you can lose!" cried a misc. guy.

"Sire, Entropy has arrived." said another misc. guy.

"Put him in!" cried Lozier

"Uh, in what, sire?" asked the 2nd misc guy.

"YOU FOOL! You are to obey my every command to the letter!" yelled Lozier, taking out a blaster. He then proceeded to shoot the 2nd misc guy.

"You, over there!" yelled Lozier, to the misc guy. "Have you sent a droid to implant the post-hypnotic command in Walters? We must capture him quickly, the Emperor's prize must not be damaged. We will test it...on Entropy, after the race. Oh, and reprogram that droid we've captured. He would be a great asset."

posted March 18, 1999 01:52 AM EDT (US)            

"No, but you are." Entropy said with confidence.

"We'll see about that."

"You two shut the hell up." A familiar voice said, coming up the rigged hill.

"Wazzit?" The -ites questioned at the dark figure.

"Yeah, I got a new agent and the director wrote me in as the guy who gets the race started." Wazzit said, loading his flare gun.

Wuzzy whistles innocently.

posted March 18, 1999 03:05 PM EDT (US)            

Jeff flicked on his comlink. 'All right guys, keep an eye out for those traps.' The team leaders responded one at a time.

'Hey, what's going on over there?' queried Pax. He took notice of one of the -ians, the one that looked like a mongoose. The sight was to difficult to explain. Only Void had the answer.

Gonk pointed his lens at the phenomenon. 'Void, take a look at this,' said Pax into his comlink. 'What do you think it is?'

'Damn!' exclaimed Void. 'It's trying to write itself into the story. Stop him immediately.'

Captain Ramen whipped out his shotgun. 'I'm on it,' he said. All of the -ians were too busy to notice Ramen. He grabbed the mongoose and led him to a secluded area. Ramen cocked the shotgun, and hit the mongoose in the back of the leg with the buttstock. 'On your knees. Any last words?'

'Urf,' was all the mongoose could manage. Ramen pointed the shotgun at the mongoose's chin and pulled the trigger. Blood sprayed everywhere.

Ramen came back to the finish line. 'Damn,' said Jeff, 'you're all bloody ya bloody wanker!'

'I'll clean it up later.'

Just then 4Gom walked up. 'Hey guys,' he said.

'Hey 4,' said RBF. 'How did your mission go?'

'Great,' came the response.

Hrm, thought RBF, he's acting pretty strange. Ah, it's probably nothing.

Little did RBF realize that 4Gom had a grim task before him, one that might destroy the -ites forever. He turned his attention to Entropy, who was beating Lozier by a board length. The racers approached the first turn....

[This message has been edited by Captain_Ramen (edited March 18, 1999).]

posted March 18, 1999 03:59 PM EDT (US)            

"It would appear that Lord Lozier is in the lead, sire."

"Yes, I know," Emperor Spart said.

"Isn't this going to interfer with the plan?"

"No," Spart said to his companion, "If Entropy wins, Lozier will die at the hands of the -ites. If Lozier wins, the task will become yours."

"Excellent."

***Meanwhile with Jeff and Pax and the others***

"Dammit!" Jeff yelled, "Ent has fallen behind!"

"Don't worry about Ent," 4gom said in a strangely calm voice, "I'm sure he'll be fine."

Just then, 4gom touched the base of Jeff's neck.

"YEOUCH!" Jeff yelped.

"Oh, sorry," 4gom said, "I must have a rough spot on my plating."

***Back on the shuttle***

"Supurb!" Spart yelled, "the droid has implanted the device that will bring Walters to us."

"so what's next?"

"Go down to the surface and escort him to me," Spart said, "oh, and Seether..."

"Yes?"

"Don't fail me this time. Your little talk with Lozier before the race almost exposed our plot."

posted March 18, 1999 04:11 PM EDT (US)            

* * *

As the data transmission from Seether came into contact with 4-GOM's internal comm unit, 4-GOM powered up one of Emperor Spart's "enhancements" - a modified finger with the ability to generate a power surge to power up any low-power device. 4-GOM aimed it at the back of Jeff's neck, who by this time had slipped into unconscious.

Suddenly, the -ites took notice of 4-GOM's surreptitious activities.

"4-GOM! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?!?!?" yelled RBF.

"Move away, or I'll be forced to harm all of you." said 4-GOM, in a low monotone. With that, he shot the surge, a purple colored burst, into Jeff's implant. Jeff awoke, with a distant look on his face. Both walked away to Seether's position, as the -ites looked on, aghast.

posted March 18, 1999 10:48 PM EDT (US)            

Just then, Entropy came roaring over the snowbank, the edge of his board decapitating FourGOM and sending the droid's head bouncing back toward the -ites.

"No!" cried a burnt and snowball covered Lord Lozier as he came into view a moment later. "This can't be happening!"

But it was too late for the -ian. Entropy zoomed across the finish line a full five board lengths in the lead, then skidded to a halt, spraying snow all over the -ian crowd.

"I can't believe I lost!" Lozier cried as he clawed at his eyes. And then, suddenly, he was back under control. Laughing, he said, "But it's no matter. We were riding for the posession of the droid, a point which seems to have become moot."

Bending over, Acinonyx picked up Gommer's head. "Well, we get the spare parts at least. I betcha I can repair him just fine."

"Uh, guys, aren't we forgetting something?" RBF said, pointing toward where Seether was escaping with Jeff.

"What's this?" Lozier yelled. "The Voidling? I've been betrayed!"

posted March 18, 1999 11:15 PM EDT (US)            

"LORD LOZIER!" The voice of Emperor Spart bellowed, "you'r traitorous nature and foolishness are about to cost you your life. Seether, destroy the weakling!"

"With pleasure," Seether said.

The Massassians crowded around Lozier, ready to defend their leader as the shuttle took off.

"QUICK!" Lozier shouted, "get to your ships and capture that shuttle! I'll handle this weakling!"

The -ians nodded and ran for their ships.

"OLE!" Lozier said, "help me vanquish this fool."

"With pleasure," Ole said, igniting his saber as Lozier did the same.

"So," Seether said, drawing his blade (which would parry lightsaber swings), "an unfair fight? Just how I like it...makes the glory of winning much more pleasurable."

"What are we going to do?" RBF yelled as the -ites watched on.

"Let these three destroy each other, we have to get to the Storm Runner and get to that shuttle before the Massassians do!"

posted March 20, 1999 05:37 PM EDT (US)            

"Ha! No sleeper holds to stop me from flying-" he was cut off as his head smacked off the bottom of a not-quite open doorway. He collapsed to the ground and Acin jumped over his prone body.

"See to him," Acin entered the cockpit. Speak (forgot about him, eh?) picked up Pax and hauled him off towards the med bay. "Now, to get that shuttle. Man, talk about filler posts."

[This message has been edited by RBF (edited March 20, 1999).]

posted March 20, 1999 06:03 PM EDT (US)            

Instantly several -ian troopers start firing at the rising black hued Corvette. "Hey look! Someone noticed us!", yelled Goalie.

"Well.. I guess we'll have to say another goodbye.", said Acin from the cockpit.

He presses a button on the control panel, and a small compartment on the bottom of the ship opens up. "Bombs away!", yelled Acin.

To the suprise of the -ian troopers, a large quantity of pink ruffled panties fall directly on them, suffocating them. "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!", yells Fuurgh, clinging to a window, "That was my year's supply! HOW COULD YOU!?"

Fuurgh bursts into tears. "He'll be fine, go ahead Aci.", said RBF.

posted March 20, 1999 08:54 PM EDT (US)            

"I'd love to!" Ent said while rushing to his quarters to pack his bags.

Acin grabs the fleeing Ent by the collar "Hold up there cowboy, don't you remember the Jeff thing? We really should go rescue him before you too go galavanting off."

"AAAwwwww... BA... BUt it's the Bahamas..." Ent whined

"Wait, Didn't we leave JEff down there when we panty bombed them?" Dylan asked. "I doubt anyhting could survibe after having several tons of pink ruffled slightly used by fuurgh panties."

posted March 21, 1999 06:16 PM EDT (US)            

"Hey, look, it's that shuttle that Emperor Spart and Jeff is on." Wuzzy points outside the window.

"Man!" Entropy kicks Wuzzy, "As you were saying Buffy?" Entropy says.

"Hmmm, we are going to have to form a rescue party to rescue Jeff. Who's in?" RBF said, looking around the -ites.

* * *

"Do not deny your destiny." Emperor Spart said with his dark robe on pacing back and forth inside the shuttle.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Jeff yelled.

"You belong to the Jedi Night Empire!!!"

Jeff blinks, trying to make sense of what Spart is saying. "Isn't Night suppose to be Knight?"

"Yes I know that you fool!" Spart yelled.

"Don't call ME a fool, your the one who's spelling it wrong." Jeff argued back.

"No I'm not!"

"Now your in denial."

"No I'm not!"

"Yes you are!"

"No I'm NOT!!!"

"Yes you are."

"Thats it!" Emperor Spart takes out his lightsaber and prepares to slash Jeff's head off.

A void opens up, and out comes Seether. "You wanted him to turn to our side remember?" Seether says, grabbing the lightsaber from Emperor Spart.

"He said I'm a fool!" Emperor Spart said.

Seether looks at Jeff Walters, who is still trying to figure out what is happening.

* * *

"Alright, we'll bring everyone but Wuzzy and Gonk to guard the ship." RBF decided.

"What!?" Gonk yelled.

* * *

"Give me back my lightsaber!!!" Emperor Spart yelled at the voidling.

"Here." Seether gives Spart his saber back.

posted March 21, 1999 06:59 PM EDT (US)            

"Good!" Spart yelled, "Now contact the SHAFT, tell them to decloak so that we can dock."

***On the storm runner***

"Okay," Acin said, "now then, we'll take a small craft over to the--WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!?!?"

The -ites rushed over to one of the Storm Runner's portals and saw a massive oupost decloak out in the middle of space.

"Sensors say it's called the SHAFT" ZoSo said from the sensor panel, "Spart's shuttle is docking there."

"Well great, now how will we ever get in there?!"

***On the SHAFT***

"Emperor Spart!!" Solo, Spart's second in command yelled across the hanger, "There's a corvette out there approaching the ship! We haven't yet been able to get the new weapons systems online, so--"

"Seether!" Spart yelled, "Take one of our Tie Defender X-1s out and destroy that thing! Override! Ryan! you two are his wingmen!"

***In the storm runner***

"Well maybe if we make a giant wooden furby and--" Ent started to say.

Just then, the entire ship quaked

"What the hell was that??"

"We got three fighters out here," ZoSo said from the sensor panel, "TIE defenders, with a low power cloak...just makes them harder to see."

"Well get to the freakin' turrets!" pax yelled as he and BA climbed into the turrets.

***Meanwhile, on SHAFT***

"Now Jeff Walters," Spart said, "You will obey my every command...you will get me......PIE!!!!"

"Yes sir..." Jeff said in a monotone voice.

"EMPEROR SPART!!!" A grizzled voice yelled from the darkness.

"Who's there?" Spart asked, probing the shadows with the force.

"It is I, Lord Lozier," Lozier said, emerging from the shadows, his face burned, and a pair of ruffled panties drapped over his head.

"I have come to kill you," He said, igniting his saber.

"Hehe," Spart said, "JEFF! Destroy the weakling!"

"Yes sir," Jeff said, igniting his saber.

posted March 21, 1999 11:48 PM EDT (US)            

Jeff stays still holding his lightsaber, until finally striking at Lozier when he is open, and cuts Lozier's lightsaber in half.

"You bastard! You have not heard the last of me!" Lozier says, running in the other direction.

Jeff picks up a peice of Lozier's lightsaber and throws it at him, landing on Lozier's head and knocking him out.

"Excellent Walters." Spart says, walking away to the bridge, "Come with me."

"Yes sir."

* * *

"They're too fast!" Yelled Gonk on his turret.

"Keep on blasting!" Fuurgh yelled back.

* * *

"I've found a weakness in the shield